The Truth
by bailey64
Summary: A sequel to The Promise. It's been eight years since Jac and Jonny became legal guardians of Jac's niece Ava. Is the Naylor-Maconie marriage strong enough to survive more trials and tribulations from Jac's family?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

**Thank you for reading :-) This is a little something I've been thinking about for a couple of weeks now so I've almost got an entire plot sorted out. Please review to let me know your thoughts as to whether or not you think I should continue.**

Jac Naylor-Maconie smiled as her phone rang and she saw the name of her husband on the screen of her mobile. She'd paged him minutes earlier asking him to call her. Urgently.

'Is everything ok?' Jonny's Scottish accent sounded anxious as Jac answered the call.

'Couldn't be better' Jac grinned as she answered him 'I was just wondering how you are enjoying the people skills course?'

'Jac your page said urgent!' Jonny now sounded a little annoyed 'I rushed out of the lecture because I thought something bad had happened!'

'Something bad has happened; you're on that ridiculous course when you could be spending time with me' Jac teased him 'but if you're enjoying it that much then just go back to it.'

'I'm not enjoying it. Its bloody awful and as dull as dish water.' Jonny could help but laugh a little now 'it's even worse than the one we met on.'

'Oh dear that bad huh?' Jac continued to tease her husband.

'An hands down winner for punishment course for any nurses who get on the wrong side of me'

'Would you, by any chance, be in need of an escape plan?' Jac decided to get to her reason for her page.

'Where are you?' Jonny's voice held a note of suspicion.

'I'm upstairs in room 114. I've checked in for the night.' Jac informed him casually.

'Seriously?' Jonny laughed 'what about Ava?'

'I left her home alone. A twelve year old should be alright for a night right?' Jac answered him with sarcasm

'She's with Mo and Sacha isn't she?'

'Of course she is you halfwit' Jac rolled her eyes 'my current spontaneity didn't make me forget my parental responsibility. So are you in need of an escape plan or not?'

'Of course, I'm in complete agreement with your proposed plan' Jonny grinned at his wife's sudden change from playfulness to grumpy directness 'What would I tell them?' he thought wildly 'I can't look too unprofessional, I'm meant to be director of nursing'

'Jonny this is your wife telling you she is stark naked and waiting for you in a hotel room' Jac spoke bluntly to her dithering husband.

'I'll think of something' Jonny spoke hurriedly as he hung up the phone.

* * *

'Well that beats stolen moments in the on call room or a quickie in the shower' Jonny broke into the contented silence that had engulfed the couple as they lay exhausted and entangled together in the bed sheets.

'Hmm' Jac agreed with him as she gently kissed his cheek. 'With work and Ava we have rather neglected us recently.'

'I know' Jonny ran his fingers through Jac's long thick auburn hair. 'I thought this last promotion would be easy but there's so much more to the job than I realised. I promise I'll try harder to find time for us.'

'Jonny do you not think I understand?' She smiled caringly at her husband 'I spent years working my way up to senior consultant, using every spare hour I could. I understand what you're going through. It is as much my fault hence why I organised this' she kissed him gently on the lips, whispering 'I love you' as they parted.

'I know' Jonny smiled as he kissed her back.

'I'm proud of you. You know that right?' Jac spoke quietly as she lay her head against his neck.

'Well I haven't heard you complaining so I guessed you were fairly content with the situation' Jonny suddenly yelped as Jac pinched his arm in retaliation for his smart quip. 'Talking of marital pride Guy wants to know if Hertizig six is ready for international unveiling yet?'

'No you don't' Jac lifted her head and gave her husband a steely glare 'no shop talk. This is our time, Mr Guy bloody Self can wait until our meeting on Thursday'.

'You know he asked me to try to talk you into stepping up your hours to full time?'

'What did you tell him?'

'No way. I like having my wife home four days a week to keep house and cook my dinner' he laughed as Jac playfully pinched his shoulder again.

'What did you really tell him?' she kissed his shoulder where she'd pinched the flesh.

'I told him my wife, the magnificently talented Ms Jac Naylor, was most definitely her own woman who makes her own decisions regarding her career and I, her wonderfully caring and charismatic husband, will have no bearing on nor refute any decision she may make.'

'You told him he'd have to talk me himself didn't you?' Jac rolled her eyes at her husband.

'Pretty much' Jonny nodded.

'I don't want to go back full time and crazy hours. Ava still needs me, you'd think having a headstrong daughter would help him understand that.' Jac leaned her forehead against Jonny's as she spoke.

'I get the feeling his wife dealt with the teenage years whilst he hid out in the operating theater.' Jonny laughed softly 'you do realise that with the asset you and Elliot have jointly developed you technically own his arse?'

'Look at you, delving into hospital politics at long last' Jac sounded impressed as she looked up at her husband.

'Do what you do best; negotiate with him, but be prepared for him to suggest Darwin needs another part-time consultant.'

'What like a job share?' Jac screwed her face up in disgust 'we've managed this long with just Elliot and I.'

'I know but it would seem you are becoming the victims of your own success. Do you even know how many requests for referrals to Darwin you get each week?'

'Maybe Mo would step up?' Jac asked hopefully.

'You wanna try that road again?' Jonny laughed he remembered how stressed out his best friend had become during an unsuccessful trial of job sharing with Jac a couple years ago. He'd been impressed his wife had managed to keep her temper during the chaotic two weeks until Mo had tearfully resigned herself from the post declaring she didn't know how Jac did it, her patient load was ridiculously heavy.

'Maybe not.' Jac moved in for another kiss which Jonny happily obliged with. 'Now enough about work' Jac smiled as they broke apart.

'Ok' Jonny kissed her softly 'let's talk about how beautiful you are.' He kissed her again, smiling to himself at the way she squirmed embarrassedly in his arms. She hated complements and attention even from her own husband.

'That should be a fairly short conversation' Jac rolled her eyes at him.

'Why is it you tell Ava every day how beautiful she is but won't believe it about yourself?' Jonny traced the sharp ridge of one her cheekbones with his finger as he spoke.

'Because Ava is beautiful and I worry that bitchy school girl comments are going to convince her she's not perfect just as she is.'

'What bitchy school girl comments?' Jonny frowned, his face now full of concern for his little girl.

'It was nothing really Jonny, just some toffy nosed rich kid making jealous comments about Ava's red hair and pale skin on the last day of term' she kissed his worried frown 'Ava just walked away from it but she was still pretty upset by it.'

'Which kid was it?' Jonny was feeling a bit put out neither his wife nor Ava had discussed this with him 'was that nasty little blonde frizzy haired kid in need of braces and possible nose job? Because if it was her she's in no position to be judging anyone.'

'Her name's Julia and I'm sure she'll grow into that nose' Jac laughed 'to think it was you who's always taught Ava to turn the other cheek.'

'Is that why you let Ava get her ears pierced?' Jonny grumbled still not happy the girls had done this without telling him and cross with himself it'd taken him two weeks to notice.

'Will you ever let that go?' Jac sighed 'she's twelve Jonny and I thought the eight weeks of summer vacation would give them chance to heal before she has to take them out to return to school.'

'I guess I just feel like I'm missing out on stuff' Jonny grumbled 'I miss the way she used to tell me everything.'

'She's growing up Jonny and this is all just girl stuff' Jac tried to make her husband feel better 'and I'm the one at home mostly' she kissed him lightly 'and a few weeks ago in France she spent pretty much all her time with you exploring, swimming and trawling the local food markets.'

'But that was the whole point' Jonny couldn't help but smile as he remembered the fortnight they'd spent in a picturesque villa in France 'to give you a break from worrying about Ava, your patients and the Hertzig' he kissed her cheek 'which judging by the amount of sleeping you did you more than needed. I guess I just don't want my little girl to grow up.'

'And yet it's happening so deal with it' Jac laughed at her husband. 'She'll always need her Uncle Jonny though. Especially when she starts dating and brings her boy troubles home.'

'Argh!' Jonny groaned dramatically as he rolled onto his back with his hands over his ears 'don't even joke about that, I don't want to think about that yet!'

Jac laughed as she rolled herself so she was on top of her husband, propping her head up on her elbow. 'You know I think we're doing ok with Ava. She's growing up into a fairly level headed kid'

'I told you we would' Jonny tucked Jac's lose hair behind her ear for her 'I think Jasmine would be proud of how she's turning out.'

'I guess she was right to trust us' Jac spoke softly as she thought of her deceased sister.

'She was right about a lot of things, especially regarding you and me' Jonny smiled as he shared in memories 'remember the way she railroaded us into marriage?'

'The best decision she helped me make' Jac laughed softly as she kissed her husband. She allowed Jonny to roll their bodies over as the kiss deepened, running his hand up her thigh as lay himself on top of her.

'I love you' he whispered to her trailing kisses down her neck 'and you are beautiful even if you won't believe it'. He could feel Jac relaxing beneath him as his hands and kisses caressed her body. The moment was suddenly halted by the ringing of Jac's mobile. 'Leave it' he murmured as he nuzzled her neck feeling her body now tensing up again 'they'll leave a message'

'I can't' she spoke apologetically as she firmly pushed him off herself 'it could be important' she reached out and picked up the phone from the bed side cabinet sitting up as she answered it. 'Jac Naylor' she spoke briskly into the phone despite the fact her husband had sat up behind her and resumed kissing her neck. Her face fell into a worried frown as she listened to the person on the other end of the conversation; she moved away from Jonny slightly and placed her hand on his shoulder to stop him from kissing her. 'Ok we'll be right in' she spoke as she hurriedly hung up the phone. 'Its Granddad' she informed Jonny her eyes conveying the worry and panic she denied herself from feeling 'he's in A&E with a suspected heart attack'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! Hope you enjoy this next chapter. Please review to let me know your thoughts and suggestions. Reading your lovely words of encouragement really does help to keep me motivated with my writing :-)**

If Jonny Maconie had found a magic lamp granting him three wishes he would give them all to his wife. He'd wish her mother had given her up for adoption saving her from the terrible childhood she had endured. He'd wish she had been spared the pain of losing their baby daughter Amelia nine years ago and lastly he'd wish she wouldn't have to go through the pain she was feeling now. He held her tightly in his arms she wept against his chest. She hadn't cried immediately, at first she'd been unable to believe the truth the doctor's face had held. They were sorry, they had tried their very best but there was nothing that could be done. Jac's yell of 'NO! NO YOU ARE WRONG!' and then quieter pleading 'please, you have to be wrong he's the strongest man I know' could not undo the fact George Burrows had lived out his allocated eighty seven years.

'I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye' Jac sobbed against Jonny's chest as she recalled the last time she had seen her grandfather alive at the retirement flat he had moved to in Bristol just a few months ago 'he was fine yesterday, he looked absolutely fine yesterday.'

'I know Jac, you couldn't have predicted this' Jonny kissed the top of her head 'there's no way you could have stopped this from happening.' He held her until her sobbing had ceased and a mournful silence filled the relatives room. Jac leaned her head against her husband's chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart until a soft knock brought the couple back to reality. Jac sat herself up as Elliot Hope entered the room, coming to offer his condolences.

'I'm so sorry Jac' he smiled sympathetically as he took a seat beside his research partner 'George was a wonderful man, he will be very much missed.'

'Why do people say that?' Jac sniffed 'when some dies, why do they say they are sorry?'

'I guess it's just something to say' Elliot spoke softly as he lightly took hold of one Jac's hands. 'They said to say you can see him, whenever you're ready.' Jac nodded and allowed her old friend to keep hold of her hand.

'I suppose the paperwork will need sorting' she spoke practically now, not willing to let her grief overtake her.

'I'll do that' Jonny lightly rubbed her arm before standing up 'you stay here with Elliot' he saw her briefly nod as he walked away towards the door. As he made to slip out of the room he heard her soft voice say 'it's childish really but I always thought he'd be around for ever. I never let myself imagine a time when Granddad wouldn't exist. Illogical thinking when nobody can live forever.' Jonny let the door swing shut behind him as he realised for the first time his wife did indeed believe in fairy tales, it's just the harsh realities of life kept getting in the way.

He walked blearily up to the reception desk only for his way to be stopped by a short dark haired consultant. 'You must be Jac's husband, Jonny isn't it?' she asked him smiling softly as Jonny nodded 'I'm Connie Beauchamp, Jac might have mentioned me, I was senior CT consultant when she was still training as a registrar' she held her hand out to the bewildered looking man stood in front of her.

'No I'm sorry' Jonny shook his head as he shook the woman's hand 'if she did, I can't recall it' he smiled apologetically and Connie saw what had attracted Jac to this ruggedly handsome man.

'I suppose she wouldn't be expecting to see me again, I only started back here last week' Connie smiled sympathetically 'I'm sorry for your loss, we really did do all we could.'

'George was an remarkably resilient man but I guess it was just his time to go' Jonny shrugged helplessly 'he'd lived an amazing life, travelled the world as a photographer, married his childhood sweetheart, loved and cherished his granddaughters and was loved and cherished in return.'

'He wasn't alone when he died, I held his hand' Connie placed a sympathetic hand on his arm.

'Really?' Jonny felt comforted by this thought as he watched Connie nod 'Could you speak to Jac? Tell her that? I think it would help.'

'Of course, is she in the relatives room?' Connie smiled warmly.

'Yeah' Jonny nodded 'Elliot is with her.'

'Jonny, there is something else. George had something with him, something I'm not sure Jac was aware he had' Connie spoke seriously 'he had a copy of Jac's social services file.'

'What?' Jonny shook his head in confusion 'but why he would have that and how did he get it?'

'I don't know, I wasn't sure whether to tell Jac or just destroy the wretched thing.'

'Where is it now?' Jonny asked, thinking rapidly.

'Locked securely away in my desk draw' Connie looked at Jonny reassuringly 'don't worry no one else has seen it.'

'Ok' Jonny nodded 'it's probably best you don't mention it to Jac and just get rid of it. It would break her heart if she knew he'd read about some of things documented in that file.'

'Sure' Connie patted his arm as she walked away towards the relatives room.

'Connie?' Jonny smiled warmly at woman as she turned around 'thank you.'

'Anything for Jac' Connie smiled back.

* * *

'She's very different' Connie remarked to Elliot as they watched Jonny and Jac walk out of the emergency department a couple of hours after George's passing 'less sheer bloody gung ho determination.'

'A lot has happened' Elliot shrugged 'some good, some bad and some of it utterly devastating. I guess we've all learnt Jac Naylor does indeed have a breaking point.'

'Why does she only work part time?' Connie asked her dear old friend as she walked him back up to his office.

'A mixture of reasons' Elliot spoke as he let them into the office and settled himself behind his desk 'mainly because of Ava.'

'Is this her?' Connie picked up one of the picture frames sat on Jac's desk containing a photograph of a beautiful red haired child 'you can tell she's Jac's' Connie smiled as she carefully put the picture back 'she was a sweet little baby too.'

'Oh no, that is Amelia.' Elliot corrected as Connie inspected a photograph of a tiny auburn haired baby 'she only lived a couple of months.'

'Oh' Connie guiltily replaced picture suddenly feeling as though she were prying 'I had no idea.'

Like I said, a lot has happened' Elliot smiled reassuringly at Connie. 'You should probably also know Ava isn't biologically Jac and Jonny's daughter, she's Jac's niece.'

'Her niece?' Connie furrowed her brow in confusion 'but I didn't think Jac had any siblings.'

'She had a sister call Jasmine. She died when Ava was three; stage four bowl cancer' Elliot filled Connie in on the details. 'So how are you finding life in emergency medicine?'

'Hectic' Connie smiled ruefully as she helped herself to Jac's seat 'and Grace isn't at all too impressed with my new working hours. Apparently sixteen year olds still require their mother's attention constantly '

'Well…' Elliot stopped his wisdom as Connie shot him a dark look.

'Please don't say it Elliot, I feel guilty enough as it is' Connie slumped back into her chair unhappily 'the truth is I missed the NHS and missed the challenge of running the ward on its budget. The problem is I think I've bitten off more than I can chew' Connie sighed 'and now I'm back to missing spending time with Grace.'

'Maybe with a little time you'll work the balance out.' Elliot suggested helpfully.

'It has only been a week' Connie considered.

'Unless…' Elliot trailed off lost deep in thought.

'Unless what?' Connie hated it when Elliot did this.

'Would you be willing to sort of job share with Jac?'

'What do you mean by 'sort of'?' Connie frowned.

'She spends a lot time working on the Hertzig so her patient list is kept manageable but the demands for her talent is currently exceeding her working hours. So much so we're turning referrals away. However if we had another consultant, of equal talent available…' Elliot let his words trial off as Connie picked up on his train of thought.

'So I would pick up the slack so to speak?' Connie frowned as thought through Elliot's plan.

'You and Jac can be flexible, work your shifts around family time' Elliot desperately tried to sell his idea 'just think about it; the famous Ms Beauchamp working alongside the internationally renowned Hope & Naylor. This department would be the best of the best.'

'Internationally renowned?' Connie raised her eyebrow at Elliot's unusual egoism.

'The Hertzig success has rather taken on a life of its own' Elliot shrugged in way of explanation.

'You think we could sell this idea to Mr Self?' Connie smiled as she realised the solution to her problem was perfect.

'Absolutely' Elliot grinned naughtily 'since the success of our research Mr Self is terrified of losing either Jac or I to the competition. It makes him rather keen to keep us happy.'

* * *

Jac sat in the passenger seat of the car dreading what she was about to do as her husband parked up and cut the engine. She could see through the kitchen widow of the Levy- Effanga household her beautiful auburn girl was dancing in the kitchen with Mo making the eighteen month old baby boy Mo held in her arms giggle and sequel with delight. Ava's long straight hair was still in its neat bun Jac had helped fix for her in preparation for her Ballet exam taken that afternoon. From this excited display Jac guessed it had gone better than Ava had anticipated. It seemed cruel they were about to interrupt this joyous moment with such heart breaking news.

'You can say here if you want to, I can go and get Ava' Jonny suggested softly as his own eyes fell on the happy scene his wife was watching.

'No' Jac shook her head 'I should be there.' She sat still where she was as she spoke softly 'let's just wait a minute, let's just give her one more minute of blissful ignorance.'

Jonny reached out and took her hand gently in his, watching as Mo and Sacha's eight year old daughter also joined in on the fun singing and twirling with her mother. It was with heavy hearts the couple finally exited their vehicle and made their way to the bright red front door.

'Jac!' Sacha Levy's face beamed with surprise as he opened the door to find his best friend unexpectedly stood on his doorstep. 'I thought we were keeping Ava overnight' he spoke as he stepped backwards to let the couple enter his humble abode.

'I…we…' Jac stuttered over her starting words before her face crumbled into grief once more.

'Oh Jac' Sacha spoke softly as he enveloped his tearful friend into his arms.

'Granddad George suddenly passed away this evening' Jonny spoke the explanation gravely.

'Oh I'm so sorry Jac' Sacha held her tighter as she battled against the sobs building in her chest.

'I best tell Ava' Jonny spoke softly as he watched Sacha comforting his wife.

'She's in the kitchen with Mo' Sacha nodded in the direction of the room as he spoke. Jonny nodded and then slowly made his way up the passageway.

'How did it happen?' Sacha asked his friend softly as she dried her tears with a crumpled tissue.

'Sudden heart attack. He was out walking when he collapsed' Jac answered her friend 'I guess it was just his time but he seemed so well yesterday' she shook her head sadly, still struggling to understand the suddenness of it.

'George had a good long life Jac' Sacha offered his small words of comfort 'sometimes when its time its time. There's nothing anyone can do about it.'

They were interrupted by the sound of Ava's light feet running up the hall 'it's not true is it Auntie Jac?' the girl sobbed as she reached her aunt 'it can't be true.'

'Oh Ava' Jac breathed as she enveloped her girl into her arms 'I wish it wasn't true but it is' she kissed Ava's forehead letting the young girl sob against her.

'What will we do without him Auntie Jac?' Ava asked as she lifted her wet face of her aunts chest.

'We'll do what he'd want us to do' Jac spoke as she wiped Ava's tears off her sun freckled cheeks with her tissue. 'Well pick ourselves up and get on with it.'

'You forgot the part about the cup of tea' Ava smiled sadly at her aunt 'he always said 'pick yourself up, mull it over a cup of tea and the carry on regardless. No use in wallowing.'

'See' Jac returned Ava's sad smile 'you'll remember his advice all your life.' Ava buried her head back against her Aunt's chest as she let fresh tears fall. 'I know it doesn't feel like it but everything will be just fine Pumpkin, eventually it'll be fine' Jac softly murmured her only available words of comfort to her bereft child.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you for all the marvelous reviews! Please keep them coming because they make me happy and really do help to improve and develop my writing. So don****'t be shy; feel free to let me know your thoughts, opinions and suggestions :-)**

The day had been hot and sunny, suffocating if you were wearing black as the mourners at the funeral for George Burrows had been. Now the party were cooling off with iced drinks and sandwiches at the home of Jac and Jonny Naylor-Maconie shedding their ties and suit jackets and rolling up sleeves as they made themselves at home in the downstairs rooms and large garden. Hiding herself away from it Jac Naylor had found refuge on her sweeping wooden staircase. She had taken advantage of the fact this was her own home and had removed her tights and shoes allowing herself to feel much more comfortable in her simple sleeveless black dress. The cool wood beneath her feet was as soothing as the solitude that now surrounded her. She held in her hand a framed photograph of her grandfather destined to join the others of her sister and baby daughter sat on the hall table.

'There's no use keeping on staring at me like that you stupid mutt' Jac addressed the black Labrador Apollo belonging to Jonny and Ava who was staring at her as he sat by the front door 'I never walk you so it's not likely I'm going to start walking you today'.

The dog tilted his head as if considering her for a moment before trotting off in the direction of the kitchen. He was back just seconds later with a well chewed tennis ball in his mouth. He pressed the ball against the hands of his mistress and then let the ball go. The ball dropped to the ground and rolled away. Unperturbed by his mistress's failure to play the game the first time Apollo fetched the ball and pressed it once more against the hands of his mistress, this time whimpering until she took it with a sigh.

'That is really gross Apollo' Jac rolled her eyes at the dog 'a chewed ball covered in your slobber is hardly a great gift on any day let alone a day like today.' The dog gave a small bark as though disagreeing with her, wagging his tail hoping his enthusiasm for the ball would be infectious. 'Stupid old mutt' Jac grumbled but with affection in her voice.

'We all know you love Apollo Auntie Jac' Ava spoke from the top of the stairs 'you can stop pretending you just put up with him' the young girl had changed into a light knee length summer dress and held in her hand a bottle of sun cream as she skipped down the stairs to where her Auntie sat. 'I think he wants to cheer you up, he doesn't like it when you're sad.'

'He's a dog Ava' Jac rolled her eyes and let the tennis ball drop to the ground as her niece sat down beside her and leaned her head against her aunts shoulder. Apollo picked up the ball in his mouth and trotted off back through the kitchen, no doubt to see if he could entice any of the guests to play his game.

'Elliot told me about the time you operated on one his dogs to save its life. That was pretty cool.' Ava spoke admiringly.

'And developing a mechanical heart that has saved hundreds of lives isn't cool?' Jac laughed as she put her arm around her niece.

'Nah you do that every day of the week' Ava shrugged. She picked up the photograph of her grandfather Jac had placed on her lap. 'Is this one of mine?' She asked recognising the image she'd taken a month ago of Granddad stood on the very staircase they were sat on dressed in a fine suit for a congratulatory dinner organised by Guy Self to celebrate the continued success of the Hertzig project.

'Of course' Jac smiled proud of Ava's natural talent at art and photography 'I can't decide where it should sit on the table though'

Ava thought for a moment before leaping up, skipping over to the table, and positioning the frame between the picture of her mother and her cousin. 'How about in the middle like this? Then it's as though he's looking after Mummy and Amelia.'

'Perfect' Jac agreed with a sad smile.

'Will I forget Granddad like I have my mother?' Ava asked softly and sadly.

Jac shook her head 'you're older this time Pumpkin'.

'Sometimes I think I can remember bits about her, like the way she smelled or the sound of her laugh but then I think I'm just imagining it because I'm trying too hard.' Ava spoke glumly as sat back down on the step next to her Aunt.

'You were practically still a baby pumpkin, it's not your fault you can't remember these things.' she put her arm around Ava's boney shoulder's and kissed her forehead. 'Do you want to have a look through the memory box?'

'Maybe later' Ava shook her head. 'Could we make a memory box for Granddad too?'

'Of course we can' they sat in silence for a few minutes.

'Could you rub this into my back and shoulders for me?' Ava broke into the reflective silence handing her aunt the bottle of factor thirty she'd brought downstairs with her. After accidentally sun burning herself on an unexpectedly sunny spring day Ava had finally learnt the virtues of high factor sun cream on pale skin.

'Sure' Jac smiled as Ava hopped down onto the step in front of her.

'Don't you ever wish you had darker skin?' Ava asked as Jac squirted a generous amount of cream into her hands.

'Not really pumpkin no' Jac sighed softly as she started to rub the cream into the child's milky white skin.

'But doesn't it bother you having to put on sun cream every time it's sunny?' Ava sighed now 'not to mention the freckles.'

'You don't want freckles; wear a hat' Jac rolled her eyes as she continued to massage the thick cream into Ava's shoulders.

'Isobel said if I let the sun on my hair it might lighten and look more blonde'

'So how is that experiment working out for you?' Jac smirked knowing the answer

'I don't think it's had any impact' Ava sighed 'didn't you ever just wish you looked like the other girls when you were growing up?'

'Ava trust me when you are older you'll appreciate the way you look' Jac put her arms around Ava's skinny body and squeezed her tightly 'you are beautiful, just like your mother' she kissed the child's head 'you don't want to look like those spoilt rich boarding school clone girls, not really.'

'Auntie Jac?' Ava spoke softly.

'Hmm?' Jac still held the child tightly in her arms.

'I'm glad you didn't want me to board at school, you were right I would have missed you too much' Ava had been offered a full boarding scholarship at the prestigious St Catherine's girls school and, thinking it would be like Enid Byltons Mallory Towers series and forgetting she suffered from home sickness, was desperate to try it. Jac had refused the schools kind offer and instead Ava had been enrolled as a fee-paying day student giving her guardians an hour's and a half drive to drop her off and collect her each day but allowing Jac to feel in full control of Ava's education. 'And I'm glad you're not like the other mums.' She squirmed to get Jac to release her and then jumped up off the stairs, picking up Apollo's lead off the coat stand. 'Can I walk Apollo?' she asked happily.

'Sure but not for too long, it's too hot for him to be out bounding around too much'

'Apollo!' Ava called the dog back from the kitchen.

'And stick to the pavements, no talking to strangers even if they have dogs and...'

'Auntie Jac you're nagging' Ava rolled her eyes as she clipped Apollo's lead to his collar.

'I'm not nagging I'm just showing parental concern'

'Whatever' Ava grinned cheekily as she opened the front door 'I still love you for it' she stepped out into the daylight and closed the door before her aunt could chastise her for the use of the word 'whatever'.

Jac turned around as she heard a stair squeak behind her.

'Sorry' Mo grinned guiltily holding her sleeping baby in her arms 'I was up here changing Isaac and then I didn't want to interrupt you two.'

'That's ok' Jac smiled as Mo carefully walked down the rest of the stairs. 'What do you think Ava meant by she's glad I'm not like all the other mother's?'

'I'm sure it was complementary, judging by the tales Ava was telling me the other day I think some of those girls get a tough time of it from their mother's in need of perfection' Mo smiled reassuringly at Jac 'you're a great Mum, look at how you dealt with Ava's insecurities just then. When Evelyn hits that phase I'm sending her straight to you' Mo joked referring to her eldest daughter. Isaac suddenly woke up from his brief nap with a sharp cry followed by a series of unhappy grizzles. 'I just can't work out what's wrong with this little man' Mo sighed as she swayed her body in an attempt to sooth her child 'he's just becoming impossible to settle'

'Do you want me to try?' Jac offered

'Please be my guest' Mo laughed as she passed the child into Jac's arms. Mo watched as the red headed woman talked softly to the baby boy positioning him against her shoulder and rubbing his back. 'Have you eaten today?' Mo asked her as she observed Jac's skinny frame and tired appearance.

'A little, probably not enough' Jac answered truthfully.

'You know Jonny is worried about you, says you're not taking care of yourself' Mo decided to press on with the conversation using her son as the shield against Jac's anger.

'I know' Jac sighed 'I don't do it on purpose.'

'I know, and so does he' Mo smiled reassuringly at the wife of her best friend. 'Come on, it's a beautiful day outside, come and sit out in it and have a cup of tea at least.'

Jac followed Mo through the kitchen and out into the large back garden to join the other mourners.

'Hey Naylor' Michael Spence softly greeted his friend 'I thought you'd disappeared from us.'

'No just having a moment of quiet' Jac smiled softly as she rubbed the back of a still fussing Isaac.

'So where has my beautiful god daughter gotten to?' Michael smiled at baby Isaac as he smoothed the child's dark hair.

'She's walking that wretched dog' Jac informed him 'she shouldn't be long'.

'Now you and I need to seriously discuss me taking her on a trip out to the good old united states on her next school vacation' Michael looked seriously at his friend 'it'd do her good to see some of the world and it'd give you a well needed break.'

'I honestly don't think you'd be able to persuade her to go' Jac smirked at her friend 'she got so home sick on guide camp last year they had to call me to go get her. Remember? I had to leave in the middle of a networking dinner?'

'Oh yeah' Michael nodded as he recalled the event 'I remember you getting mad at Guy Self for calling you unprofessional. I don't think he's ever been spoken to like that by a woman before, including his own hot headed daughter.'

'Yeah throwing that patient file at him might have been a bit of a mistake though' Jac reflected on the incident. 'Still at least he doesn't hold a grudge and he learnt a valuable lesson on the meaning of flexible working.'

'He learnt a valuable lesson in not ticking off the most volatile but best CT surgeon' Michael laughed

'One of the best Michael Spence' Connie joined in the conversation 'I do hope you meant one of the best'.

'Of course I did Connie' Michael rolled his eye's 'I was forgetting about the brilliance of Professor Hope.'

'Well who is this handsome little chap?' Connie decided to ignore Michael's jibing as she allowed the baby Jac cradled against her shoulder to take hold of her finger with his chubby fist.

'This crotchety little fella is Isaac' Jac introduced the little boy to her old mentor 'Mo and Sacha's youngest.'

'Now Connie don't you agree its time Jac cut the apron strings with Ava and encouraged her to have a few adventures without her constant mothering?'

'Oh I don't know, I think this maternal side rather suits Jac and Ava seems like a fairly level headed and confident twelve year old' Connie smiled at Jac kindly.

'I think she gets that from her mother' Jac shifted embarrassedly.

'Yeah because you and Jasmine weren't at all like two peas in a pod' Michael spoke sarcastically 'and given the fact Ava has your IQ it's no wonder the kid has confidence in spades' Michael spoke proudly about his god daughter 'already has two A grade GCSE's and studying for her third.'

'Really?' Connie raised her eyebrow 'I guess I should keep a close watch on Ava Naylor-Maconie as she makes her way into the medical profession.' Jac and Michael both burst out laughing. 'What have I said?' Connie smiled at their mirth.

'Ava is extremely squeamish' Jac explained 'something she definitely inherited from her mother.'

* * *

Paula Burrows could hardly believe her luck as she spotted a red haired child playing fetch with a black Labrador in the park she was walking through. She'd been alerted to the news of her father's death by one of his old neighbors, persuaded by Paula's charm to keep her informed of news regarding her family. She made it back to England in time for his funeral, camouflaging herself in black clothes and sunglasses and hiding herself at the back out of the sight of anyone who might recognise her. After the service she'd taken a long walk thinking through her available options, believing it might be worth her while to stick around for the reading of the will, and now here was her granddaughter. Her own flesh and blood she had been denied the chance of meeting. Paula observed the child for a while to make sure she was alone. The girl was beautiful, very much the same as her Jac had been at that age. Jasmine had grown into a pretty teenager but during her pre-teen years she had been rather plain and slightly sullen. It seemed bizarre to Paula that Ava should have inherited her aunts striking presence and not her mother's plainness.

'Hello Ava' Paula approached the child with a kindly smile 'you may not remember me but I'm your grandmother.'

Ava didn't say anything as she stared at the red haired woman stood in front of her.

'I don't suppose you would have heard much about me, I normally live in India'.

'I'm not supposed to talk to strangers' Ava finally spoke as she clipped the lead back onto her dog's collar.

'I'm not a stranger darling' Paula laughed softly 'I'm your Grandma'. Ava didn't respond looking down at her dog, considering her next move. 'You know you remind me so much of my Jac when she was your age; all pretty red hair and freckle's, same serious frown too' Paula continued to laugh softly. Ava looked up at Paula now. 'Unbelievably you even have the same beautiful green eyes' Paula smiled softly.

'I have to go they'll be wondering where I am' Ava spoke quickly before she started walking away.

Paula sighed as she watched the girl and her dog walk away. At least now she had a reason to stay.

* * *

'You are so a baby whisperer' Mo whispered delightfully as Jac carefully laid a sleeping Isaac into his pram 'you wanna keep him overnight too?'

'To have you breaking my door down at 2am because you miss him too much? I don't think so Maureen' Jac teased good humoredly, feeling better now most of the guests had left and her home felt less invaded.

'I have to say he is almost enough to make even me feel broody again' Connie sighed wistfully as she looked down on the sleeping baby 'I remember when Grace was that age I just wish it didn't go past so quickly. Make the most of them whilst they're young Mo, I wish I'd taken that advice sooner.'

'Why do you think I've stuck to part time?' Jac commented as she carefully positioned the hood of the pram to shield Isaac from the sunlight. 'I don't want to miss a second of Ava growing up'.

'It's hard though isn't it?' Mo sighed as she watched Evelyn playing piggy in the middle with Sacha and Jonny. 'I mean I spent all those years training, specifically training in transplants, to save lives but when I'm doing that I feel guilty for not spending time with the kids and then when I am at home being mummy I feel guilty I might be letting down my patients and their families.'

'You'll work it out Mo' Jac spoke reassuringly 'no one expects it to be easy.'

'No' Connie agreed 'but it can be manageable. You and I should have a chat with Mr Self Mo see if we can't work out getting another transplant surgeon to help with the load. After all he agrees Darwin can easily become the best center of excellence in the country now he has the top three CT consultants running it for him.'

'What's this?' Jac's attention snapped from the baby to Connie instantly.

'Well I have some news, don't be so cross Jac' Connie laughed at the redheads frown 'it benefits you as well. I'm going to be part time consultant back on Darwin, taking on those extra referrals created by the success of the Hertzig. The whole A&E thing was a bit much and the allure of CT was just too hard resist' Connie explained herself.

'It's nice to be consulted, as per usual' Jac grumbled.

'Are you saying you don't like the plan?' Connie shared a bemused smile with Mo 'it'll keep Guy Self off your back so you can carry on tinkering away with the mechanical heart with Elliot'

'Best all round then' Jac gave a reluctant smile deciding to save her displeasure at not being involved in the decision making for Elliot at a later date.

'Hey Ava!' Mo greeted the child as she returned to the garden 'did you and Apollo have a nice walk?'

Ava nodded her head but Jac could tell the girl was distracted by something. 'Everything ok pumpkin?' She asked her niece softly placing a concerned hand on the child's shoulder.

Ava shook her head 'what happened to your mother?' she asked innocently 'why is she not around?' The reaction from her aunt was not what she was expecting; the concerned hand was withdrawn from her shoulder and instead rested against its owner's mouth as though she'd been struck. Ava watched as her aunt shook her head a few times, words failing her, before she quickly retreated into house lest anyone should see her tears fall.

'Jac! Jac!' Jonny called after his wife as he followed her into the house.

'What did I do wrong?' Ava asked Mo, her bottom lip quivering as she heard Connie muttering to Ric Griffin 'has the child never been told?'

'This isn't your fault Ava' Mo spoke seriously to the confused child 'you're not in trouble; you haven't done anything wrong ok?' Mo waited for the child to nod before continuing 'why did you ask those questions?'

'Because I think I just met her, my grandmother, she started talking to me in the park' Ava answered in a small voice as a tear rolled down her cheek. 'What's wrong with Auntie Jac?'


	4. Chapter 4

**I wasn't planning on writing any more this weekend however the fabulous reviews you wonderful people left have inspired me! Thank you for taking the time to do so, it really is appreciated. Hope you enjoy this little chapter. Please take a moment to leave a review as your thoughts and opinions really are keeping me motivated :-) **

It seemed to Ava as though the adults in her life had been preparing for this moment as if it were a catastrophic event. Like a well-practised routine Elliot Hope rushed indoors to inform Jonny of this development whilst Michael, Ric, Sacha and Serena Campbell left the house to search the area for the demon known as Paula Burrows. Mo comforted Ava, wiping the young girls tears, a task which was taken over by Connie when Mo's own children required her attention having become unsettled by the drama unfolding around them.

Ava sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen looking glumly at the glass of orange squash Connie had poured for her. Frustrated by the lack of answers her questions were receiving Ava had become silent and sullen. Mo was now watching her like a hawk knowing this was a sign the child was likely to take action and escape upstairs to find out the answers she was seeking for herself.

Mo looked up suddenly hearing Elliot and Connie descending down the stairs. She walked quickly to the kitchen door to meet them.

'I've never seen her like that' Connie whispered to Mo, shaking her head in disbelief at the vulnerable Jac Naylor she'd just been talking to. She'd never even seen the woman shed a tear before let alone heard the mournful sobs that had sounded through the locked bathroom door. When Jac had obliged to Jonny's repeated requests to unlock the door it was to reveal a woman who was very much defeated by her own emotions.

'This is what losing a child did to her' Mo whispered back sadly 'I guess it was just one trauma too far. She's still feisty and strong but when things happen to remind her of the past…' Mo let her voice trial off.

'Jonny managed to get Jac out of the bathroom and got her talking' Elliot spoke quietly to Mo hoping Ava wouldn't over hear them. 'She is, understandably, upset but she's a lot calmer now. I'm going to nip out to the pharmacy, get her some sleeping tablets. I've a feeling she'll need them.'

'Did you need a prescription pad?' Mo asked him knowing she had one in the car somewhere.

'No its alright, Connie's written one' he patted Mo comfortingly on the arm before he left the room.

'She won't take them' Ava's angry voice piped up as she heard the front door open and close again. 'she says they make her head feel fuzzy. I heard her and Uncle Jonny having a row about it once. She'd flushed the tablets down the loo and he was rather cross about it.'

'Ava…' Mo used her warning voice, not liking the child's tone.

'Why won't any of you tell me anything?' Ava spoke crossly, her eyes flashing angrily at Mo making her look so much like her aunt it was almost breath taking.

'Ava sometimes things are just hard to explain' Connie sought to comfort the child, placing a hand on her shoulder.

'Stop treating me like a child!' Ava crossly brushed Connie's hand off her shoulder 'that's all you lot ever do! I JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON!' Ava suddenly stood and yelled with frustration. A baby's cry pierced the air, awoken once more by histrionics.

'Well thank you for that Ava' Mo spoke calmly even though Ava could see she was cross with her.

'Sorry' Ava spoke breathlessly her bottom lip quivering 'I'm sorry'. Mo nodded before she left the room to settle Isaac once more.

'Well aren't you just a chip of the old block' Connie laughed softly, putting her arm comfortingly around the child's shoulders. 'Come on, no need for tears. The number of times I've seen your Auntie Jac shout in temper and frustration, we're all rather used to it.'

'Whenever I've shouted at Auntie Jac she's always tells me I get it from my mother' Ava sniffed.

'Well I don't know about that' Connie handed Ava a clean tissue 'but let me tell you that was somewhat reminiscent of your aunt'

'Everyone always says I'm so much like her and I do look so much more like Auntie Jac than I do my mother.' Ava wiped her eyes.

'Is it such a bad thing?' Connie asked her smoothing her hair.

Ava shook her head 'it's just surely I should have brown eyes instead of green and fair skin instead of ghostly pale?'

'Genetics aren't always so cut and dry' Connie continued to smooth the child's hair, feeling the girl's body relax as she leant against her 'it's still a bit of random chance what you're going to end with after all'

The front door opened once more and Connie and Ava looked up as they heard the search party return.

'Well that was a waste of time' they heard Serena exclaim as they walked down the hallway towards the kitchen 'that woman has no moral…' she let her voice trial off as she saw Ava sat in the kitchen with Connie.

'Hey Ava honey, why don't you and I take a drive to Auntie Jac's favourite Chinese, get some food for your folks?' Michael spoke as he spotted Ava's grumpy face.

'She won't eat it, she never eats when she's upset' Ava sighed as she got to her feet knowing it was pointless trying argue with this amount of adults

'Yeah well it's always worth trying' Michael put his arm around Ava's shoulder as they walked out of the room 'besides you and Uncle Jonny still gotta eat.'

'Well how did it go?' Mo asked entering the room with a grizzling Isaac in her arms. Sacha took his son into his own arms, attempting to settle the child for his worn out partner. Hearing the front door close once more he began the tale.

'Serena and I found her, we think she might have followed Ava home to see where Jac lives' he spoke in a low voice 'we asked her leave, not to contact Jac or her family but she was having none of it.'

'She's insisting she'll stay around for the reading of will at least' Serena sighed 'to see if she 'gets what she's owed'. Her words not mine.'

'But George has left pretty much everything to Ava' Ric shook his head 'I know, I witnessed the signing of the will. Paula's name is not even mentioned.'

'We'll never get rid of her now will we?' Mo spoke sadly. She attempted to take Isaac back into her own arms as Sacha's attempts were just causing him to whine louder.

'Here let me try' Ric offered holding his arms out for the child.

'Are you sure?' Mo tried to keep the sound of desperation out of her voice.

'Come on pass him over' Ric beamed at the baby as he took him into his arms. 'Shall we go and see what your sister Evelyn has been drawing in the garden?' Ric spoke in a joyous voice to the grumpy infant as he walked out into the garden away from the stressed parents.

'You know he never ceases to amaze me' Serena shook her head as she watched Ric with the two children through the kitchen window.

'He has quite the talent for it' Connie mused as she joined Serena at the window

'Well he's a grandfather after all' Sacha laughed softly as he pulled Mo into his arms.

'You want to stay here tonight don't you?' Mo spoke in a muffled voice burying her head against his shoulder.

'I don't have too, if you'd rather I was at home to help with our Mr grumpy pants?'

'No its ok' Mo spoke softly 'Jac needs you. Besides she did a lot for us when Isaac was first born. I don't think we would have survived all those months he spent in NICU if she hadn't taken care for Evelyn for us'.

'I tell you what, I could go home with Mo' Serena offered her heart melting at the sight of the worn out mother 'I'm pretty sure I can remember how to settle a baby and entertain an eight year old girl.'

'No you don't want to spend your evening doing that' Mo laughed softly 'I'll be fine.'

'You'd be saving me from going home to an empty house and eating alone' Serena pulled her best pathetic face. 'Come on you can have a long soak in the bath, Evelyn and I can fix dinner…'

'Ok you've won me over' Mo laughed softly allowing herself to feel the exhaustion that she'd been denying for weeks.

'Goodness look at the time!' Connie suddenly exclaimed looking at her watch 'I should make a move if I want to be on time to pick Grace up from the airport'

'Thank you for all your help with Ava' Mo smiled gratefully at the woman as she collected together her bag and light jacket.

'Anytime, she's such a sweet girl' Connie smiled back. 'Don't forget you and I need to have that talk about your work load' Connie lightly patted Mo's shoulder before she exited the kitchen.

'Right then, let's get this house back into some sort of order' Serena declared as she started putting glasses into the dishwasher 'and then we can give Jac some space.'

'We're really lucky to have you Serena, you know that right?' Mo grinned as she and Sacha started helping with the clean-up operation.

'What are non-biological family members for?' Serena smiled back, pleased she could be useful instead of returning to the lonely existence that really had descended over her since her mother had passed away and her daughter had left home to start a career in journalism. The truth was she too was paying Jac back for the kindness she had shown her. One night shift Jac had been called to AAU for a consult and the two women got chatting over coffee and biscuits in the staff room. The discovery of the good biscuits led to Serena being more open and thus Jac ascertained the reason why Serena had recently been withdrawn and snappy; the woman was suffering from empty-nest syndrome. Upon stumbling across this discovery Serena suddenly found herself being invited to a variety of meals, outings, training courses and lectures. It was during a slightly awkward evening of watching a basketball game with Michael Spence Serena clicked it was Jac who had been behind the 'entertain Ms Campbell' campaign. To her own surprise Serena found herself feeling entirely grateful; meddling in her affairs it might have been but it had taught her the important lesson of having an active social life. As much as 'team Naylor' might discreetly look after Jac, Jac also had her own discrete ways of caring for those she loved.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please don****'t be shy; leave a review to let me know your thoughts and opinions :-) **

As Jac lay in Jonny arms she felt, just for that moment at least, safe and protected from anyone and anything that could be preparing to hurt her. Still dressed the clothes they wore for George's funeral the couple had sprawled themselves across their double bed, entangling their bodies together in an attempt to comfort one another. She entwined her fingers in his thinking back to when they first met and how he had, unknowingly, had this same effect of her. Back then he didn't know about her childhood or her mother or the terrible time she'd lived through at the hands of social services. She was convinced that if he did know he wouldn't love her anymore because who would possibly want to love someone as damaged as her? She remembered the moment when he had found out she grew up in care homes. How he'd been angry with her for not talking about this with him, not because he was ashamed to be with her but because he wanted to be trusted to share the pain with her. He wanted to hold her, to make her feel better. Most importantly he had convinced her he loved her and wanted her. No matter what he wanted to be with her, just her. Eventually he'd gotten to know all the tales of her past, each story as shocking and horrific as the last, sometimes she did so willingly and at others he'd battled with her to tell him so he could understand. Each time he would hold her, just like he did now, comforting her and expecting nothing of her other than to feel safe with him.

'Jonny?' she tentatively broke the silence that had engulfed them.

'Hmm?' he mumbled kissing her cheek

'I need you to tell Ava' she turned her head so she could bury her face against his neck, breathing in his scent. 'I need you to tell Ava about Paula.'

'Are you sure?' he sunk the fingers of his free hand into her thick hair.

'You heard her earlier, she needs to be told something' she kissed his neck softly 'get Sacha or Michael to help you.'

'I think the whole street heard her earlier' Jonny mused. 'Which bits do I tell her? The abandonments, the stealing of your kidney…?' he let his voice trial off.

'All of it' Jac sighed 'just leave out what happened in the care homes. She doesn't need to know about any of that.'

'Ok' Jonny nodded.

'Why did she have to come back?' she asked again.

'You always said she would.'

'I know but it's been so long I'd almost let myself hope' she sighed.

'Maybe she only wants to know if George left her anything. Maybe once she sees it in writing that there's nothing here for her she'll leave.'

'What if she wants Ava?' Jac let the fear she was feeling into her voice 'now she's seen her she'll stay because of Ava.'

'Shh' Jonny soothed her as he pulled her as close to him as he could 'didn't you just agree with Elliot and Connie there is no use in panicking before we know what she wants?'

'I'm not sure if I can face her again' Jac struggled against the tears that were threatening once more 'I don't think I can cope with it anymore.'

'You won't have to, I promise. We'll all make sure you'll never have to face her again.'

'Why do you stay with me?' she asked in a small voice now 'why would you want to put up with all this?'

'Jac, how many times am I going to have to answer this question before you'll believe it?' He smoothed her hair and squeezed her hand. 'I love you, all of you. You're gorgeous, witty, intelligent, talented and so passionate about the job you do; passionate about saving lives. Why wouldn't I want to be with you? The question you should be asking yourself is what are you doing with an Mr Average like me?'

'No one else makes me feel like you do' Jac spoke in a small voice.

'And it's because I'm so handsome right?' Jonny tried to lighten the mood. 'You have to admit we do make a rather picturesque couple'. He could feel Jac supress a laugh against his neck.

'I love you' she whispered 'you'll never leave me, will you?'

'Jac' he pulled away from her slightly so he could look her in the eye 'why would I leave when everything I could possibly need is just you and Ava?' he kissed her forehead 'you have to stop these dark thoughts eating you up. I need to be with you, I want you in my life. I love you, Ava loves you. Neither of us are going anywhere, you'll never ever be on your own again. Even the darn dog loves you more than he does me' his heart leapt slightly as he saw a faint flicker of smile on her lips.

'What the hell have you done to me Maconie?' Jac smiled softly as she used a line she hadn't used for years, not since the first year and a half of their relationship.

'I know' Jonny laughed softly now too as he remembered the things she used to say to him 'you were just fine before you met me, you were organised, you liked living alone, you had no commitments….'

'….and now I can't get through the day without seeing you, hearing your voice or wondering if I'll be in your arms tonight' She smiled softly at him 'it's distracting, you're distracting'

'And then I would say…' Jonny furrowed his brow in concentration as he tried to remember what he used to say in response.

'You'd be in my arms every night if I had my way' Jac did a poor imitation of his Scottish accent as she filled in the blank for him.

'No way, I didn't say something as cheesy as that!' he laughed.

'I can assure you, you did' Jac smiled at him.

'I'm sure I used to say something far more romantic than that' he traced the ridge of her cheek bone with his finger as he looked at her adoringly.

'It was romantic' Jac kissed him lightly on the lips, letting the kiss linger for a moment before pulling away declaring 'romantic for you anyway.'

'And then I got you pregnant so you had to stay with me' Jonny kissed her back.

'See it was all so romantic' Jac rolled her eyes at him. 'The truth was you made me fall in love with you' she traced his lips with her finger.

'Like the handsome Celtic prince charming I am' Jonny joked.

'Well you can charm the wood from the trees with that accent' Jac laughed at him 'although I think it had a lot more to do with your persistence. You were like a dog with a bone; I couldn't get away from you even if I tried.'

'No that's because you kept coming back' Jonny spoke seriously now 'you kept coming back because you loved me and even though it scared the crap out of you, you wanted to feel that way for ever.'

'Have you been talking to Sacha?' Jac raised one of her eyebrows at him suspiciously.

'No I just know you' Jonny smiled softly at her 'if you were scared think about how it felt for me, you were the first woman I'd slept with that I wanted to spend all my nights with. It was awfully confusing for a guy like me, it was as though my whole life view had changed overnight. Suddenly I was considering spending the rest of my life with just one woman.'

'And then you got me pregnant' Jac laughed softly at her husband.

'So then I had to ask you to marry me didn't I?' he kissed her softly. 'Meeting you was the best thing to have ever happened to me.'

'Doesn't it ever worry you?' she spoke in barely a whisper 'the thought that you could lose it all so suddenly? We've already lost so much.'

'No' he kissed her firmly 'believe in the good things Jac, trust you can have them. Relish them.' He kissed her again. 'Cherish them' he kissed her once more 'it's what keeps me going, every day, the thought of my wife and our Ava to come home to, to spoil and just _be _with.'

They lay in silence together listening to voices of the others down stairs and the sounds of their movements.

'What do you think they're doing down there?' Jac broke the silence once again.

'I'd say they are tidying up for us' Jonny pulled her tightly into his arms 'if we stay here a wee bit longer they'll soon be finished and we won't have to lift a finger.' He kissed the top of her head 'I'm so glad I'm the only one who can comfort you'

'Happy to be of service Maconie' Jac spoke sardonically 'maybe if she who cannot be named pops up you could shower her with gratitude for her timing.'

'Anything to get out of washing up' Jonny gave a mock happy sigh.

'We have good friends don't we?' Jac spoke softly

'Hmm' Jonny murmured in agreement, knowing Jac did not know just how much of good friends they were.

'I should probably get up' Jac spoke 'get changed out of this dress'.

'Hmm' Jonny murmured again.

'Maybe after another five minutes' she sighed contentedly.

'I love you Mrs Naylor-Maconie'

'I know, I love you too.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave a review to let me know your thoughts and opinions. Much appreciation to all those who have reviewed past chapters, I genuinely love reading your views on my writing because it keeps me motivated and helps me to improve my story telling :-)**

Jonny Maconie eventually left Jac's side to shower, change and make his way down stairs. He was expecting to have to politely shepherd the whole of 'Team Naylor' out his house but he was surprised to find only Sacha sat in his kitchen drinking a cup of tea.

'Where's everyone else?' Jonny asked the man sat in front of him, unable to keep the surprise from showing on his face.

'Gone home, we decided Jac would want a bit of space' Sacha chuckled. 'Naturally Michael and I are an exception.'

'But of course' Jonny grinned at him as he took a seat next to his wife's oldest confidant.

'How's she doing?' Sacha asked with a look of concern.

'She's doing ok' Jonny nodded. 'Already picking up although today was not a good day for the mother issue to rear its ugly head.'

'The loss of her grandfather was bound to hit her hard' Sacha mused 'he was the only adult in her childhood, ruling out deceased grandma Naylor of course, who showed her any sign of love or pride or to give her a feeling of self-worth really.'

'If Paula had only just left her with him….' Jonny let his voice trial off sadly.

'I know, I know' Sacha spoke calmly placing a comforting hand on Jonny's shoulder. 'You know I had a feeling she might return. Since George died I've been waiting for it. When I didn't spot her at the funeral I thought we were home free.'

'Where's Ava?' Jonny asked suddenly aware his child wasn't at home.

'She's with Michael, they've gone for food and a change of clothes. We're staying here tonight.'

'Och, Sacha you don't need to do that' Jonny shook his head.

'What if Paula turns up here tonight? We think she followed Ava home so she'll know where Jac is.'

'But you should be with Mo and the little ones' Jonny continued to protest.

'We're staying here, that's the end of it' Sacha spoke firmly. 'We let her down badly when she donated her kidney. We're not going to do it again.'

'Sacha that wasn't your fault' Jonny tried to reassure the man 'you couldn't have predicted what would have happened.' He watched as Sacha shrugged his shoulders. 'Go home to Mo, you'll be of more use there. She's exhausted Sacha.'

'I know' Sacha hung his head 'we both are. I mean, Isaac is our miracle child and we both love him so much but he's not an easy baby. Neither of us can remember the last time we had a full nights rest since we brought him home from the hospital.'

'I _know_ Sacha' Jonny gave the man a meaningful look 'Mo's is my best friend, she talks to me, tells me everything.'

'Nothing I do seems to be right' Sacha sighed 'Evelyn resents the attention Isaac gets, Isaac seems to resent the attention because I only seem to make him worse and Mo, although she never said it, she must be so disappointed in me.'

'Mo isn't disappointed in you, she loves you with all her heart. She's worried about you, worried you are going to leave her' Jonny patted Sacha on the back. 'You know life isn't always meant to be easy but when you don't communicate it makes it so much harder. Go home to your family Sacha'

Sacha nodded his head as he realised all the advice he'd given over the years was now being offered back to him as a solution to his own problems 'I need to see Jac is ok first, just let me at least be of some use here first.'

'There is something you can help me with' he decided Sacha would be a good choice for the conversation he was going to have to have with Ava. 'Jac has asked me to explain to Ava, about Paula.'

'Has Ava never asked any questions about Jac's parentage before today?' Sacha watched as Jonny shook his head. 'Oy' he muttered shaking his own head in response.

'I guess she just thought they were dead' Jonny shrugged helplessly 'and, perhaps naively, we never thought it would be an issue.'

'How much does Jac want us to tell her?' Sacha asked playing with his empty mug.

'Everything' Jonny answered as he stood and filled the kettle.

'Everything?' Sacha queried.

'Minus the terrible goings on the children's homes' Jonny smiled guiltily at the concerned look on Sacha's face. 'Don't worry I'll do most of the talking, it's just I'd rather you were there to help answer her questions.'

'Of which I'm sure there will be plenty' Sacha rubbed his tired eyes 'is Jac really sure about this?'

'Ava needs to be told something and I think she's old enough to hear a slightly tamed down version of the truth.' Jonny set two fresh mugs of tea down on the breakfast bar as they heard the front door open and a chattering and giggling Ava and Michael enter the house.

'Uncle Jonny' Ava beamed as she saw her uncle was stood looking relatively normal in her kitchen.

'Hey there my wee miss' Jonny smiled as he pulled Ava into his arms for a hug.

'Where's Auntie Jac?' Ava asked her face now a picture of concern.

'She's taking a bath' Jonny tucked Ava's long hair behind her ear for her. 'Sweetheart we need to have a little chat.'

'Did I do something wrong?' Ava asked worriedly.

'No' Jonny shook his head 'you've not done anything wrong sweetheart' he led Ava over to the large scrubbed wooden table 'go on take a seat' he gestured for the child to sit herself down.

'Wait, this isn't going to be another "facts of life talk" is it?' Ava air quoted as she looked at the three men with deep suspicion 'because if it is I'd much rather Auntie Jac or Mo talked to me.'

'Oh god no' Sacha laughed at the memory of an eight year old Ava suddenly asking himself, Michael and Jonny where did babies actually come from. Not satisfied with the simplistic answer they grew in their mummies tummies the three men had, embarrassedly, attempted to explain the process to an increasingly confused Ava. For three medical professional this was not, as Jac later told them in the way only she could, their finest hour. It took Jac and Mo a further hour and an half to un-jumble the confused misinterpretations of what the men had explained and give Ava the truthful answer to her query.

'Absolutely not' Jonny confirmed as he took a seat 'those conversations are most definitely reserved for Auntie Jac forever more.' He thought for a moment before adding 'although you can ask me anything, you know that right? We can talk about anything you might want to.'

'Maconie, get to the point would you?' Michael walked over to the table after putting the Chinese in the oven to keep it warm 'this dithering is precisely what got us into trouble the last time.'

'Really?' Ava raised her eyebrows at the three men 'because Auntie Jac said it was because you three were embarrassed idiots.'

'You know you don't have to listen to and believe everything your Auntie Jac says' Michael rolled his eyes as he too sat at the table.

'What I wanted to talk to you about is why Auntie Jac was so upset this afternoon' Jonny reached across the table and took Ava's delicate hand in his. 'This thing is, sweetheart, Auntie Jac didn't have a very good relationship with her mother.'

'Oh boy' Jonny heard Michael mutter under his breath followed by a slight yelp as Sacha kicked him under the table.

'You'll never hear Auntie Jac refer to Paula Burrow's, that's the lady who spoke to you, as her mother because as far as Auntie Jac is concerned she was no mother to her at all.'

'Why?' Ava's green eyes were full of such concern it almost broke Jonny's heart. 'What happened?'

'Well…unfortunately…' Jonny struggled to put the sorry tale of Paula Burrows into some sort of comprehensible order .

'Perhaps we should start at the beginning' Sacha suggested softly 'right from when Jac was first born.'

'Ok' Jonny nodded before taking a slow breath out to collect his thoughts. He watched Michael get up from the table and leave the room. 'When Auntie Jac was first born Paula just left her in the hospital. She waked out, leaving her baby behind. Auntie Jac was being looked after by the nurses, whilst they tried to work out what to do, when Paula returned deciding she did want her baby girl after all.'

Michael returned to the table placing a plain leather bound photograph down in front of Ava and Jonny.

'What's this?' Ava asked touching the worn brown leather 'I've never seen this one before.'

'Auntie Jac keeps this one in the desk drawer of her study' Michael explained as he sat back down 'it's not kept with all the other happy family albums'.

Jonny looked gratefully at Michael wishing he'd thought of this way of telling Ava the sad tale. He opened the front cover to show a photograph of scrawny baby. 'Paula wasn't a very good mother, she didn't do everything she should have done for her daughter' Jonny flipped through the pages of childhood photographs of a malnourished Jac. 'She frequently left Auntie Jac with neighbours or social services and sometimes with her parents.'

'That was only when she wanted something' Jac's sad voice spoke from the doorway to the kitchen.

Jonny turned his head to smile softly at his wife who was stood dressed in one of his old t-shirts over a pair of pyjama bottoms. Her long hair was tied up in a bun and her pale skin was unusually flushed from the heat of her bath.

'Come and sit down Jac' Sacha smiled comfortingly at his friend, moving seats so she could sit down next to her niece.

'If she found it so hard to look after you why didn't she just give you to someone else to look after?' Ava asked as Jac sat next to her.

'Because I was a very good source of money, whether it was benefits or hand outs from Granddad George' Jac answered her niece bitterly. She placed her hand lightly on top of Ava's head, gaining strength from of softness of her child's hair. She watched as Ava turned over the page of the photograph album to show a picture of Jac and her grandmother sat in the rocking chair that now lived in the corner of the child's bedroom.

'That's my rocking chair!' Ava exclaimed as she recognised the furniture.

'Actually it was your Great Grandma Naylor's rocking chair and then it belonged to your mother' Jac gave a soft smile as she ran her fingers through Ava's long thick hair. 'Granddad gave it to me when you came to live with us'.

'You used to rock me in it' Ava screwed up her eyes as she tried to remember something, unsure if it was real or not.

'That's right I did' Jac laughed softly 'every night to get you to sleep right up until you were almost five and declared it was for babies'.

'Did my mother rock me in it too?' Ava suddenly asked 'I think I can remember, in the pink bedroom at the flat'.

'Yes' Jac nodded her confirmation 'yes sometimes, when she was well enough, she used to rock you and read you stories'

'Did she read where the wild things are?' Ava thought hard.

'Yes she did' Jac continued to smooth Ava's hair, knowing these were first memories of her mother the child had recalled for some time 'and the tiger who came to tea. After she died you wouldn't allow us to read either of those to you again. You said they were Mummy's stories'

'I remember' Ava nodded her head solemnly as she turned over the last few pages of the photograph album. 'Is this it?' she asked as she looked at the last photograph of her pre-teen auntie. 'Where are the rest of them? Surely there should be more of you growing older?' she looked up at her aunt expectantly 'where are the ones of your teenage years or going to university or your graduation even?' Ava's voice started to sound a bit distressed 'Why I have never seen pictures of you when you got your medical degree?'

'Because I didn't have anyone to take pictures for' Jac cupped Ava's face in her hands 'the day this photograph was taken was the last time I ever saw Granddad, at least not for many years anyway' Jac kissed Ava's forehead and then let the child go.

'Why?' Ava looked confused.

'Because…' Jac let her voice trial off, suddenly unable to tell Ava the truth.

'Because Paula left Auntie Jac on her own and headed off to India' Sacha explained quietly.

'But why? How old were you and couldn't you have just stayed with Granddad?' Ava directed her questions at her aunt, looking intently at the sad red haired woman sat in front of her.

Jac took a deep breath before she answered the questions 'I was your age, I was only twelve. I couldn't stay with Granddad because she'd told me he was dead and then told Granddad she was taking me with her. As to why I never did find out. I thought it was me, it had to be my fault that no one wanted me.'

Ava wiped away a tear that had escaped from her eye with the back of her hand 'so where did you go?' her voice was thick with emotion.

'I had to go into care' Jac pulled Ava off her seat and sat the child on her lap and despite the fact Ava said she was now far too old for such cuddles the young girl snuggled into her aunt.

'Did she ever come back for you?' Ava asked.

'No she never came back for me. The next time I saw her was many years later when she was sick, really sick.' Jac held Ava tightly in her arms 'she needed a kidney transplant and guess who just happened to have a matching organ?'

'Is that why you had one of your kidneys taken out?' Ava remembered the thick scar on the side of her aunt's abdomen. 'Why did you let her have it?'

'Because she convinced me was staying around, that we could have some sort of relationship.' Jac breathed in the scent of Ava'a hair 'I was lonely at the time, this was way before I'd met Uncle Jonny, and she was so scared, afraid of dying. I knew I could help her so I did.'

'Yeah and almost lost your own life for it' Michael couldn't help the bitter words that escaped his lips.

Jac turned her head to glare at him before giving her attention back to Ava. 'She pretended the medicine you have to take to stop your body from rejecting donated organs was making her ill. Whilst I was out sorting out different meds for her she ran away again. I was worried about her, I thought she was genuinely very ill. My incision site was badly infected and needed treatment but I ignored the advice of your well-meaning god father over there and set off after her.'

'Did you find her?' Ava asked.

'Yes I found her at Granddad's old house' Jac closed her eye's as she remembered that dreadful day, the image of the resigned look on her grandfather's face would stay with her forever. 'Along with the grandfather she'd said was dead and my half-sister she'd failed to mention. Her lies were a bit much, it was all a bit much, so this time I did the running.' Jac gave a bitter laugh 'or rather it was more of a painful walk seeing as the infection had spread and by that point I was extremely ill.' She opened her eyes again to look at Ava 'your mother, my half-sister, followed me to the hospital wanting to see me. I refused because I was so hurt and angry; all those lies and deceit. All she'd ever wanted was the kidney, she'd used me to save her life and then went back to pretending I never existed.' Jac held Ava in silence for a long time. 'The last time I saw her was at your mother's funeral, you probably wouldn't remember. She wasn't particularly nice to me then either.'

Ava lifted her head off her aunt's shoulder and looked into her sad green eyes. 'I didn't think mothers were meant to be like that, I thought it was only wicked step-mothers.'

'Real life isn't like fairy tales Pumpkin' Jac spoke softly.

'I'm glad you're my guardian, I'm glad Mummy found you to look after me' Ava buried her head back against her aunties neck as she sobbed 'I'll never leave you Auntie Jac, you know that don't you?'

Jac swallowed hard as she looked across at Jonny who was wiping his own tears away with the back of his hand. Sacha was franticly searching his pockets for a tissue and Michael was very interested in starting intently at the wood grain of the table. 'Well' Jac spoke, trying to rid her voice of the choked emotion 'we'll see how you feel about that when you're eighteen and desperate to go to university or traveling or something.' She smiled as she heard Ava give a soft laugh which in turn caused the men to give slightly choked laughs too.

'Geez today has been a long day' Michael Spence exclaimed his voice tight with supressed emotion 'who wants some food?'

'I'd better not' Sacha smiled as he stood up 'I think I'd better get back to Mo and my little one's'

'Let me see you out' Jac smiled back at him, setting Ava on her feet as she stood up and followed him down the hall.

'I'm glad you're ok Jac' Sacha spoke softly as he enveloped his friend into a quick hug.

'Oh I'm fine' Jac spoke breezily 'I'm always fine'

'Whatever' Sacha laughed as he let her go.

As he opened the front door to leave Jac decided to give her friend a piece of wisdom 'Sacha when you get home just cherish what you have.'

'I know' he gave Jac a sad smile.

'And don't be afraid to ask for help' she gave him a significant look 'it's ok to need people sometimes.'


	7. Chapter 7

Jac and Ava Naylor-Maconie had squashed themselves into Grandma Naylor's rocking chair, in the corner of Ava's lilac bedroom. Dressed comfortably in their pyjama's they were looking through old photograph albums Granddad George had made of pictures taken when Jac and Jonny had first offered Ava and her mother Jasmine a permanent home.

'She's always smiling isn't she?' Ava remarked as she looked at a photograph of her mother smiling as she built a sandcastle at the beach.

'She smiled a lot' Jac laughed softly as she remembered the few months she'd spent with her sister 'especially when you were around, she loved you so much.'

'I guess she did' Ava mused 'I mean she wrote me letters for every birthday and Christmas right up until I'm twenty one. It must have taken a lot of effort for her to do that.'

'I had no idea she was doing that until she'd died' Jac kissed Ava's cheek 'I don't know where she had the time or the energy but she found it from somewhere, just for you.'

'What did you think when she first arrived? Were you angry at her for just turning up?'

Jac considered her answer for a moment 'I think maybe suspicious is more the word. I don't think I was angry at Jasmine per se but I was still very hurt from what Paula had done to me so I wasn't fully trusting at first.'

'What did you think of me?' Ava asked next.

'When I first saw you, you took my breath away' Jac smoothed Ava's hair as she spoke 'I had only recently lost Amelia, it'd only been a little over four months since she'd died. When you have a baby and they're growing inside you, you imagine what they will be like as a new born, a toddler, starting school and so on.' Ava looked up at her aunt as she spoke 'when I saw you for the first time with your chubby cheeks, fiery red ringlets and those green eyes you looked so like I had imagined my own little girl to be it took my breath away and I had to leave the room.'

'You've never told me that before' Ava spoke softly.

'I know, I'm sorry' Jac looked into Ava's light green eyes.

Ava shook her head 'why are you sorry? You're only being honest.'

'Later I saw you playing with other children in the hospital play park and I couldn't turn down the opportunity meet you, to get to know my own niece.' Jac smiled softly at Ava as she remembered the first time she met her properly 'you were unbelievably cute. You let me push you on swings and then you fell asleep against my shoulder and I just knew from that moment that I loved you'.

'Do I…' Ava hesitated, unsure of whether or not to ask her next question.

'Go on, you can ask me anything' Jac reassured the young girl as she smoothed her hair.

'Do I still remind you of Amelia now?' Ava asked uncertainly.

'No' Jac smiled as she shook her head 'I think she would have still had curly hair like Uncle Jonny and probably his boundless energy and mischievous sense of humour too. The pair of them would have driven us mad.'

'Do you still think about her all the time?' Ava leaned her head against Jac's shoulder.

'Everyday' Jac smiled sadly 'I still have this sort of pain that sits right here' Jac placed her hand on her chest 'it's never really gone since the day she died.'

'When Granddad died I felt as though I had a rock in my stomach, as though I was ill' Ava spoke seriously 'Elliot said it was normal, it was just because I was sad and it would go away with time which it did but then it was here again this morning and then it went away again after the funeral.'

'Everyone experiences deep emotion as an almost physical pain' Jac reassured the young girl 'Elliot is right it is normal to have it and it's normal when it goes away. It doesn't mean you've forgotten about the reason you were sad it just means you've learned to live with it.'

'Why don't I remember the day my mother died?' Ava asked quietly.

'Because you were so little Pumpkin, it doesn't mean you don't love her or don't miss the fact she's not here.' Jac kissed Ava's cheek. 'She was the most wonderful mother to you, she adored you and you could just see it every time the pair of you were together how much you loved each other.'

'When the other girls at school asked why I lived my aunt and uncle and I told them some them were so sympathetic, saying how sad I must be and how much I must miss my mother. The truth is I don't feel sad or miss her terribly because I can't really remember her. I wish I could, just to know her.'

'I know' Jac nodded reassuringly.

'They were talking to me as though I was poor orphaned Annie but I don't feel like that at all because I've got parents. I've got you and uncle Jonny and I know I'm loved which is more than a lot of those girls could say' Ava's voice cracked with emotion as she suddenly clung to her aunt. 'I'm lucky Auntie Jac, I'm so lucky' she sobbed into Jac's chest.

'Hey Pumpkin its ok' Jac spoke softly, surprised by this sudden emotional display. 'It's been a really long hard day hasn't it?' she murmured sympathetically as she rubbed Ava's back.

'How did you cope, not having anyone at all?' Ava sniffed as she finished her cry.

'I just had to I guess' Jac shrugged 'I learnt to be strong and independent because I only had myself to rely on.'

'I don't think I would have been able to do it' Ava wiped away the last of her tears with a crumpled tissue.

'You'd be surprised at what you can endure in this life when you have to Ava' Jac explained with a sad smile 'but you'll never have to experience being alone because you've got so many people to look after you and help guide you. That is what your mother wanted and I'm so proud she found it for you'.

Ava turned her attention back to the photograph album still sat on her lap 'I've always liked this photograph' she smiled softly as she held up the picture of her Auntie Jac and Uncle Jonny embraced in a kiss, unaware photographs were being sneakily taken.

'Your mother had that one made into our wedding invites' Jac rolled her eyes good humouredly as she remembered. She lowered her voice to a whisper as she spoke in confidence 'don't tell anyone else but I actually think that is the best photograph Granddad George ever took.'

'I like the one of little you and Grandma Naylor at bit more actually' Ava considered 'I don't know why because they are both good. Granddad always said the best photographs are the ones you take spontaneously when the subjects are so wrapped up in what they are doing they aren't even aware you caught them.'

'He was a brilliant photographer, its good you've learnt so much from him' Jac squeezed her niece lightly.

'Maybe when I'm grown up I'll be like him, traveling the world as a photographer' Ava mused 'although I'll have to get over my home sickness first.'

'I think that might be a factor you'd have to consider' Jac laughingly teased her niece 'or you could just take photographs in your own country.'

'That's not quite as glamorous though is it?' Ava giggled back.

'Glamorous?' Jac raised her eyebrow 'you thought Granddad's tales of camping in the middle of nowhere with no facilities to be heard of were glamorous?'

'Maybe having a flushing toilet will be one of my job requirements' Ava laughed. She closed the album becoming thoughtful once more 'who's going to put these photograph albums together now Granddad has gone?'

'I think you've just nominated yourself for the job there pumpkin.' Jac answered her squeezing her tightly 'from now on you are chief family photographer and album creator.'

'Well would you just look at you two, what a sight to behold' Michael Spence drawled in his charming American accent as he leaned against the door frame to Ava's bedroom. 'You both don't seem to fit so well in that chair like you did a few years back, have you gained weight Naylor?' He joked cheekily and then ducked quickly as Jac threw a cushion at his head.

'Ha missed' Michael smirked, becoming too consumed in his own smugness to see the cushion Ava now threw at him. 'Hey! Remember I'm your god father!' he frowned as the cushion had hit him with some force in the face.

'Then don't be mean to my Auntie Jac' Ava crossed her arms and looked at him sternly.

'Whoa! It's like I'm looking at two peas in a pod!' Michael joked 'you most certainly carry that Naylor gene Miss Ava.'

'What do you mean?' Ava frowned in confusion

'Oh your mother could look so much like her sister when she was cross it was darn scary. According to your Granddad George they both got it from his wife, Grandma Naylor' Michael explained.

'That's what I meant to ask' Ava turned to look at her aunt 'how come your surname is Naylor and not Burrows?'

'Because I preferred Naylor and your great grandmother was a nice person so I figured she wouldn't mind if I borrowed it' Jac answered simply 'now come on its time for bed and you're making my left side go numb'

'Oh sorry' Ava giggled as she carefully removed herself from the rocking chair.

'This was so much easier when you were three' Jac complained as she got out of the chair rubbing the pins and needles out of her arm were Ava had been squashed against it. 'Night night Pumpkin' Jac kissed Ava on the forehead. 'Don't read for too long' she called over her shoulder as she left the room.

'I won't' Ava called back as she settled herself into her double bed.

'Come on Spence, if you're determined to stay tonight you'll have to help me make up the spare bed' she rolled her eyes at him as she shoved him playfully up the hall towards the spare bedroom.

'You know why I am staying right?' he spoke seriously as he pulled pillow cases on into the pillows whilst Jac wrestled the fitted sheet on to the mattress.

'Because you don't have your own life?' Jac suggested childishly.

'One; in case she who shall not be named turns up' Michael threw the pillow at her 'and two in case you need me to talk to or cry on or whatever'

'I'm not a complete mess Michael and in case you've forgotten I do have a husband to talk too' she rolled her eyes at him as she threw the duvet cover at him.

'Yeah I know but he wasn't there _that_ day and I was' he shrugged. 'You're going to take those sleeping pills Elliot got for you right?' he watched as Jac pulled a face. 'Come on Naylor at least just take them for the next few nights. Your husband has been a rock for you and Ava these last couple of weeks but I think the recurrence of your nightmares might just push him over the edge.'

'The abandonment nightmares aren't as bad as the…' Jac let her voice trial off as she helped him to sake the duvet straight.

'I thought the counselling was helping with those particular nightmares?' Michael frowned at her.

'Yeah well he retired and I haven't found anyone else I feel comfortable with' Jac shrugged 'besides I've only had those dreams a couple of times.'

'I know you're lying' Michael spoke in a sing song voice 'Jonny talks to me and Sacha'

'Fine I'll take the damn tablets' Jac snapped at him 'I don't get what business it is of yours regarding how well I sleep anyway.'

'Whoa! Take a break Naylor!' Michael held up his hands in mock surrender 'it's only because I care, your my family remember?'

'Why did she have to turn up today?' Jac sat down on the edge of the bed.

'Because she just could' Michael sighed as he sat down next to her and took hold of her hand. 'You good?' he asked her.

'Meh, I'm ok' Jac shrugged. 'Talking to Ava about it actually helped, it feels less like a skeleton in my closet now she knows.'

'She's a great kid' Michael smiled warmly.

'I know' Jac smiled at the thought of her niece 'I'm grateful for her every day.'

'You wanna just sit here for a while?' he asked knowing her as he did.

'Yep' she nodded .

'Ok then' he smiled as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

* * *

As Jac tip-toed past Ava's door half an hour later she couldn't resist just taking a peep to ensure the girl had gone to sleep like she'd promised. She carefully opened the door and smiled at the sight of her niece sprawled in a deep sleep with the light duvet only covering her legs. Her left hand clutched hold of the arm of a worn and battered Mr Bear, a childhood toy she swore she no longer slept with.

'What you doing?' Jac heard Jonny whisper behind her.

'Look' Jac whispered as she opened the door a bit wider so Jonny could see their little girl. 'Doesn't she look impossibly and beautifully innocent asleep like that?'

'I thought Mr Bear had been relegated to the book shelf' Jonny whispered with a laugh in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist, smiling at the sight of his wee miss.

'It's been a hard day' Jac shrugged in Ava'a defence. 'We're so lucky Jonny' she whispered as she closed the door again. She turned to face her husband 'I have you and Ava and I'm not going to let anything spoil that' she spoke determinedly as she embraced him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for taking the time to read this story! Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts and suggestions in a review :-)**

'Are you sure you don't want to come with Ric and I today?' Jac asked her niece as she sat the kitchen table eating her breakfast.

'I can't it'd be too weird being in Granddad's flat without him being there' Ava shook her head sadly as she played with the cereal in her bowl.

'Its ok' Jac placed a comforting hand on Ava's arm 'if I'm honest I'm a little bit nervous about going there as well'. Today would be the first day Jac had been back to her grandfather's home since he'd passed away three weeks ago. She was planning to see what needed to be sorted before they could empty the property ready to sell it. It had been agreed as soon as Jac had made decisions as to what was to happen to George's worldly possessions Jonny and Ric would do the actual packing and distribution

'Can you remember to get his hat for me?' Ava asked swirling the cereal around the bowl with her spoon. 'I want it to go in the memory box, you never did see Granddad out without his hat.'

'Sure' Jac smiled. 'You sure you'll be alright at the hospital with Uncle Jonny?' Jac watched as Ava nodded 'I won't be at Granddad's for long because we've got the reading of the will at three.' Jac squeezed Ava's arm 'aren't you going to eat that cereal?'

Ava shrugged her shoulders 'I feel a bit sad today, that's all'.

'Me too' Jac admitted as she pulled Ava into a hug and kissed the top of the child's head. 'I love you Pumpkin' she whispered.

'I love you more' Ava laughed softly as she spoke a saying from her childhood.

'Morning' Michael Spence greeted the pair as he walked into the kitchen doing up his cuff links.

'Michael when are you going to stop sleeping in my spare room and drinking my coffee?' Jac asked as she watched him pouring himself a generous cup from her cafetiere.

'When I know for definite she who shall not be named has got on that plane back to whatever rock she clambered out from.' Michael answered as he took a sip of the fine coffee Jac favoured.

'This is getting a little ridiculous' Jac rolled her eyes 'I haven't had any time alone since the funeral'

'Don't be so melodramatic' Michael laughed 'we leave you in peace in the bathroom don't we?' Jac glared at him, 'Look what are you gonna do if you run into her on your own?' he watched Jac as she shrugged non-committedly. 'Yeah, exactly' Michael rolled his eyes as he buttered himself a slice of toast.

'What have you got on today, anything good?' Jac made conversation as she checked the emails on her phone.

'Just the usual; bowels and intestines, intestines and bowels' Michael sighed as he sat down at the table.

'Definitely done with the cereal now' Ava exclaimed as she pushed the bowel away from herself.

'Sorry kiddo' Michael grinned guilty.

'He's only sorry it's not boobs and Botox, Botox and boobs' Jac joked as she typed a reply to one of her emails

'I can't believe you lot think this kind of talk is normal' Ava muttered under her breath as she stood up from the table.

'Attitude' Jac warned her with a raised eyebrow 'and if you don't want the cereal then have something else.'

'I'm not hungry' Ava shrugged her shoulders.

'You can't go without breakfast' Jac looked at her niece sternly.

'Why not? You do.' Ava answered back.

'Whoa, ladies it's only breakfast' Michael decided to step in before things escalated unnecessarily. 'Ava eat an banana. As your guardian it's Auntie Jac's job to tell you what to do for the best, _do not_ back chat her about it.' He ignored the way Ava rolled her eyes as she grabbed the fruit from the bowl on the counter and stomped out of the room. 'You sure she's not pre-menstrual?' he jokingly asked Jac as soon as Ava was out of ear shot.

Jac shook her head 'if she's anything like me when she is pre-menstrual you will know about it. That is just regular red-headed stroppiness '

'I don't get how you mothers can predict when these sort of things are about to occur in your children. You've been right on the money with Ava every time whether its illness, behavioural, emotional or puberty' Michael shook his head 'it's impressive.'

Jac shrugged 'it's just the same as looking for symptoms in a patient I guess. I mean take the puberty issue; she's too skinny and underdeveloped for menstruation yet, besides I didn't start until I was fifteen and according to Jasmines notes on raising Ava she didn't start until fourteen so I think we've got another couple of years yet.'

'Thanks, that was a little more detail than I was hoping for' Michael responded sarcastically.

'How you ever decided became a doctor I'll never know' Jac returned back to her emails.

'Boobs and Botox remember?' Michael responded to her sarcasm as he stood up from the table, clearing away the dishes 'Botox and boobs.'

'I'm not even going to ask what you two have been discussing' Jonny mused as he walked into the kitchen. 'Have you eaten?' he asked his wife watching as she shook her head. He placed an extra slice of bread into the toaster hoping he could get her eat it. Jac was currently surviving off fruit and yogurt at lunch time and a tiny portion of whatever they happened to be eating for her evening meal. Her weight loss was not yet significant but it was becoming pronounced.

'Good luck with that' Michael muttered in Jonny's ear seeing him buttering the toast on his way out of the room.

Jonny cautiously set the plate containing a single slice of toast and jam down in front of his wife. 'Please?' he gave her a sad smile 'at least try, for me.' In response Jac took hold his hand and squeezed it softly unable to voice the gratitude and the love she felt for Jonny and unable to explain her lack of appetite.

* * *

'He's left everything to me?' Ava asked astonished as she took in the words the solicitor had spoken 'all of Granddad's money is for me?'

'Yes but in a trust fund' Ric Griffin kindly explained to the child. George had appointed him as executor of the will several months earlier. 'Auntie Jac, as your guardian, will have access to it for you until you are twenty one.'

'But what about Auntie Jac?'Ava's eyes looked full of concern 'didn't he leave Auntie Jac anything at all?'

'What do I need money for Pumpkin?' Jac laughed at Ava's reaction 'I earn more than enough of it for myself. Granddad's money should be for you, so you can have any future you may want.'

'There are a few personal effects George did specifically bequeath to Jac' the solicitor continued with the will 'To Mrs Jacqueline Naylor-Maconie I leave the wooden rocking chair' the solicitor looked up from the paper work and smiled at Jac as he added 'he wanted it officially in writing for you even though you've already had it in your possession for many years.' He coughed as returned to reading out the official words once more 'a wooden jewellery box and the jewellery it contains originally belonging to her grandmother and a collection a correspondence between myself and my late wife when I travelled' the solicitor set a box on the table in front of Jac as he spoke those words. 'Lastly I leave my entire collection of photographs and travel dairies to Miss Ava Marie Naylor-Maconie and Ms Jacqueline Naylor-Maconie to do with as they see fit'.

'You should see how much of it there is' Jac muttered under her breath to Jonny as she recalled the number of storage boxes containing George's life's work she seen in the loft of her grandfather's home.

'We'll think of something' Jonny squeezed Jac's hand reassuringly 'it may take us time to sort through it all but I'm sure we'll think of some way of honouring George's work.'

'I also have letters here addressed to Mr Naylor-Maconie, Mrs Naylor-Maconie and of course Miss Naylor-Maconie' the solicitor smiled as he handed each letter to its intended recipient. 'Mr Griffin and I will undertake the task of finding Ms Paula Burrows to pass on the letter Mr Burrows wrote for her'. Jonny felt Jac tense beside him at the mention of her mother's name. 'He said I should tell you the letter informs her she will not be inheriting and the reasons why. Mr Burrows expressly wished for his granddaughter to spared anymore pain which included avoiding any contact between yourselves and Ms Burrows.' The solicitor looked over at Ric, giving the older man a meaningful look.

'Ava, why don't you and I go and have a hot chocolate whilst Auntie Jac and Uncle Jonny finish up here?' Ric spoke to the child understanding the solicitors meaning.

'Can I read my letter?' Ava asked as she stood up to leave the room.

'It's your letter Pumpkin' Jac smiled softly at her niece 'it's up to you.' Ava gave her aunt a hug which Jac responded to, breathing in the soft berry scent of the shampoo the child had used to wash her hair. 'Go on, go with Ric' Jac whispered in her ear 'I'm sure we won't be long.' Ava reluctantly let her aunt go and followed Ric out of the room, slipping her arm into the one he offered her, his old fashioned way of offering the young girl a little comfort as they walked down the corridor together.

'There is something else I feel the need to discuss with you' the solicitor spoke confidentially. 'George came to me about three months ago with a file' the solicitor looked sympathetically at Jac 'it was your social services file.' He watched as the woman's face closed over, refusing to betray any emotion. 'He wanted me to look into taking action against those care homes in which you had suffered abuse. He was, naturally, very angry and upset so I put him in contact with the right people who I thought would be best placed to help him. I don't know how far he got into it but I just wanted you to know in case anyone should contact you…' the solicitor let his voice trail off.

Jac nodded her head showing she understood. She looked across at her husband who was now sat with his head in his hands. 'How did he get it, how did he get hold of my file?' Jac asked finally breaking into the heavy silence.

'I don't know' the solicitor answered truthfully 'I decided it was best for me not to.'

'Where is it now?' Jac asked next afraid such information about her past could be at risk of being read by anyone.

'Connie had it' Jonny muttered his answer, not daring to look at his wife. 'George had it with him when he collapsed. She found it and has discreetly dealt with it.'

Jac looked at her husband in complete shock 'you knew?' she spoke in barely a whisper.

'Only that he had it with him that day, I didn't know why he had it or what he was intending to with it' Jonny spoke looking down at his hands. He heard Jac get up and walk out of the room. He looked apologetically at the solicitor as he stood and followed his wife out of the room.

'You said we wouldn't keep secrets from each other' Jac spoke harshly as she leant against the wall in the corridor breathing deeply as she tried to control her emotions. 'You promised and made me promise that we wouldn't keep things from one another that we would talk about everything.'

'I know' Jonny tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder. 'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't touch me!' Jac angrily brushed his hand from her shoulder. 'You should have told me, I deserved to be told!'

'I was trying to do the best thing for you' Jonny weakly tried to defend his actions 'I was trying to save you from all this hurt' he stared at the angry impassive face of his wife. 'Please Jac' he pleaded for her forgiveness now 'I love you, that's the reason why I kept this from you because I love you too god damn much.'

'I can't be around you right now' Jac's voice cracked slightly with emotion.

'Please Jac' Jonny tried again 'let's just go home, we'll talk it through.'

'No' Jac shook her head 'I need time alone.' She looked at her husband as she forced herself to speak calmly 'go back to work and take care of Ava for me.'

'What are you going to do?' Jonny asked nervously.

'I'm going home, to think this over' she started walking down the corridor 'don't you dare follow me' she spoke determinedly over her shoulder as she walked away from her devastated husband.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews left for the last chapter, they made my day! Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts :-)**

Jac Naylor sat in her car waiting for her hands to stop shaking so she could safely drive herself home. She stared straight ahead at the familiar building of the hospital breathing deeply. A knock on the passenger window brought her out of thoughts as she looked over to see Ric Griffin asking to be let into her vehicle. Jac obliged to his wishes knowing if she didn't her oldest mentor wasn't incapable of causing a scene.

'Well Jonny is pretty much convinced you're out finding a solicitor to file for divorce' Ric spoke sternly as he got into the passenger seat if the car.

'Did he tell you why?' Jac's voice was oddly calm, which Ric found unsettling. She needed to let out her anger and pain before it all became too much for her again.

'He did' Ric nodded. 'You and I both know he did it to protect you.'

'He kept information from me. We promised we'd never do that.' Jac twisted the rings on her left hand with the fingers of her right. 'Makes me wonder what else he's neglected to tell me.'

'He loves you, he was trying to protect you out of love' Ric looked across at Jac's impassive face. 'You know it wouldn't hurt this much if you didn't love him as much as you do.' An uneasy silence filled the car. 'So what are you going to do?' He watched as Jac just shrugged her shoulders. 'Jac if you need someone to be angry at then be angry at me.'

'Why would I be angry at you?' Jac frowned with confusion.

'How do you think George got hold of the file?' Ric spoke matter of factually.

'You?' Jac watched as Ric calmly nodded. 'You gave him my file?' Ric could see her working up into a rage now, precisely what he had intended. 'Why? Why the hell would you do that?! What have I ever done to you to warrant that?!' Jac practically spat. 'So what did you do? Have a nice little chat to George on one of your little outings, told him all about the things his precious granddaughter got up to whilst she was in care?' She glared at her old mentor 'take particular pleasure in letting him know what a _whore_ his granddaughter really was did you?' she shouted the word whore loud enough to cause the family getting out of their car three spaces away to look over in interest.

'Perhaps if you would give me chance to explain' Ric deliberately kept his voice calm 'I can tell you the whole story. And no one thinks you're a whore Jac, least of all your grandfather.'

'I don't think I want to hear it' Jac glared at the man sat beside her. 'Get out.'

'No' Ric responded to her request calmly 'you are going to hear me out.'

'I thought it was nice you and Granddad became such good friends after you retired' Jac glared at Ric 'obviously you had some sort of sick alterative motive going on and people say that I can be twisted and manipulative!'

'It wasn't like that Jac and once you've calmed down and returned to a rational state of mind you'll know I'm speaking the truth. What possible motive would I have to do that to you?'

'I don't know!' Jac hit the steering wheel with her hand to show her frustration 'why the hell does anyone do anything to me?'

'George asked me to get the file for him' Ric spoke gentler now. 'He asked me what I knew about you and your past. I tried to fob him off, told him I didn't know anything. He knew I was lying.'

'Why would he suddenly start asking questions and why to you?' Jac continued to glare at Ric 'Surely a better choice would have been Michael or Sacha? Why the hell didn't he just ask me?'

'He said he had asked you, many times and you always told him everything had been fine. He knew you'd been lying to him too.'

'Would you have told your grandfather, if it had been you?' Jac defended her actions whilst glaring at the elderly black man still sitting uninvited in her car 'would you have been able to tell the one person in your life who'd loved you unconditionally and respected you all those _things _that had happened to you?'

'No' Ric answered her softly 'it wasn't a criticism of you it's just the reason why George sought the information from me. If he went to Sacha or Michael he knew they would lie for you, refuse to help him. But me, well I can look at you and all that's happened to you objectively. It's what I was once paid to do, to take your talent and shape it into a fine skill. I didn't need to know who you were, where you'd come from or what had happened to you. I just needed to make you the best, a registrar I could depend on. Something Lola still chastises me about today.'

'What has your ex-wife got to do with any of this?' Jac snapped.

'She got to know you quite well didn't she? All that time you spent with her on AAU, around her mother universe presence, of course you told her things, confided in her.' Ric looked at Jac questioningly 'maybe you've even told her things that you've never told anyone else. I wouldn't blame you if you had that's just the effect Lola has on people, a rare gift to be the trusted one to whom all the secrets are told.' Ric looked forward, watching people as they came and went through the hospital entrance. 'I called Lola, asked her what I should do. She said she would meet with George, that it would be easier on him to hear it from her. So George and I met Lola and she did the most extraordinary thing. She kept her confidence to you, she didn't tell him anything. She asked him instead what he knew, why he needed that file. Most importantly she asked him what did he think it would do to you if you found out he knew. He said it would break your heart but it would hurt less than it hurt him that he couldn't have protected you from it all.'

'He knew?' Jac spoke in barely a whisper 'all this time he knew?'

'He had an inkling and then after Jasmine died he found letters she'd written to your mother on her laptop, letters which outlined the terrible conditions your mother had left you in.' He snuck a look across at Jac, surprised to see her wiping away tears with her hand. He reached into his pocket and handed her his clean handkerchief. She took it gratefully, a softer look about her now she was less furious. 'He never treated you any differently; you didn't even know he knew. So you were wrong Jac, he didn't respect you any less, he didn't think you were a whore and he most certainly didn't believe any of it was your fault. After that meeting Lola called me. She had considered the things George had said. She told me to find the file for him, to give him the opportunity to make things right, to give him that chance to fight for justice for all that had been done to you.' He touched her hand lightly to make her look at him 'so if you have to be angry at someone, to portion blame and to hate for this, then please let that person be me'.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you for reading. Please review to let me know your thoughts because I love reading them :-)**

Jac had calmly and rationally driven herself home, parked her car in the garage, collected a box from the boot, walked into the kitchen, set the box on the counter, let the dog out into the back garden and switched on the kettle. She did these things methodically, feeling as though she were someone else mechanically going through the motions of what one normally did when they arrived home from a perfectly ordinary day. As she waited for the kettle boil she lifted the lid off the box of items she'd so tenderly packed that morning, looking through them carefully making sure she had everything she might want to remember her grandfather by. Her fingers brushed the rough wool of Granddad's favourite sweater. It was at the bottom of the box, folded neatly by her own hand this morning, having found it causally strewn across the arm of George's favourite armchair. She had chastised him so many times for not keeping things tidy. She would put things away for him making him cross although they'd never argued about it. They had never argued about anything; George would tell Jac if he was displeased with something she did or said but they never quarrelled. There had been an acceptance between the pair of them. They were two independent souls living the way they each chose too and it wasn't up to either one of them to judge the other.

Jac pulled the thick green jumper out of the box and rubbed the harsh fabric against her cheek, remembering the way it felt when she used to rest her head against his shoulder when he hugged her. This was George's 'watching and waiting jumper' as he called it, the one he wore when he was sat out in the open with his camera just waiting for the perfect shot. Jac guessed he must have been up at the crack of dawn on the day he died with his camera, his thermos and his trusty jumper to keep out the misty dawn cold. There was a river he could walk to in under half an hour where he could sit on its banks hidden by a canopy of trees and overgrown meadow flora and fawner watching and waiting for the wildlife to appear just for him. He had taken her once, even though he knew she'd have limited patience for sitting still and just waiting. He'd been pleased she done it for him; curbed her usual fidgeting and need to be active so he could show her the beauty that was only a few miles away from her own front door. He knew she'd been mesmerised the moment she'd saw a rush of iridescent green blue flit down the centre of the river, moving so fast she'd almost wondered if it had really been there at all. George had chuckled at the surprised look on her face speaking softly 'you can see where they came up with the stories about fairies now can't you, my Jackie girl?' They'd had spent two hours sitting on that river bank, listing to the sounds of nature around them, waiting for the moment when a brave kingfisher would land on the branch perch George had waded into the shallow river to set up. They left disappointed with cold numb limbs but George was not defeated; the look on his granddaughters face when she'd seen the magic was enough for him. As they walked back to the house for breakfast Jac had finally broken her silence. 'It seems so strange that there should be such beautiful things in this world amongst all the grey'. George had placed his hand on her arm, gently squeezing it. 'You know I've seen a fair amount of this world Jac and one thing I know for certain is that whatever us humans may try to infect or to destroy there is always some glimmer of hope, some magic that can be found in something. It's almost miraculous but it's always there if you choose to look for it.'

She realised now that he would have known it all, all the horrendous things that had happened to her in some of those care homes. 'I'm sorry Granddad, I'm so sorry' she spoke into the empty room, her voice breaking with the sound of her first sob. They came thick and fast after that, the force them resulting in her sliding down the kitchen units and onto the floor. She sat there, alone, releasing all her anguish and shame with her fingers gripping tightly to her grandfather's dependable jumper.

* * *

She had exhausted herself beyond moving so much so when she heard Sacha Levy's voice calling her as he let himself into her house she didn't bother to compose herself and pretend everything was fine.

'Oh Jac' was all Sacha could say as sat down next to her on the kitchen floor. He reached out to smooth her hair only for Jac to summon up the energy to flinch away from his touch.

'Please don't touch me' she spoke softly her weariness showing in her voice.

'Ok' Sacha smiled encouragingly willing himself to try to understand. 'Did you want to talk about it?'

'No' she slowly shook her head.

'You know Jonny is going out his mind with worry.'

'Good.'

'You don't mean that.'

'The sad thing is you're right.' Jac's voice broke with the sound of a sob 'I want things to back to how they were between us because right now all I'm feeling is this almost physical pain' she let the fresh tears fall freely down her face.

'Is that all to do with the Jonny issue or is it the Granddad issue?' Sacha asked deciding now was the time for directness.

'I think the pain of the Granddad issue would be slightly easier to deal with without the Jonny issue' Jac answered after a moment's thought. 'How the hell is it possible to love someone else this much?'

'I don't know' Sacha shrugged unhelpfully. 'I mean there you are going about your daily business and then boom there they are innocently waltzing into your life and neither of you really know at that moment what fate has in store for you.'

'If you did know you'd run for the hills right?' Jac gave a soft sardonic laugh, drying the last of her tears with the sleeve of Granddads sweater.

'No' Sacha shook his head 'I mean Mo and I are going through a tough time at the moment but I know it'll get better, just like you know you'll forgive Jonny.'

'Will I?'

'Yes because how you feel right now is the same reason why Jonny decided not to tell you the small detail of George having your file on him when he died until he absolutely had to. He let his heart rule his head and frankly I probably would have done the same thing. If I'd had known George knew what you didn't want him know I wouldn't have told you about it either.'

'But I'm not married to you' Jac glared at her friend feeling he was missing the point of her anger 'you and I have never made a pact to tell each other everything.'

'You need Jonny, you love him. He made the wrong decision but is that any reason to end a marriage based on such strength and whole hearted love?'

'I never had any intention of divorcing Jonny, I'm not that melodramatic' Jac sighed exasperatedly. 'I'll never understand why he has to be such a drama queen about everything. I just needed a bit of space, his apologising was suffocating me'

'Well FYI, I think he prefers it when you just have a good yell at him' Sacha tried hard not to laugh with relief now he'd knew Jonny's fears to be unfounded. 'This has just floored him, he doesn't know what to do with a fleeing Jac Naylor'.

'Wait until she's calmed down enough to come back' Jac spoke wryly.

'Just what Ric and I told him.' Sacha considered Jac for a moment. 'You can still trust him Jac, I don't think Jonny would ever lie to you to deceive you.'

'I know that' Jac spoke softly. 'I'm just this whole confused mixture of hurt, anger and shame.'

'Shame?' Sacha furrowed his brow with confusion 'what on earth have you got to feel ashamed about?'

Jac didn't answer him as she started to stand herself up. 'I ought to sort myself out before Ava comes home' she lent against the kitchen worktop as a wave a dizziness took over her. 'I must look a right state' she continued to speak slowly leaning heavily on the counter for support.

'Right, well, obviously you haven't eaten today' Jac felt Sacha gently put his hands under her elbows, supporting her in case her legs gave way. He walked her slowly over to the breakfast bar and sat her on a stool. 'You need to take better care of yourself Jac' he spoke softly to her knowing scolding had never worked in the past. He fetched her glass of cold water and watched her as she drank it. 'Ava has gone home with Mo, we thought it would be best seeing the state Jonny was working himself into.' He watched as Jac played idly with her empty glass. 'She can stay overnight if that would help you.'

Jac shook her head 'No, she should come home, be here with us.'

'You want something to eat?'

Jac shook her head again. 'If you want to help me you could persuade Spence to stop squatting in my spare room. He's driving me insane.'

'But what if Paula suddenly makes an appearance, I thought we'd agreed…'

'I didn't agree on anything' Jac cut him off snappily 'it's you lot insisting on treating me like some sort of incapable invalid.'

'Jac that's not what we're doing.' Sacha crossed his arms impatiently at her stubbornness.

'It's pity, I can't stand pity' she made to stand up once more this time finding the movement more easy to manage. 'Just go home Sacha' she spoke irritably as she walked slowly out of the room. She hesitated on the stairs, listening as Sacha let the dog back into the kitchen, greeting the Labrador warmly like an old friend he hadn't seen for an age. She climbed the staircase leaning heavily on the banister for support, knowing full well Sacha wasn't about to leave her home alone. She wondered through her bedroom and into the ensuite bathroom where she removed her smudged make up and washed her face with cool water.

'You know we don't do any of this out of pity' she heard Sacha's voice speak from the doorway of her bedroom.

She finished patting her face dry before she walked out of the bathroom to talk to him.

'When are you and Michael going to accept I don't need you as much as I once did?' she crossed her arms as she sat down on the end of her bed. 'Sometimes the pair of you are a bit much, it's smothering.'

'Ok' Sacha nodded seeing her point.

'I have Jonny now, we've been married for eight and a half years.'

'I know' Sacha smiled as he sat himself down next to his friend. 'The thing is we're used to just having to force our help on you, you know what you're like, too proud to actually ask for it.' He nudged her with his shoulder. 'I'll get Michael to stand down, tell him to stay at his own flat.'

'Thank you' Jac sighed. 'You do realise if she who cannot be named did turn up on my doorstep I just wouldn't open the door?'

'Well that would be logical' Sacha mused.

'If she were really going to contact to me she do it somewhere I have less control over presence like at the hospital or the supermarket. Somewhere public that she couldn't be banished from.'

'Is that why you haven't been out alone?' Sacha suddenly realised every time Jac had needed to leave the house in the past two weeks she always arranged it that someone were with her or would be meeting her. He watched as Jac just shrugged in answer. 'Pretty smart' he nudged her again with his shoulder 'none of us even noticed you were doing that.'

'See, I am actually capable of looking out for myself' she rolled her eyes at him 'I've had years of practice.'

'I know' Sacha smiled apologetically 'I guess sometimes we just forget.'

'Any way how did the meeting go?'

'What?' Sacha thought his heart was going to stop with shock, she couldn't possibly know about the emergency 'Team Naylor' meeting Ric had called this afternoon could she?

'The meeting you had yesterday with Isaac's paediatric team' Jac raised her eyebrow at him questioningly.

'Oh _that_ meeting' Sacha unsuccessfully tried to keep the relief out his voice.

'Of course I meant that meeting, which meeting did you think I meant?'

'Well you know I have a lot of work meetings' Sacha lied quickly 'and yeah that meeting was good, very positive.'

'So everything's ok with Isaac then?' Jac continued to look questioningly at her oldest friend having developed the suspicion he was hiding something from her.

'As ok as it could be, they're pleased with his progress' Sacha nodded.

'But…?' Jac looked at Sacha encouragingly.

'Mo is convinced there's something wrong with him, the way he's becoming increasingly difficult to settle. I said if there was something wrong with him the consultant would have found it' Sacha looked down at his hands as he spoke. 'So then she said it must be her fault then, she's obviously not doing a good enough job as a mother. I told her not to be so ridiculous, she said a few things back, I pointed out none of this was fair on Evelyn, she threw a teething ring at me accusing me of making her feel guilty and then I spent the night on the sofa'.

'Oh Sacha' Jac placed her hand over his comfortingly 'you're both under a lot of stress, I'm sure Mo didn't mean it.'

'That's what she said at three AM this morning' Sacha smiled softly. 'That's what I love about Mo, she hate's leaving an argument unresolved, always says you shouldn't part on cross words because you never know what might happen.'

'I still have the ring you know' Jac squeezed his hand as she mentioned the ring he had given her to look after for him 'it's been sat in my draw for over a year and a half now.'

'There just doesn't seem to be a right moment' Sacha shrugged. He had been planning to propose to Mo when she was still pregnant with Isaac, formulating an elaborate plan which had involved half the hospital. On the day the event was set to happen Mo was rushed into hospital in early labour. The plan had been abandoned, the ring given to Jac to look after and the staff had silently agreed never to mention it Mo, still hoping for a Sacha Levy surprise proposal to occur at any moment.

'You do still love Mo?' Jac voiced the question hesitantly, unsure if she actually wanted to hear the answer to this question.

'Of course I do, I love everything about her' Sacha smiled sadly 'I'm just not sure if she still feels the same way about me.'

'You big idiot' Jac rolled her eyes at him 'do you really have no idea how much that woman loves you? You can see it in the way she looks at you.'

'So do you think I should still ask her?' he grinned.

'You are such an imbecile sometimes' Jac leaned her head against his shoulder.

'You know Chrissie was jealous of you and I' Sacha suddenly remarked with a soft laugh 'actually accused me once of having an affair with you when I arrived home a bit tipsy after one of our dinners.'

'Well that's gross' Jac pulled a face.

'I told her it would be rather like incest' Sacha chuckled 'she told me not be so ridiculous, we weren't related and that I was man just like any other and if it was offered to me on a plate it wouldn't matter who the woman was.'

'Charming' Jac spoke sarcastically 'I'm so glad you told me that.'

'Well she just didn't get it' he squeezed Jac's hand.

* * *

Jac had been asleep when Jonny eventually arrived home from work later that evening. He watched her from the doorway of their bedroom. Her face wasn't relaxed, it was tense and anguished. He guessed the dream she was having was not a good one. He walked quietly over to her side of the bed crouching down on the floor beside her so his face was level with hers.

'Jac?' he called her name softly, wanting her to wake but not to startle her. 'Jac?' he watched as her eyes slowly opened. 'It's just me, its ok you're safe' he smiled softly at her as she came fully back conscious. 'I'm so sorry Jac.'

'I know, you said' her voice was soft this time not harsh like it had been outside his office.

'You know a few weeks ago you asked me if I ever worried about losing you?' he watched as she nodded. 'Well this afternoon I was terrified, so scared I'd mucked everything up, I'd lost your trust and you were going to leave me.'

'I wouldn't leave you' she spoke seriously 'I couldn't.'

'I promise you I won't ever do it again, I'll tell you everything even if I think it'll cause you pain because the thing is you're right, you deserved to know. I should have told you.'

'Yeah you should have told me' Jac reached out and took hold of his hand. 'I still need you Jonny, I can't do this on my own.'

Relieved to have her hand lovingly holding his Jonny sat himself down on the floor beside her, leaning his head so it rested against hers. 'How is it possible to love someone so much?' he asked her quietly.

'I asked Sacha the same thing earlier' she smiled tenderly. 'He didn't know either.'

'He's gone to bring Ava home.'

'Good.'

'We'll be ok Jac.'

'I know' she squeezed his hand. 'It's just going to take some time that's all.'

* * *

'Auntie Jac?' Ava's hesitant voice spoke from the doorframe of Jac's bedroom. Jac opened her eyes slowly. She hadn't been sleeping just merely dozing, not allowing the thoughts to swirl around too much in her head. 'Are you still sleeping?'

'No Pumpkin I'm not sleeping' Jac rolled herself so she was on her back as she answered her niece. 'Did you have a good time at Mo and Sacha's?'

'We made meatballs for tea' Ava spoke as she sat on the bed next to her aunt. 'Mo's a really good cook'

'That's good' Jac smiled at her niece.

'Mo said you're really sad about Granddad' Ava laid herself down next to her aunt 'its ok you know, I understand.'

'You do?' Jac smoothed Ava's hair for her.

'Well I thought about it and I guess granddad was sort of the only real parent you had and now you've lost him for the second time over' Ava looked sympathetically at her aunt 'so guess you're bound to feel really sad and upset.'

'When did you get to be so smart huh?' Jac teased her niece.

'I've always been smart' she giggled.

'You know Ava, it's real same you're so squeamish because I think with your empathy you'd make a pretty great nurse.'

'Really?' Ava beamed.

'Sure' Jac smiled 'just don't tell Uncle Jonny I said that.'

'Everyone always thinks I'll end up being a doctor like you' Ava smiled 'which I guess is a compliment.'

Jac shook her head 'you have to be hard to do my job, you can't get emotionally involved or too attached. I don't do tea and sympathy I do the problem solving and I'm not always liked for it.'

'I like you' Ava kissed her aunt on the cheek 'and you were pretty great when I had flu last year.'

'That was a little bit different' Jac laughed 'you're my child not a random patient with annoying habits.'

'I always tell people I wouldn't want to be a doctor because of the hours, I'm too embarrassed to admit it's because I faint at the sight of blood'.

'Everyone's different Pumpkin' Jac ran her fingers through Ava's long auburn hair 'you should be whatever it is your heart wants you to be, not what everyone thinks you'll end up doing.'

'That's what granddad said in his letter' Ava smiled proudly 'he said I have every opportunity to follow my dreams and if it doesn't work out the first time to keep on getting back up and keep on trying.'

'Well that's good advice' Jac smiled softly 'what else did he say?'

'That he loved me and he was so proud of me. It was nice' Ava snuggled close to her Jac and put her skinny arm around her aunt's waist. 'He also said I should listen to you and if I think you're being unfair I should remember it's because you want to keep me safe. He said I should remember to tell you I love you every day and I should look after you just like you look after me.'

'That is nice.' Jac put her arm around her niece and hugged her tightly.

'Have you read your letter yet?' Ava asked, yawning.

'No, I'm feeling a bit too sad for that yet.'

'Maybe you should, it might help' Ava closed her eyes suddenly feeling sleepy.

'Maybe' Jac kissed the top of Ava's head seeing the child starting to fall asleep. 'I love you Ava, you know that right?'

'Of course' Ava mumbled sleepily.

Jac watched the child as she slept her face so innocent and unspoiled by unhappiness and pain. Jac knew she would do anything to prevent Ava from facing the things she had endured when she'd been the child's age. She had no doubt the over powering sense of love she felt for the child would drive her do anything to protect her. As to why her own mother hadn't felt that way about her Jac could only think of reasons that blamed herself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for reading! Please don't be shy; leave a review to let me know your thoughts, opinions and suggestions :-)**

Jonny Maconie lay beside his wife holding her hand as she slept fitfully. This had been as much physical contact she would allow him to have with her since the day of the will reading. Each time he'd tried to pull her into his arms, to hold her tight, she would stiffen unable to relax in his embrace. She hadn't left the bedroom for two days and only left the bed to go the bathroom or to stand in the shower, letting the warm water sooth her. Her behaviour frightened him. He hadn't seen her this closed off since they lost Amelia and even then that had seemed different somehow. He had called work and made excuses for their absence claiming Jac was sick and he needed to take care of her. To spare the child from seeing her Auntie Jac in this condition he arranged for Ava to stay with Michael. Ava still had a week of summer vacation to go before she had to return to school and being spoiled rotten by her god father seemed like the perfect end to her.

He let go of Jac's hand and carefully moved himself off the bed so as not to wake her. He felt exhausted. He hadn't slept properly for over forty eight hours watching over his wife like a hawk. He wouldn't admit it to himself but he was afraid of what Jac might do if he left her alone. He crept down the stairs to make some food, even though he knew she wouldn't eat it. He kept trying regardless racking his brains for her favourite comfort foods that he just might be able to tempt her with. The doorbell rang as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He answered it to find Michael Spence stood on his doorstep.

'Jeez Maconie you do not look good' Michael exclaimed as he took in the weary face of the Scotsman stood the open doorway in crumpled Jeans and t-shirt.

'Is everything ok? Where's Ava?' Jonnie spoke tiredly stepping back to let the man in.

'Everything is fine, you don't need to worry about Ava she's spending the day with that friend of hers, Isabelle.'

'That's good' Jonny nodded. 'Good to keep her occupied.'

'Jac's not really sick is she?' Michael crossed his arms as he followed Jonny to the kitchen.

'She's not right Michael' Jonny confessed sitting himself down at the table, exhaustion finally defeating him. 'I don't know what to do, I've never seen her like this.' He slumped his shoulders biting down on his bottom lip trying desperately not to cry in front of the other man.

'Ok, it's ok' Michael sighed resignedly as he patted Jonny on the shoulder. 'I'm sure I've seen her in a much worse state and she'll get through it, we always get her through it somehow'.

'She won't talk to me, she won't eat. I can barely get her to drink.' Jonny put his head in his hands. 'She won't even let me touch her and she keeps spending all this time stood under the spray of the shower, crying although she won't let me see that she is.' Jonny looked up at the man he was confiding to. 'I'm losing her Michael, it's like she's gone and left this shell, a shadow of herself.'

'I need to see her Jonny' Michael commanded.

'No' Jonny firmly shook his head. 'She won't let you, not like this.'

'Oh she'll let me' Michael spoke authoritatively 'I'm not giving her the option.'

'She won't want it Michael.' Jonny stood up quickly, intending to block Michael's exit from the kitchen. 'She wouldn't forgive me if I let you see her like this.'

'Come on out of the way Maconie' Michael spoke impatiently now, crossing his arms. 'I can assure you I've seen her at her worst, just let me…'

Michael didn't finish what he was saying as the two men heard the sound of a body hitting the floor coming from upstairs.

'Jac!' Jonny called desperately as he tore up the stairs and into the bedroom with Michael hot on his heels. 'Oh god, Michael ring for an ambulance!' he spoke panicked, forgetting all his experienced years of medical practice as he found his wife's lifeless body lying on the floor of the bedroom.

'Calm down, she's fainted that's all' Michael spoke sternly as he knelt down next to his friend, placing his fingers on her neck to check her pulse. He satisfied himself it was normal before placing his hand on her forehead. 'Jesus, she's burning up!' he glared at Jonny 'didn't you notice she was running a temperature?!'

'Like I said she hasn't let me touch her' Jonny clenched his hands in distress. 'I've haven't slept…' he let his panicked excuses trial off as he saw Jac's eyelids begin to flutter as she came round. 'Jac, sweetheart, its ok I'm here' he spoke reassuringly to her having finally come to his senses. He grabbed hold of her hand, pushing Michael out of the way. 'What were you doing sweetheart?'

'I went to the bathroom' Jac spoke groggily. 'What's Spence doing here?'

'Taking care of you' Michael answered her briskly. 'Now, are you hurting anywhere? Have you banged your head at all?'

'There was blood…' Jac started to faint again.

'Wait, Jac come on stay with us' Michael patted Jac's cheeks to get her to stay awake 'there was blood, in your pee, there was blood right?'

Jac nodded before her eyes rolled and she fainted once more.

'Jesus Maconie, I thought you said she wasn't sick!' Michael exclaimed angrily taking his phone out his pocket.

'She didn't say anything! I didn't know!' Jonny's voice was starting to sound panicked once more.

'Focus!' Michael snapped at him as he waited for his call to connect. 'Try and get her to come round.'

'Jac, come on Jac!' Jonny spoke urgently to his wife. 'Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.' He felt her lightly squeeze his hand as her eyelids fluttered once more.

'I'm sorry Jonny' she mumbled.

'Don't apologise you've got nothing to be sorry for ok?' Jonny spoke reassuringly to her whilst listening to Michael in the background barking orders down his phone to someone at the hospital. 'We're going to make you all better, you'll see.'

'Jac, I need you to answer me, are you in any pain?' Michael appeared in her vision one more.

She nodded her head as she indicated with her hand to her right hand side. 'It's in my back, really bad, it think it's my kidney'. Michael moved away once more leaving just Jonny in her field of sight. 'I don't want to go to the hospital' she whispered to her husband.

'I don't think you have a lot of choice' Jonny kissed her hand. 'You need to get well, for Ava's sake we need to get you better ok?' he watched as she nodded. 'I'm going to be with you the entire time.'

'Promise me, promise you won't leave me' Jac softly begged him, clutching tightly to his hand, the fear she was feeling evident in her eyes.

'Of course I promise, I'll be with you every second' Jonny forced himself to smile bravely for her. 'They'll have to force us apart if they need to.'

'Right let's go, I'll drive' Michael commanded having ended the call and picked up a blanket to keep Jac's frail body warm. Although it was a glorious Indian summer's day outside Jac was only dressed in pyjama bottoms and t-shirt and Michael doubted she had enough body fat on her stop her from feeling cold.

'I'm going to have to carry you, ok?' Jonny spoke softly to her, waiting for her to nod before he scooped her up into his arms.

'I'm sorry Jonny' Jac whispered letting a tear roll down her cheek as her husband carried her down the stairs.

'It's alright Jac, everything will be alright' Jonny spoke with far more confidence than he felt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for reading I hope you all enjoy this next part. Please take a moment to write a quick review. I appreciate all feedback as it helps me with plotting the story and improves my writing :-) **

'Did you see the way he carried her in here?' Adele Effanga whispered to Mary-Claire as they stood at the nurse's station on AAU watching Jonny Maconie as he sat in waiting area for news on his wife's condition. 'It was as though he was carrying in the world's most precious possession. Why can't I find a man to treat me like that?'

'Aye, the Naylor-Maconie love story is one of the most romantic you'll find in this place.' Mary-Claire sighed as she watched Jonny's tormented face look up every time a doctor or nurse walked past the chairs. 'You should have seen the wedding, the only one I've been too where I've been sure it'll last.'

'That's a bit cynical of you isn't it?' Harry Tressler spoke from his chair, putting his feet up on the desk. 'What about the marriage of the Digby's last year?'

'It'll last them a few years, maybe a couple of kids, and then they'll hit middle age and she'll look at him blading and potbellied and he'll look at her still as glamorous as the day they met and one of them will have a midlife crisis' Mary-Claire shrugged.

'Wow single life really has left you bitter hasn't it?' Harry guffawed.

'Say's you the serial jack-the-lad who still hasn't made it as consultant' Mary-Claire retorted back.

'I'm still biding my time, waiting for the right path to appear' Harry smirked.

'It's been eight years Harry' Mary-Claire crossed her arms 'it's a fear of commitment that's your problem.'

'Guys stop it' Adele hissed, watching as Michael and Serena both walked over to where Jonny was sitting, their faces grim. 'I feel so sorry for the poor guy' she spoke sympathetically.

'Aye, it's him you should feel sorry for all right' Mary-Claire nodded. 'She'll have done it this time, starved herself too far. She'll be tubed fed by tomorrow tea time if you ask me.'

'What! She's done this before?' Adele asked with surprise. She'd helped Serena get Jac changed into a hospital gown, the red-haired consultant had been too weak to manage the task herself and for some reason she wouldn't allow her husband to help her with the task of undressing. Adele had been shocked at the woman's emaciated body; stick thin arms and legs and jutting rib cage. Serena's warning glare had been enough to stop her from remarking on it.

'Oh yes' Mary-Claire nodded. 'Back when her little girl died she didn't eat for months. Ms Naylor may be a genius but she's a regular nut job I can tell you. You saw the way she refused Mr Griffin to consult on her case earlier?'

Adele nodded as she recalled the way Jac had somehow summoned up enough energy to yell across the ward if they insisted a washed up old has been with questionable morals on confidentially was to be part of her medical team she would discharge herself and head to St James. Quite how she was to achieve this no one knew but her threat was enough to force Mr Griffin to retreat into the office. 'I felt well sorry for him, he's such a nice old man and you'd think she would have been pleased he had offered to come out of retirement for her.'

'Well that's nothing compared to some of the other stuff I've seen her pull' Mary-Claire arched her eyebrow knowledgably.

'If you lot have quite finished your gossiping, perhaps one of you could make yourself useful and fetch Jonny a pair of scrubs' Mo Effanga's voice hissed angrily behind them. Adele rolled her eyes at Mary-Claire as she walked off to the supply cupboard to do as Mo requested. 'Feet off the desk Harry' Mo barked at him. 'Don't you have any patients that require you're attention?' She glared at him until he moved away from the nurse's station. 'As for you' Mo spoke in a dangerously low voice to Mary-Claire 'you've been here a long time so you of all people know Jac's story, it doesn't show much compassion to be gossiping about it does it?' Mo snatched the scrubs Adele now handed her, gave one last glare at the two nurses before she strode off in the in direction of her friend.

'I thought you said those rumours about Ms Naylor weren't true?' Adele whispered to Mary-Clare.

'Obviously there is more truth in them than I thought' Mary-Clare shrugged before walking off to start doing some work before she ended up in deeper trouble.

'Hey Jonny Mac' Mo greeted her friend warmly as she sat down beside him. 'I've brought you some scrubs, I thought you might want to get out those clothes.' She wrinkled her nose as she indicated to bile vomit covered jeans and t-shirt Jonny was wearing.

'Oh thanks' Jonny smiled appreciatively as he took the scrubs from her 'I'm hoping she won't remember doing that, she'll be embarrassed.'

'Or use it as leverage yeah?' Mo joked softly. 'The next time you want something remind her of the time she vomited bile all over you before passing out.'

'Maybe' Jonny forced a soft laughed 'I think Michael was relieved she was out of his car at the time.'

'He's taking good care of her' Mo rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.

'I know.'

'She's got the best team looking after her now.'

'What am I going to do Mo?' Jonny broke down, wiping away his tears with his hand. 'They say they won't tube feed her, not while she's got this infection. I can see her starving herself to death this time Mo, I seriously can.'

'Hey, it won't come to that' Mo squeezed his shoulder, resisting the urge to hug him not wanting Jac's vomit to be transferred to her own clothes. 'Michael and Sacha won't let it.'

'They're too close to her Mo, they won't sanction it if it needs to be done' Jonny spoke with quick temper.

'Hey calm down' Mo spoke firmly. 'Listen to me, we've got her through this once before and we'll do it again. I agree with Sacha on this one. What Jac needs is understanding and time not brute force against her wishes. Her head is messed up enough as it is.'

'I can't do this anymore' Jonny broke down with a sob. 'I can't take seeing her like this anymore and this time she's put the barriers right up, won't let me in so I can try to understand her.'

'Jonny you're exhausted, you're both exhausted' Mo continued to speak firmly. 'This what you're going to do; you're going to come up to Darwin with me, get changed and then have an hours sleep in the on call room.'

Jonny shook his head 'Jac needs me'

'She's sleeping and undergoing tests' Mo squeezed his shoulder. 'If she wakes and wants you one of the nurses will call. Ok?' she watched as Jonny nodded. 'Alright then' she helped her friend to his feet. 'It'll be ok I promise.'

* * *

Guy Self had been enjoying a quiet moment alone in his office away from the hustle and bustle of the hospital and its problems when there was a knock at his office door. He sighed sadly to himself before calling 'come in'. The door was opened by Serena Campbell and she let several members of staff file into the room before firmly closing the door again.

'What's all this?' Guy looked irritably at Serena hoping she wasn't staging some sort of mid-life crisis coup.

'What does it look like?' Serena settled herself down in one of the arm chairs. 'It's a meeting.'

'Or more precisely a Team Naylor meeting' Sacha Levy explained helpfully.

'Ok you lot are going to have to help me out here' Guy rubbed his eyes tiredly 'because I have a terrible headache and now I think I'm having some sort of episode where four consultants, one of whom is meant to be retired, and two registrars have just entered by office claiming to be working on behalf of Ms Jac Naylor. Which may I add is a rather terrifying thought?'

'No no no' Sacha laughed as he shook his head 'Jac has no idea Team Naylor even exists. We do this secretly, to look out for her.'

'Still believing I'm having some sort of episode but slightly less concerned Ms Naylor is trying for world domination.' Guy crossed his arms as he considered they unlikely bunch of people scattered around his office. 'What's this all about?'

'Have you heard Jac was admitted today?' Elliot Hope now spoke up deciding it was time to end the poor man's confusion.

'I had heard yes' Guy hid an amused grin. 'Apparently caused a bit an entrance and managed to verbally abuse a valued retired member of staff. I was under the impression it was nothing too serious?'

'Well it shouldn't be' Michael Spence chipped in now. 'She has a serve kidney infection, which considering she only has the one isn't great news for her, but we're treating it and she should respond well to the antibiotics. But she's also malnourished and underweight' Michael decided there was no point in beating about the bush.

'Malnourished?' Guy sat up straight in his chair. 'Underweight?'

'Ah Zosia didn't mention that part in your little coffee meeting then?' Serena smirked at him.

'What are we talking about here? Does Jac Naylor have anorexia?' Guy ignored Serena's little jibe at his quality father/daughter time.

'No need to be quite so melodramatic' Michael spoke irritably, hoping Guy wasn't about to start suggesting psychiatric assessments.

'I would more say stress and anxiety related' Serena stepped in quickly 'she's going through bereavement and one of the way's Jac deals with emotional distress is by not eating.'

'What Jac needs is a little time to process things, to get her head straight' Ric spoke now.

'She been through this before' Mo chipped in 'with Amelia, she worked through it then she'll do it again now.'

'Amelia? Who's Amelia?' Guy furrowed his brow in confusion

'Amelia was Jac's daughter, the one she lost eight years ago' Elliot reminded Guy softly.

'Oh right' Guy nodded remembering some of what he'd gleaned from conversations with Jonny.

'Perhaps if you took an interest in your staff…' Serena let her voice trial off as Guy gave her a menacing glare.

'I don't choose to delve into my staffs' personal lives thank you Ms Campbell. If they choose to come to me for help then so be it but otherwise I see it as best not to stick my nose were it isn't wanted because I most certainly wouldn't want people meddling with my personal affairs.' He glared at each member of team Naylor in turn as he spoke.

'Oh no, this isn't meddling' Sacha defended their actions.

'Believe me where Naylor is concerned, either you stick your nose where it isn't wanted or she goes completely off the rails' Michael confirmed.

'I think we'll both agree Jac is one asset that is worth a bit of meddling' Serena gave Guy a significant look.

'Shouldn't she just be referred to Psych?' Guy slumped back into his chair having become uncomfortable with the idea the mental of health of one his most valuable employees was at risk.

'No!' all six of team Naylor shouted in unison.

Guy gave each of Team Naylor a considering look. 'She doesn't self-harm?'

'Never' Michael confirmed for him

'Or attempted to take her own life?'

'Jac loves life, she isn't suicidal' Sacha angrily jumped to his friend defence. 'What kind of questions are these?'

'The sort a concerned employer should be asking' Guy spoke angrily back. 'Why have you come to me with this if you lot were doing so well dealing with this on your own?'

'We need you to insist Jac takes some leave' Ric rubbed his eyes tiredly. 'It wouldn't be advisable for her to be treating patients'

'But you must let her still spend time in lab. It's vital she can work on the Hertzig' Elliot added. 'It helps her to have something to focus on.'

'Sounds reasonable' Guy crossed his arms. 'Why is it I get the impression you lot aren't being entirely transparent with me? Why is she upset with you for a start?' he addressed Ric.

'Because I did something she didn't like' Ric shrugged sadly. 'Something I now regret.'

'Right ok I'm fed up of talking in riddles' Guy held up his hands. 'I'll agree to your plan and I'll promise not to inform psych but someone here needs to tell me the whole story.'

He watched as the six adults shared looks, silently communicating with one another.

'If we tell you, it means you're one of us and that means you cannot tell Jac what you know or that Team Naylor exists' Michael informed him.

'Like a secret society?' Guy laughed incredulously.

'It is no laughing matter' Ric spoke seriously. 'You'll understand why one you've heard the whole tale.'

'I'm listening' Guy quickly matched Ric's serious tone, realising there was more to the ingenious Ms Naylor than he'd originally thought.

* * *

Jonny woke up from his brief nap in the Darwin on call room. He checked his phone for messages and saw none had been left him which was oddly reassuring. He sat himself up and swung his legs round so he was sat on the edge of the bed. He put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths. Mo had been right; the sleep had done him some good. He could think rationally now and knew he would have to get Jac talking; getting her talking was the key to solving this. He looked up as the door opened.

'Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were in here' Connie smiled apologetically.

'That's ok.' Jonny smiled politely.

'How's Jac?' Connie asked sitting down next to him on the bed.

'Well I've not had any calls or messages so I'm guessing she's still sleeping' Jonny ran his hands through his hair. 'Everyone keeps on telling me she'll be fine, she get through this just like she's gotten through things before.'

'You're not convinced?' Connie asked him placing a concerned hand on his shoulder.

'This is different' Jonny shook his head 'before she'd always let me comfort her, hold her. Even if she couldn't put into words what she was feeling she'd let me hold her, she'd want that physical contact.' Jonny shrugged. 'No one is listening to me, taking me seriously when I'm trying to tell them this time something is really wrong. They're all so convinced they know best they are ignoring me, her husband, the person who really knows her.'

'I'm listening Jonny' Connie rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. 'You can talk to me and I promise to just listen'.

* * *

Guy sat in silence as he digested the things Michael and Sacha had just told him. 'How is it even possible for one person to endure so much?' He broke into the silence. 'And then to choose a career like this, to dedicate your life to saving others…' Guy let his voice trial off.

'She's pretty extraordinary right?' Sacha spoke proudly of his best friend.

'The reason why we have to help her like this, a secret team of us, is because she hates pity' Ric explained softly. 'She won't easily tell anyone what's happened to her or use it as excuse. She doesn't pity herself, so why should anyone else?'

'She so strong, determined' Guy shook his head. 'You'd never have guessed.'

'You left out stubborn' Michael joked 'it's that trait that keeps her going.'

'So she really doesn't know that you all know this information about her or that you are constantly looking out for her?'

'She knows Sacha and I know' Michael corrected him, 'and possibly thinks Ric knows a little.'

'She knows I know now' Ric interrupted. 'I think she's always known I knew bits and pieces.'

'I'm not sure I can face her, without her knowing I now know' Guy shook his head. 'I'm a terrible liar.'

'You don't need to lie' Mo helpfully spoke up. 'You just treat her how you've always treated her, no pity, no sympathy and definitely no extra allowances'.

'Allowances?' Guy laughed. 'That woman generates over a quarter of this hospital's income, I'm forever making allowances for her.'

'Now you see why it is so important to help protect her' Serena smiled softly. 'She isn't insane, although she can be difficult sometimes, but most definitely a genius who should just be allowed to get on with things.'

'Some of us just do it because we love her' Sacha shrugged. 'The simple fact that Jac is actually a nice person who has been through some very tough and horrific experiences. So we try our best to stop her from having to experiencing even more terrifyingly tough experiences'.

'Well she's got her leave; tell her she can have as much of it as she needs.' Guy leaned back in his chair. 'Tell her do whatever it takes to get well.'

'You'll need to suggest it yourself' Elliot spoke softly. 'Otherwise she'll think one of us has been behind her back.'

'Ok' Guy nodded 'I'll speak to her.' He shook his head as he muttered 'I still can't believe she gave a kidney to that woman after she abandoned her, leaving her in those awful care homes, one of which contained a paedophile rapist…' he let his voice trial off still shaking his head. 'So what's the plan from here, she takes a bit of time off work and then what?'

'We're drafting in the big guns' Sacha looked over at Ric.

'I'm calling on the services of my ex-wife' Ric explained gloomily.

* * *

'I just know they're having a Team Naylor meeting right now' Jonny spoke bitterly. 'Discussing what to do for the best. Excluding me from it because what would I possibly know?'

'I'm sure they don't think you're not capable of helping Jac' Connie spoke soothingly.

'You know I'm the one who got her talking about all those thing that happened to her; her mother, the care homes that rationed food, the foster parent who locked her a dark cellar for hours on end.' He made fists with his palms trying to keep his temper. 'She told me everything about the rape, everything, every tiny little detail.'

Connie hid her shock at the things Jonny was telling her about, these were tales she had not heard before. 'Well, I'm sure that can't have been easy for you to hear' she spoke sympathetically.

'I managed to convince her to see a counsellor, you know, for the nightmares?' he watched as Connie nodded even though she had no idea what he was talking about. 'I got her to do these things so why do they think I'm not capable now?'

'Jonny, I'm sure that's not the case, I'm sure you can still help Jac now.' Connie reached out and took hold of his hand.

'I miss her, and I know that sounds crazy because technically she's still here but I miss the way she would talk to me, find me to comfort her, to hold her. I miss that intimacy with her and I can't help but think it's my fault because I made that stupid mistake.'

'I thought you'd said she'd forgiven you for that?' Connie squeezed his hand.

'She said she had.' Jonny shook his head with confusion. 'It's hard to tell with her sometimes.' He felt a kiss on cheek and as he turned his head in surprise he suddenly found Connie pressing her lips against his, her hands now working their way into his thick hair. He froze in shock, wondering what the hell he should do now.


	13. Chapter 13

**Going by the reaction chapter 12 received in reviews I thought I'd better post this next chapter today. Ha ha! Apologies to those of you who didn't like what happened at the end of chapter 12; this is just my way of having a bit of fun with Connie's inner man-eater. Hopefully you'll all enjoy the fall out of Connie's actions as it unravels. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and opinions :-) **

'Um Connie?' Jonny spoke hesitantly as their lips parted. Her hands had started wondering down his back and she was now kissing his neck.

'Hmm?' she murmured.

'What the hell are you doing?' He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away from himself gently. 'I mean it's very nice and all that but I'm a married man.'

'But not happily though Jonny' Connie tried to push against the hands that where keeping her at bay so she could kiss him once more. 'I'm just trying to give you what your wife cannot.'

'But I am married happily' Jonny spoke softly, not wishing to embarrass this woman who was clearly very lonely. 'I'm in love with Jac.'

'I'm only talking about sex Jonny' Connie ran her hand up his thigh, seeing as he wouldn't let her kiss him. 'I have no need for love. How can Jac not be interested in intimacy with a man like you?' She smiled seductively, resting her hand on his groin.

'Right that's enough' Jonny spoke crossly now, removing her hand from where it rested. 'I'm sorry Connie, you're a very attractive woman and I'm sure there are plenty of men who would be flattered…'

'She wouldn't ever know' Connie took advantage of the fact he no longer had hold of her shoulders and leaned forward quickly to brush his lips with hers. 'I'd just be fulfilling a need for you' she whispered in his ear.

'What the hell is wrong with you? I've tried to be nice' Jonny stood up quickly, now feeling angry. 'I'm saying no Connie, I'm not interested. I love Jac and there's more to intimacy than just sex.'

'Aren't I attractive enough for you?' Connie spoke crossly, trying to hide her embarrassment with anger. 'Is that it? Do you only have one type; skinny, pallid, ginger women?' Connie laughed scornfully 'or are you impotent? Is that why you're not interested in sex and the lack of it in your marriage doesn't bother you?'

'Would you listen to yourself?' Jonny shook his head in disgust. 'I thought you were meant to be Jac's friend, I thought you cared about her.' He hastily put his shoes on so he could leave the room 'and in answer to your questions I find Jac far more alluring than you, not just in looks her personality is just beautiful, and in terms of impotency, well let's just say when Jac and I do find time her cries of ecstasy are enough to tell me I gratify her every need.' He turned away from the defeated and embarrassed woman sat on the bed and exited the room. If he hadn't had been so angry at her he might had felt a little guilty about the tear that was running down her cheek.

He let the door swing shut on the on call room and strode angrily towards the stairwell doors.

'Hey Jonny Mac!' Mo greeted him cheerfully before her face fell into a worried frown seeing the anger on his face. 'What's happened?' she asked quickly. She flinched as Jonny punched the wooden frame of the door.

'What's happened?' Jonny's voice shook with anger 'Well what's just happened is a person who I thought was a friend of Jac's, actually cared about her, has just betrayed her by making a move on her on husband whilst she is lying down stairs on AAU sick and going through some sort of mental breakdown. That is what has just happened!'

'Slow down!' Mo placed her hands on his shoulders trying to get him to control his anger. 'Tell me when did this happen?'

'In the on call room just now' Jonny breathed deeply. 'You know this could just about finish Jac off when I tell her.'

'Whoa, wait a minute, you are not going anywhere near Jac in this state' Mo bared his way on the top of the stairs. 'Who was it and exactly what happened?'

'Connie Beauchamp' Jonny sat himself down on the top step, too frightened of accidently hurting Mo to try to push past her. He felt Mo rubbing his back as she herself next to him 'she came into the on call room we got chatting and she was being so nice and all so concerned for Jac and the then next thing I knew she was all over me.'

'Are you sure?' Mo asked a little uncertainly. 'Are you sure she wasn't just being friendly and you misinterpreted it in your distress?'

'Mo she kissed me and put her hand on places her hand really shouldn't have been if she was just being friendly' Jonny answered her irritably. 'She saw I was upset and vulnerable and thought she could get me to cheat on my wife.' Jonny shook his head 'this has to be some sort of power play against Jac right? Sleep with her husband and then rub her face in it when the time is right?'

'Possibly' Mo shrugged 'but nothing happened though right?'

'Of course not what do you take me for?!' Jonny snapped angrily 'for god's sake I'm in love with Jac, so much so I'm almost sick with it.'

'Calm down Jonny!' Mo snapped back. 'I only meant so she has nothing to taunt Jac with!'

They sat in silence for a few minutes the pair of them letting their anger ebb a little. 'To tell the truth it was a little bit scary' Jonny broke into the peace 'I tried to nicely say no but she just kept going. I actually wondered if I was going to get out of there alive' he joked.

'What you? The man who is married to the scariest woman on the planet?' Mo laughed.

'Oh believe me when it came to Jac I did all the chasing, she was playing hard to get' Jonny laughed 'and in the bedroom feisty Ms Naylor disappears into this…'

'WHOA!' Mo shouted jokingly clamping her hands over her ears 'things I do not need to be hearing!'

'I just meant what Jac and I have is beautiful, you know?' Jonny shrugged embarrassedly. 'Something a little bit special that couldn't ever be replaced.'

'That's kinda cute' Mo nudged him with her shoulder teasingly. 'So you sure it's a good idea to tell her?'

'I have to tell her.' Jonny spoke seriously now 'what if Connie tells her own version of events before I do? The thought of me cheating on her would break her heart beyond all repair. I'm not willing to risk that.'

'But she's so ill Jonny' Mo tried to convince her friend otherwise, feeling this was going to do more harm than good.

'What choice do I have Mo?' Jonny looked at his friend sadly. 'That's why I'm so angry, Connie must have known I'd have to tell Jac, whether she's mentally stable or not.'

* * *

Jonny stood in the doorway of Jac's side room on AAU watching her sleeping. He was cross they had left her on her own; what if she'd woken up during a nightmare, panicked and distressed? He wondered into the room and picked up her chart feeling slightly mollified all her obs had all been done at the right times and correctly. He was relieved to see her temperature had dropped slightly, a sign the antibiotics were working. He walked around the bed and stood at her side gently placing his hand on her forehead to feel for himself the skin was now much cooler to touch.

'Jonny?' Jac mumbled, still half asleep.

'Shh, its ok beautiful, I'm here go back to sleep' he lightly smoothed her hair for her, feeling a jolt of disappointment when she jerked her head to the side, away from his hand.

'Please don't' she spoke softly fully awake now.

'Can I hold your hand instead then?' he sighed, trying not to be angry with her, to understand instead.

'I'm sorry' she whispered holding out her hand to him.

'Its ok' he forced himself smile reassuringly at her, feeling guilty he'd shown her his frustration.

'I do love you' she spoke with desperation clear in her voice as he took hold of her hand.

'I know, I know you do' Jonny answered her quickly, his guilt intensifying. 'You know how much I love you too right?' He watched as she nodded. 'Sweetheart something just happened that I need to tell you about, but I promise you nothing actually happened, I put a stop to it...'

'Jonny you're dithering' Jac interrupted him tiredly.

'Ok, sorry. I'll get to the point.' he squeezed her hand tightly in readiness for the bombshell he was about to drop. 'Connie just made a move on me.'

There was a moments silence before Jac asked 'Are you sure?'

'Of course I'm sure' Jonny huffed 'we were just talking and the next thing I know the mad woman had pounced and was all over me, trying to seduce me.'

'You poor thing, that must have been awful.' Despite how unwell she was feeling Jac suddenly found humour in this situation and the wretched look on Jonny's face was only adding to her amusement.

'It really was' Jonny confirmed for her with a serious nod. 'I tried to let her down gently but when that didn't work I had to be quite abrupt with her.' Jonny looked at Jac's face carefully assessing how she was taking this news and was shocked to see her trying not to smile. 'Are you finding this funny?!' he exclaimed with annoyance.

'Sorry, but it is a little bit' Jac smiled openly now.

'Do you have any idea how stressed and worried I was on the way down here to tell you?!'

'I'm sorry' Jac tried to be sensible. 'You were right to tell me' she squeezed his hand lightly.

'No secrets remember?' Jonny smiled with relief squeezing her hand in return 'and I didn't want you to hear it from Connie first, no doubt it would have been embroidered version of events.'

'Undoubtedly' Jac agreed with him. 'Although she would have bided her time, selecting the right moment to gain power over me.'

'That's what I said to Mo' Jonny nodded.

'Have you told anyone else?'

'No' Jonny shook his head. 'To be honest I'm a little bit embarrassed.'

'Well then let's just keep it between us' Jac closed her eyes.

'Let me guess, you're curious to know what she'll do next?' Jonny smiled, knowing Jac would enjoy a little bit of game playing.

'If she thinks I don't know…' she let her voice trial off tiredly.

'I'll let you sleep' Jonny spoke softly to her 'I'll come back later.'

'No!' she griped his hand firmly. 'Don't go, stay with me.'

'Ok' Jonny pulled a chair closer to the bed with his free hand and sat himself down on it. 'I'm not going anywhere.' He resisted the urge to smooth her hair for her and instead settled for holding her hand with both of his.

'Where you temped? Even just a little bit?' Jac's quiet voice broke through the silence that had engulfed the couple.

'No' Jonny supressed a laugh at Jac's suddenly vulnerability. 'She wasn't you, no other woman could compare to you.' He waited a minute for Jac to respond before filling in the heavy silence 'to be honest she was a little too desperate to be even remotely attractive.'

'But I…I mean we haven't…I can't…' Jac struggled to put her insecurity at the lack of physical contact in their marriage into words as a tear rolled down her cheek.

'It doesn't matter' Jonny spoke quickly. 'All I care about is that I love you and you love me, the rest of it we'll get back in time.' He kissed her hand feeling reassured by the way she didn't freeze or pull away from him.

She opened her eyes to look at her husband 'What if…'

'No, no what if' Jonny squeezed her hand. 'You will get better, we will work through this, you won't always feel the way you do right now and until then I'll wait, you know I'll wait until whenever you're ready.'

'I want you to understand' she spoke desperately once more. 'It's not because I don't love you.'

'I know' he kissed her hand again 'I do understand. Finding out Granddad George knew, it must have brought it all right back to you huh?' he watched as she nodded. 'I just wish you'd talk to me, let me comfort you' he smiled sadly at her.

'Over the last couple of days I've been reliving it' she spoke faintly knowing she owed Jonny an explanation for her recent behaviour. 'All of it; the pain, the smells, the weight of him pinning me down' she closed her eyes. 'I keep on hearing his voice whisper in my ear 'you ginger little whore, isn't this what you wanted?' over and over again' she freely let the tears fall down her cheeks. 'I can't get away from it, I feel so soiled by it, so ashamed.'

'I'm not ashamed of you' Jonny spoke softly 'I'm so proud of you, my strong beautiful wife. I cannot see you as anything other than perfect.'

'I should have fought a bit harder.' She was sobbing now 'I let him do that to me.'

'No you didn't' Jonny took a chance and gently wiped her tears away for her, surprised when she allowed it. 'You didn't let him, you were a child and he was a grown man who overpowered you and abused you.' He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her forehead and this time she didn't jerk away from him or tell him stop. 'It wasn't your fault Jac and you will win against this again, I promise you will.'

'I hate the fact Granddad knew' she sobbed.

'I know, sweetheart.' Jonny murmured against her hair, kissing her forehead repeatedly. 'I know.'

'I never wanted him to think of me like that.'

'He loved you Jac, he wanted justice for you.'

'I hate it, that he had to know' she clung to him now, her body racking with force of her sobs. Jonny responded to her slipping his arms under hers, supporting her torso as she sobbed uncontrollably against his chest. He looked up as Mary-Claire walked into the room with the intention of doing Jac's obs. He wordlessly shook his head with the sternest look he could muster at the nurse. As the understanding passed between them Mary-Claire simply nodded her head and walked out back out of the room wondering if was the sort of development Michael Spence had wanted to be kept informed of.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for reading. Hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Please take a moment to leave a review; your suggestions and opinions really do help me to improve my writing :-)**

Michael Spence stood in the doorway of the side room on AAU watching the way Jonny Naylor-Maconie was watching over his wife whilst she slept. Michael studied Jonny carefully, taking in his worried posture and the way he gazed down at Jac with what could be described as devoted adoration. Michael coughed lightly to get the man's attention and then motioned for him to join him out in the corridor.

'Is everything ok?' Michael asked with concern. 'Mary-Claire said Jac was showing signs of being distressed earlier.'

'Maybe Mary-Claire ought to mind her own business' Jonny crossed his arms defensively.

'She was only doing her job Jonny, I asked to keep me informed of any changes' Michael frowned at Jonny, unsure about his sudden resistance to their help.

'Gossiping more like' Jonny shook his head. 'You know she tells any new nurses to be weary of Jac Naylor because she is crazy?'

'Well this time she wasn't gossiping' Michael spoke sternly 'and to which members of staff has she been telling this to?'

'The two new nurses on Darwin' Jonny spoke angrily 'they obviously didn't realise Jac was my wife because when Mr Self and I introduced ourselves to them and had a little chat they seemed a bit concerned the efficacious Ms Naylor was still being allowed to treat patients despite her state of mental health.'

'Oh' Michael's face ill hid the amusement he found in this.

'It's not funny Michael' Jonny snapped.

'Believe me Naylor would find that funny, probably get a kick from it.' Michael mused.

'I didn't find it funny seeing as they knew about Amelia, Jasmine, Jac's mother and the whole kidney debacle' Jonny spoke angrily. 'If she was just joshing the new members of staff to be weary of Jac then fine, even I could see the funny side. But she was using highly embroiled tales that Jac seriously wouldn't want the whole hospital to be gossiping about.' He glared at Michael 'I don't want her nursing Jac.'

'Fine' Michael held up his hands in surrender. 'It won't be problem for much longer anyway; I've found space for Jac on Keller.'

'No' Jonny shook his head firmly 'you want to put her on the same ward her sister died on? I don't think so.'

'She can't stay on AAU' Michael huffed.

Jonny thought through the available options before coming up with the obvious answer 'Holby Care, transfer her up to the private suite. I'll pay, I don't care how much it costs'.

'No' Michael spoke firmly 'she'll get better more specialised care on Keller.'

'She held her sister in her arms as she died on that ward' Jonny spoke through gritted teeth, trying not let his anger boil over. 'Now you will do as I say, she's my wife and has no relation to you other than being your patient!' He turned on his heal and walked back into the side room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

'Well that looked a little heated' Guy Self spoke quietly as he approached a slightly stunned Michael Spence.

'Who the hell does he think he is?' Michael spoke in a low tone watching through the glass pane in the door as Jonny sat himself down next Jac, taking hold of her hand once more. 'I know Jac better than almost anyone and yet he's withholding information from us.'

'Today Jonny Maconie is the husband of a very sick patient.' Guy looked sympathetically at the couple in the side room. 'Transfer Ms Naylor up to Holby Care Michael at no charge. We'll figure out a way to manage her care from there. She's a valuable member of staff after all; I'll have no trouble clearing this with the board.' He considered Michael's stubbornness for a moment before adding 'if Jonny is hiding something about Jac from us we won't get it out of him by going against every one of his wishes. If he wants Jac out of the way of prying nurses and somewhere peaceful we'll damn well give it to him.' Guy turned to walk away before offering his main reason for giving the Naylor-Maconie's free private health care. 'At the moment that man is freefalling through something neither he nor his wife have any control over. Listen to him as the husband; give him that one bit of control at least.'

* * *

'So Ms Naylor how would you like an all-expenses paid stay on Holby Care?' Guy Self cheerfully greeted her as he entered the side room an hour later having made all the necessary arrangements.

'I'd much rather go home' Jac answered him bluntly without even bothering to open her eyes.

'She means thank you very much that sounds lovely' Jonny rolled his eyes as he accepted for his wife.

'Not at all' Guy grinned at Jonny as he played along, pleased to see Jac wasn't behaving as differently to her normal self as reports had led him to believe. 'Anything for my top CT surgeon.'

'If you've come in here to schmoose just because you're worried about a delay in the launch of Hertzig six you can get out again' Jac rolled onto her side with the intention of falling back to sleep.

'Actually just the opposite, I've come to offer you some leave.' Guy causally flipped through the chart at the end of her bed.

'Huh?!' Jac opened her eyes and sat up a little in surprise. 'Who are you and what have you done with Mr Guy Self?' She glared menacingly at him 'and my notes are confidential.'

Guy dropped the file back into the holder at the end of the bed 'so anyway back on topic' he coughed embarrassedly 'I think you've been over doing things what with your grandfather passing and I'm sorry I should I offered you some compassionate leave at the time'

'You sent a card' Jac shrugged 'that was nice at least.'

'Did I?' Guy looked up in surprise 'I really ought to give that PA of mine a raise.'

'Get out Guy' Jac slumped herself back against the pillows.

'So how does a month off sound?' He watched her carefully as he could see her weighing up her options. 'Too little, too much?'

'Why?' she looked at him questioningly.

'Look I need you to be match fit when the Hertzig six does launch. I can't have you paraded in front of the worlds best and the media looking sick and over worked.'

'You're making it sound like you're showing your pedigree bitch at Cruffs' Jonny spoke in an undertone, offering Guy this tip seeing his wife was getting increasingly angry.

'Anyway, I just thought no annoying patients and a bit of time at home with…' Guy searched around in his head for the name of Jac's niece '…Eva?' he tried hopefully.

'Close; its Ava' Jonny smirked at Guys discomfort.

'I knew there was a reason I promoted your husband' Guy smiled apologetically at Jac 'great at remembering details, excellent people skills.' he decided not to be perturbed by Jac's glare. 'Anyhow, so how about it no annoying patients, no blood and guts and absolutely no stresses for a whole month?'

'I can still have lab time?' Jac questioned curiously, knowing she was getting off lightly. Most CEO'S when presented with a sick, unweight malnourished consultant would have involved occupational health meaning assessments on her state of mind and capability.

'Absolutely' Guy nodded 'as much or as little of it as you need.'

'Ok then' Jac nodded 'but only a month.'

'See how it goes' Guy smiled kindly 'I don't want to see you back until you are fit and well.'

'You'll be lucky to keep her out of theatre for longer than a month' Jonny joked his face even more relaxed now he knew Jac was being moved to his ward of choice and she was under no pressure to get well quickly.

'Jonny why don't you come with me to the nurses station, there's a few bits of paperwork I need you to sign.' Guy smiled warmly before he exited the room waiting outside for Jonny as the male nurse reassured Jac he would be back soon.

'So I see Team Naylor have gotten to you' Jonny spoke bluntly as he closed the door to the side room.

'You know about that?' Guy asked with surprise as they made their way not to the nurses station but instead to the office.

'Oh yes, I know all about Team Naylor' Jonny spoke bitterly. 'You did well in there, she wouldn't have suspected a thing, but if she ever finds out you know…' Jonny let his voice trial off menacingly.

'Jonny' Guy placed his hand on his shoulder in a fatherly fashion 'I'm not the enemy here, I'm just trying to do what's best.' Jonny nodded his head to show he understood. 'Right then' Guy paused in front of the office door 'Ric and Michael are in there and they think you're hiding something from them, something which might be relevant to Jac's condition. I've done you a favour getting Jac a free bed on Holby care so now you can return it by telling them what you know.' Guy opened the door a motioned for Jonny to step through it.

Jonny waited for Guy to leave before he spoke crossly 'Why can't you lot just let things be with Jac?' He slumped himself down into a chair. 'You're obsessed with her.'

'Well yeah' Michael spoke defiantly, sitting with his feet up on his desk 'when it comes to Naylor's well-being I am a little more than obsessed, as you put it. That woman is like family to me.'

'Where's Sacha?' Jonny spoke angrily 'doesn't he want to hear the juicy details about what Jac was crying about this afternoon?'

'He's in theatre, he doesn't even know Naylor was in a highly distressed state because believe me if he did he would have been right in there offering comfort regardless of whether or not the pair of needed space' Michael glared at Jonny.

'Jonny we're not out to undermine you in anyway' Ric spoke reasonably searching in Serena's desk draw for the bottle of whisky she kept in there for emergencies. 'We understand you're the one she confides in the most. I think she trusts you even more than she does Sacha.' Ric poured a glass of the amber liquid and offered it out to Jonny. He smiled kindly as Jonny took it 'the thing is we need to know what we are dealing with here and you have our full promise we won't shut you out if you don't shut us out. We all want the same thing; to help Jac.'

Jonny took a sip of the drink, finding the burning sensation in the back of his throat comforting, helping his anger to ebb. 'It's the rape, she's been reliving it ever since she found out George knew about it.'

'I thought as much' Ric nodded his head.

'When you say reliving it are we talking just hazy flashes or vivid memories?' Michael asked deep concern evident in his voice.

'We are talking full Technicolor glory reliving of the entire thing' Jonny swallowed down the last of the liquid. 'She said she feels soiled and ashamed.'

'I tried to tell her it didn't change the way George felt about her' Ric shook his head sadly 'the evidence of that is in the way he never treated her any differently once he knew.'

'He treated as though she were precious' Jonny put the empty glass down on the end of Serena's desk. 'As though she were worth something, the little girl only he was proud off.' Jonny stood up to leave the room. 'You see how easily that has all been taken away?'

'I'm sorry Jonny' Ric's voice was full of remorse.

'Thanks for the drink' Jonny walked over to the door. 'Don't you dare try discussing this with Jac, I don't want her knowing this conversation took place.'

'I wouldn't even know how to start a discussion with her about this' Michael shook his head 'as far as I knew she'd never discussed it with anyone.'

'Yeah well she discussed it with me, I had to sit and listen whilst the love of my life recalled every detail of what that piece of _filth_ did to her' Jonny hand was shaking with supressed anger as he rested it on the door handle. 'You have no idea how much on some days I wish she hadn't, that she'd chosen to tell one of you instead.' Jonny paused trying to contain his emotion, he swallowed hard before continuing. 'But she trusted me because I made her feel loved and protected. What right have I got to wish I hadn't heard it when she has to endure those memories day in, day out?' he pulled open the door.

'Jonny wait, sit down' Ric spoke worriedly 'have another drink.'

'No' Jonny shook his head 'I need to get back to my wife, try to work out a way to comfort her through this.' He turned to look at Michael 'thanks for everything you've done for Ava the last couple of day's but I think she should come home now. She needs to be with her real family.'


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for reading. Please take a moment tell me your thoughts and opinions in a review :-)**

Jonny had returned home to shower, change and pick up a few things for Jac. He straightened up the house and gave Apollo some much needed attention. In their haste to leave that morning Jonny had forgotten all about the poor Labrador and had returned home to find the dog whimpering in the kitchen desperate to be let out into the garden so he could relieve himself.

'Well old boy you'll have to come to the hospital with me until I find someone to take you in for a few days.' He petted the dog gaining comfort from the softness of the animal's coat. 'You know that means you'll have to be on your best behaviour and be stealth like so we can sneak you into my office with no one seeing you.' Jonny laughed as the dog barked his agreement. 'Ok then let's go' Jonny stood up and fetched Apollo's favourite chew toy. He hesitated by the kitchen counter where two boxes lay, one containing the things Jac had brought home from George's house and the other containing the item's George had bequeathed her in his will. The latter had remained unopened with the letters written to Jac and Jonny still sealed resting on the top. Jonny picked up the box consulting Apollo in the process 'it can't hurt cant it?'

The dog gave a soft bark as if to say 'it couldn't make things any worse'.

'You're right' Jonny agreed with him having had far too many conversations like this with the dog to find it remotely strange he was asking the advice of the family pet. 'Come on then boy' Jonny patted the side of his leg to indicate to the dog he was follow him out to the car. He opened the boot and the dog jumped in settling down on the old blanket. 'Good boy' Jonny patted the dog before closing the door on him. He put the box on the passenger seat next to the small holdall containing Jac's belongings before settling himself in the drivers seat. He sat there for a moment considering all the times he had driven to the hospital under many different circumstances. That place held so many memories for them and Jonny found himself focussing on all the bad. Maybe it was time they considered moving on, making a fresh start somewhere new. Any hospital CEO would sell their own grandmother to have a surgeon like Jac on their books. Perhaps somewhere remote, idyllic and peaceful. A place where Jac could really heal. He turned the key in the ignition with new determination; all he had to do was persuade Jac.

* * *

'Oh Ms Naylor you're awake!'

Jac slowly opened her eyes again this time keeping them open long enough to focus on the beaming face of Chantelle Digby nee Lane. 'Oh good lord' Jac muttered.

'Mr Spence said I've been reassigned up here to Holby Care to be your nurse' the blond nurse continued to beam 'isn't that great!'

'Sure' Jac responded resignedly 'if you call collapsing in a heap at home and then being admitted in here great then the rest of it must be exceptional.'

'You know I never did get your sense of humour' Chantelle chuckled to herself as she filled the last of Jac's obs on her chart. 'You have visitors waiting outside if you're up to it.'

'Who?' Jac resisted the urge to fall back to sleep.

'Mr and Mrs Griffin' Chantelle informed Jac as she slipped the file into the holder at the end of the bed. 'You know I didn't know he was married but his wife is just lovely, keeps talking about her grandmother but…'

'Chantelle' Jac interrupted the nurse weakly 'they're not married any more they've been divorced for years.'

'Really?' Chantelle looked a little relieved 'that's good because I think Mrs Griffin does irritate Mr Griffin terribly; they've only been here half an hour and they've already had three arguments.'

Jac laughed in spite of herself 'yes well Mr Griffin is the universal illustration of the irritable grumpy old man.'

'Do you think so? I've always found him to be rather patient and forgiving' Chantelle shrugged. 'So shall I show them in?'

'No' Jac spoke firmly.

'Are you sure? Mrs Griffin seemed rather keen to see you' Chantelle jollily tried persuasion tactics despite having heard about Ms Naylor's commands to have Ric Griffin kept away from her on AAU.

'I'm sure' Jac closed her eyes again. 'Chantelle?'

'Yes?' the nurse spoke softly, pausing with her hand on the door handle.

'My locket, I gave it to Ms Campbell.'

'I'll fetch it for you' Chantelle reassured the red haired surgeon knowing the locket contained a lock of Amelia's hair having enquired with Jonny after often seeing Jac tucking the necklace under her scrubs.

'I'm not sure what happened to my rings' Jac mumbled sleepily.

'I'll find out for you' Chantelle spoke quietly waiting a moment to ensure Jac had slipped back into sleep. She exited the room to find Mr Griffin waiting expectantly outside the room.

'Sorry' Chantelle looked sympathetically at the man 'she was awake but she's gone back to sleep.'

'That's ok' Ric sighed. 'We'll wait until she wakes up again.'

'If I can be honest with you I don't think she's keen to see you' Chantelle smiled kindly 'perhaps it might be better to try again tomorrow?'

'No' Ric shook his head firmly. 'She has to see us. We'll wait.'

'Come on Eric' Lola Griffin placed a kind hand on his arm, understanding his feeling of guilt. 'As Grandma used to say a watched pot will never boil. Let's try again tomorrow.'

* * *

Jonny wiped away the tears that had formed is his eyes with the back of his hand before reading the start of George's letter once more.

'Dear Jonny

I hope you are not offended I did not officially bequeath you anything in my will. The fact is you already have in your possession my most precious entity; my darling Jac. She means more to me than words can express. On your wedding day I gladly gave her hand to you simply because you love her, without doubt or question, just as she is.

Don't get me wrong I know my Jac is not easiest of creatures to love. She battles against kindness and rages against compliments waiting for the harsh slap she always expects to follow. You and I both know life has not been kind to Jac and I'm guessing she has shared with you the burden she has to bare; that constant dark beast on her back. She trusts you Jonny, more than she ever has anyone else. She has trusted you enough to love you, wholeheartedly without compromise or restrictions. The pair of you are lucky to have found love where the true meaning of 'all that I am I give to you' is clear and easily followed. Such love is rare; the majority of people will go a lifetime without ever having experienced it. I guess what I'm trying to say here is simply continue to love my Granddaughter. Cherish her. Treat her as the beautiful precious jewel she is. Keep her safe and protected and, most importantly, keep her happy. She should know joy and happiness are not rare entities to be rationed in case of the next rainy day. I believe one day she will learn from you and Ava happiness is abundant in your family; it will not run out and she can luxuriate in it.

I suppose in a way I am leaving you something. Jonny Maconie, I am bequeathing you my trust to take care of my Granddaughter for me.'

Jonny put the letter down on the desk and placed his head in his hands 'Oh George' he breathed out sadly. 'I wish you could tell me how I'm going to achieve it.' Apollo walked over to his master and placed his sympathetic head on the man's knee. Felling the warm weight of the dog on his leg Jonny sniffed to compose himself for removing his hands from his face to look at his faithful companion. 'You soppy old mutt' Jonny laughed softly giving the dog a good rub behind the ears. 'Maybe I should sneak you up to see Jac, maybe that would bring back her smiles huh?' Jonny looked up as the door to his office unexpectedly swung open.

'Oh sorry' Serena smiled apologetically 'I didn't think you were in.'

'That's ok' Jonny spoke quickly, hastily shoving the dog under his desk out of sight.

'Jac was asking for her rings, I thought perhaps they might have been in here for some reason' Serena discretely pretended she hadn't noticed the dog or his chew toy that was sat in the middle of the room.

'Well you found them' Jonny held up his little finger where he had placed Jac's engagement ring and wedding ring for safe keeping that morning.

'Ah ha' Serena smiled happily 'we were starting to have a bit of panic, we've turned AAU upside down looking for those.'

'She's always leaving them lying around and I always end up wearing them to keep them safe for her' Jonny shrugged by way of explanation. 'I think I've probably worn them more than she has' he added a joke on the end hoping Serena would leave if she thought everything were fine.

'Well I have to say that princess cut diamond just loves you darling' Serena laughed 'sparkles just like your eyes.'

'The amount I paid for it I should hope so' Jonny laughed too as he remembered shopping for the perfect ring for Jac all those years ago. It was understated but the best clarity diamond he could find; only the best would ever grace the hand of his betrothed. 'Nearly made myself destitute given my salary at the time. The best bit is Jac has absolutely no idea about diamonds, I'm sure she would have been just as happy with a bit of sea glass mounted on a piece of tin.'

'But you know' Serena smiled kindly. 'You know you've brought her the best because you wanted it for her. That's the most important thing.'

'I had to show her how much I loved her' Jonny shrugged embarrassedly 'back then she had a hard time believing anyone could freely and willingly feel that way about her.'

'You know we're here for you too Jonny' Serena spoke kindly.

'I kind of had the impression you lot feel I'm part of the problem' Jonny spoke stiffly.

Serena shook her head 'I'm fairly convinced she'd die without you Jonny.' Her words hung the air for a moment before she broke the silence. 'I'll leave you and Apollo to it, I'm sure you have plenty you need to sort out.' She slipped out the door, closing it quietly behind her wishing she hadn't heard the sound of the man's sob before she walked away.

* * *

'Auntie Jac!' Ava's voice was terrified as she ran into the private hospital room closely followed by a chastising Michael Spence.

'Ava I asked you to wait' he spoke crossly setting Ava's overnight bag on the floor 'Auntie Jac might not have been decent for visitors.'

'Michael its ok' Jac spoke softly as she embraced her niece. 'It's alright Pumpkin' she whispered into Ava's ear, kissing the top of the child's head before releasing her.

'Why didn't you tell me you were sick?' Ava sniffed as she wiped away her tears with the back of hand.

'I didn't know I was sick until this morning' Jac forced a reassuring smile 'but I'm fine it's nothing serious.'

'Michael said it's your kidney, what if…'

'Ava I'm fine' Jac spoke firmly now. 'I need to stay in here for a few days so the antibiotics can make me better and then things can go back to normal.'

'Do those hurt?' Ava winced as she indicated to the cannula's inserted into Jac's left arm.

'Not now they're in' Jac shook her head.

'Why isn't the one in your hand connected to anything?' Ava asked curiously.

'It's IV access Jac explained 'in case they need to get drugs into me quickly.'

'Why would they need to get drugs into you quickly, I thought you said it wasn't serious?' Ava frowned.

'Ava I'm not going to die from a kidney infection' Jac sighed exasperatedly as Nurse Digby entered the room.

'Hello Ava' she beamed as she started to take Jac's obs. 'What's with the glum face?'

'On a scale of one to ten how sick is Auntie Jac?' Ava crossed her arms as she spoke determinedly.

'Do not answer that question!' Michael jumped in as Jac closed her eyes and groaned with frustration.

'Why not?!' Ava demanded 'I can tell when you lot are hiding things from me' her eyes flashed dangerously 'I'm not a baby anymore.'

'Ava' Jac's wary voice spoke in warning.

'You know what Ava, I think I spotted some hot chocolate in the staff room earlier' Chantelle offered a distraction 'why don't you and I go and make some…'

'NO!' Ava shouted interrupting Chantelle, stamping her foot bad temperedly. 'I'm staying here until someone tells me what's been going on!'

'Pumpkin' Jac spoke softly as she reached out to touch the young girl lightly on the arm. She felt enormously guilty her ill health was causing Ava this much distress. 'I promise you if there was something to worry about we would have told you.'

'Why have you been losing weight?' Ava asked bluntly.

'Go with Chantelle' Michael spoke firmly 'you're exhausting your aunt.'

'Well?' Ava ignored her godfather and continued to glare sternly at Jac 'you've be getting thinner and thinner since Granddad died. Are you sick?'

'No' Jac shook her head wondering how on earth she could possibly explain this to a child when her own husband couldn't even understand it.

'I wouldn't have this petulance from my own kids and I most certainly will not take it from you!' Michael spoke sternly to Ava looking the most like a father Jac had ever seen him. 'Do as you are told and go with Nurse Digby.' He held his hand out to Chantelle for the thermometer she was holding 'I'll finish those obs.' Chantelle simply nodded as she obeyed his commands wondering what on earth she was going to with this sullen version of Ava.

Jac flinched as Michael tucked her hair behind her ear so he could insert the device to take the reading. 'Sorry' he muttered softly, forgetting he should have warned her before touching her. He completed the task in silence hoping to alleviate Jac's distress by completing it as quickly as possible.

'Don't be angry at Ava' Jac broke into the silence 'she's frightened, that's all.'

'She's also slightly peed off that she can't stay with me anymore' Michael muttered as he filled in Jac's chart.

'Why not?' Jac's brow furrowed with confusion. 'Jonny said you'd offered to have her for as long as needed.'

'Yeah well it seems Maconie's changed his mind about my capabilities to look after your child' Michael grumbled. 'Apparently Ava should be with her _real_ family.'

'What did you do to upset him?' Jac glowered at Michael.

'Nothing!' Michael glowered back. 'If you ask me he's cracked up, doesn't know what he is doing.'

'I suppose that's my fault' Jac snapped.

'I didn't say that' Michael sighed as he walked over to the seat next to Jac's bed and sat himself down in it.

'You don't have to' Jac continued to glower 'it's what everyone is thinking; Jac Naylor's gone loopy again, made herself ill.'

'That is not what people are saying' Michael sighed.

'It isn't fair on him is it?' Jac asked Michael quietly.

'It isn't fair on either of you.' Michael answered her softly.

'How do I fix this?' she held out her hand to him.

'I don't know' Michael shrugged, taking hold of her hand 'but please just let us help you and for God's sake don't give up' he squeezed her hand lightly 'that little girl needs you.'

'Do you think Jonny realises technically I'm the only real family Ava has left?' Jac spoke thickly willing herself not to cry 'and just look at what I'm doing to her.'

* * *

'Jac' Elliot Hope gently shook the red head's shoulder to wake from her doze. 'I have your locket for you' he smiled at her as she opened her eyes. 'I had to give it a bit of clean and polish, you know on account of the vomit.'

'Was I sick?' Jac asked with mild surprise as she sat forward slightly to allow the Professor to fasten the chain around her neck for her.

'Yes on your arrival here.' Elliot finished the task for her, watching her closely as she settled herself back down against the pillows. 'Don't you remember?'

'Not really, this morning is a bit hazy' Jac's fingers grasped around the gold locket, holding onto it tightly. 'I suppose that would be the reason why Jonny was wondering around in scrubs?'

'Yes' Elliot chuckled. 'You narrowly avoid decorating the inside of Michael's car as well.'

'Shame' Jac smiled naughtily. 'Has anyone found my rings yet? Jonny will go mad if he finds out I've lost them again.'

'Ah well it turns out your husband is wearing them so I'm afraid your cover is already blown on that front.' Elliot spoke as he fussed with straitening Jac's blankets.

'Elliot why did you want Connie to come back to Darwin?' Jac asked curiously.

'Why are you worrying about that for now?' Elliot tried to avoid answering the question.

'You're not thinking about retirement are you?' Jac voiced her suspicions.

'Jac I'm sixty seven' Elliot sighed 'you must have known I can't go on forever.'

'Sixty Seven is nothing these days' Jac responded sulkily.

'I've not decided anything yet' Elliot sighed again. 'When I do decide I promise you'll be the first to know.'

'I'm not sure I can do this job without you' Jac looked at him pleadingly.

'You'd have Connie, you'll be fine' Elliot respond flippantly. 'Besides when was the last time you actually needed my advice anyway? It must have been at least ten years since you last asked me for a second opinion.' He watched as Jac shrugged her shoulders non-committedly. 'Has something happened between yourself and Connie?'

'Not between Connie and I no' Jac spoke quietly not looking Elliot in the eye. 'She has however made a play for my husband.'

'Right… well…' Elliot stuttered unsure of what to say. 'I'm sorry Jac, I didn't know she would do that.'

'It's not your fault Elliot' Jac spoke sleepily.

'No no don't go to sleep' Elliot shook her shoulder 'I promised Chantelle I'd do your ob's as an exchange for her letting me see you.' He watched as Jac opened her eyes again. 'Do you want me to tell Connie it's not working out, she'll need find another position?' He asked her as a collected her file from the end of the bed

'No' Jac shook her head. 'I think she ended up feeling pretty silly from what Jonny has told me. Probably best to just leave it be.'

'Well that's very mature of you' Elliot spoke as he pretended to be concentrating on filling out the details of her obs when he was secretly reading her notes.

'If you wanted to know something you could always just ask me' Jac spoke quietly realising what Elliot was up to.

'Would you tell me the truth?' Elliot smiled at her guiltily as he placed the file back in its holder

'Possibly not' Jac shrugged.

'Get some rest Jac' Elliot smiled kindly 'you need to get well for a certain young red head who's currently organising my desk for me.'

'You can send her back here if she'd being a nuisance' Jac chuckled as she closed her eyes once more.

'No she's alright, it's nice to have her in the office' Elliot spoke softly. 'She actually reminds me of you.'

'Elliot?'

'Yes.'

'Can you stay until I fall to sleep?'

'Absolutely' Elliot smiled as he sat himself down in a seat.

'You know I always wished that if I'd had a Dad he'd have been like you.'

'Well thank you' Eliot coughed embarrassedly 'even with all the drugs you're on that is quite a compliment.'

'I mean it you know, I'm not completely out of it.' Jac spoke sleepily.

'I know.'

'I just might not remember I've said it in a couple of hours' time.'

* * *

Jonny made his way up to Jac's hospital room having spent the last couple of hours composing himself and making arrangements with Elliot to look after Apollo whilst Jac was in hospital. He paused at the entrance to the room watching his wife and child snuggled up on the bed together watching a film on a tablet.

'Alright Jonny Mac?' Mo's voice cheerfully spoke behind him.

'What are you doing up here?' Jonny greeted his friend with a smile 'normally after a shift you're off out of the door like a shot to look after your family.'

'I am taking care of my family' Mo hugged him quickly 'I've come to pick up Ava; one more in the Levy-Effanga household again tonight.'

'But I thought…' Jonny started to speak before Jac interrupted him.

'Jonny Ava is not staying here tonight, she needs a proper sleep and a proper routine' Jac glared at him. 'Michael clearly wasn't good enough for you so I called Mo.'

'Fairy godmother to the rescue' Mo spoke cheerfully hoping the pair weren't about to cause a scene in front of Ava. 'You ready to go?' Mo asked the young girl as she picked up the child's bag.

'Why can't I stay with you?' Ava whined wrapping her arms more tightly around her aunt.

'Because you need to sleep and you won't get that here' Jac squeezed Ava tightly. 'Not with the nurses coming in and out every half an hour.'

'Come on Ava, I'll let you choose what we have for dinner' Mo offered kindly realising Chantelle hadn't been wrong about Ava's distress and clinginess towards Jac.

'Well there's an offer you can't refuse wee miss' Jonny joined in on the cheerful persuasion tactics realising he was clearly already in trouble with Jac.

'You promise to call me if things get any worse?' Ava spoke as she reluctantly jumped down off the bed.

'Absolutely' Jonny nodded.

'I'll bring you straight back in tomorrow morning too' Mo spoke watching as Ava clung onto Jac's hand.

'Everything will be fine Pumpkin, you'll see' Jac smiled reassuringly at her niece, feeling relief when the young girl finally let go of her hand to say goodbye to her uncle.

'I'll take good care of her, I promise' Mo smiled kindly at Jac. 'Just get better yeah?'

Jac nodded and watched as Mo walked with her niece out of the room leaving her alone with her husband.

'I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight' Jonny jumped in with an apology right away.

'Clearly' Jac glowered.

'It's just Michael has been so pushy just lately…'

'It's a bit much' Jac finished off for him.

'Yeah' Jonny smiled guiltily.

'He's good with Ava though' Jac smiled softly 'we needed his help there.'

'He spoils her rotten' Jonny sighed as he sat down the chair.

'Agreed' Jac nodded 'Sacha and Mo offer her a much more grounded routine. But Michael's heart is in the right place, he loves her as family.'

'I know.' Jonny thought for moment 'don't you ever wish they'd just give us a little bit of space to get on with things ourselves?'

'Sometimes' Jac agreed. 'They drive me mad but in times of crisis I don't know how we coped without them.' Jac moved herself over to the edge of the bed and placed her hand in the empty space she had created. 'You can get up here if you want to' she offered her husband shyly.

'You sure?' Jonny tried not to sound too eager.

Jac nodded 'I need you to hold me.

Jonny obliged to her wishes carefully laying himself on the bed beside her and putting his arm around her. 'How's that?' he asked her tentatively.

Jac moved her head and placed it on Jonny's chest so she could hear the reliable beating of his heart. 'Better' she spoke softly as she closed her eyes.

'Do you ever think about moving away from here?' Jonny asked her quietly 'making a fresh start somewhere new.'

'I used to' Jac answered him honestly 'but then I met you and suddenly it became home.' She opened her eyes and looked up at her husband 'why?'

'Just been thinking that's all' Jonny shrugged 'a lot has happened here, perhaps we should consider moving on, somewhere tranquil you know? Fresh air and greenery would be better for Ava' he looked deep into Jac's eyes 'as long as we're together we could make anywhere home.'

'You really want to move on?' she gave him a considered look.

'Only if you want too' he spoke quickly 'I know it's more of an ask for you than for me career wise.'

'Jonny it's not just my career…' Jac started to speak softly, realising he hadn't thought about all they would be leaving behind if they moved.

'Just think about it, please' Jonny begged her with his eyes. 'I just want you to get better and I think a fresh start could help that, so please just say you'll think about it'

'Ok' Jac sighed 'I'll think about it' she lay her head back down on her husband's chest. 'You know I can't resist those puppy dog eyes of yours' she grumbled good naturedly.

'A serious think though Jac' Jonny spoke determinedly.

'I'll consider it from every angle so long as you promise to do the same thing' Jac spoke tiredly.

'Sure' Jonny tentatively place his hand on her back, affectionately stroking if for her when she didn't flinch at his touch. 'So how are you feeling?'

'Exhausted' Jac mumbled sleepily. Jonny stopped rubbing her back, not wanting to stop her from sleeping. 'Carry on Maconie' she commanded drowsily 'that was bordering on nice.'

Jonny grinned to himself as he started to slowly massage her back for her again. 'I love you Naylor' he whispered to her 'you one kidney'd freak.'

'I'm not asleep yet Maconie' Jac grinned in spite of herself.

'I know' Jonny smirked.

'I'll never know why I fell in love with you' Jac sighed.

'Just go to sleep woman' Jonny smiled allowing the relief to wash over him that his wife appeared to be slowly returning to him once more.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for reading and an even bigger thank you to all those who have left reviews :-) Please feel free to leave a review to let me know you thoughts :-)**

Jac Naylor awoke early after a restless night in her hospital bed. She was starting to feel a little better as a result of the antibiotics but she knew she'd have a fight on her hands to get herself discharged anytime soon. She looked across to husband who was sleeping awkwardly in a chair right next to her. She felt a stab of guilt as thought about the torment she was putting him through. His reassurances had allayed her fears he would give up on her, wash his hands of the darkness that was permanently in her head. She had no doubt that he loved her, she knew its intensity was the same as the love she felt for him. He opened his eyes suddenly, jolting awake from his sleep. 'Hey' Jac spoke softly reaching out her hand to touch his cheek. 'Bad dream?'

'Yeah' Jonny took hold of her hand in his and kissed it softly 'but it wasn't real.'

'What was it about?' Jac asked him curiously.

'I'd lost you' Jonny reached out and lightly stroked Jac's hair to confirm to himself he was awake and this was real. 'But I haven't and you're still here.'

'Where else would I be?' Jac smiled 'I could only ever be where you are.'

'You're so beautiful you know that?' Jonny laughed softly, leaning forward to kiss his wife on the cheek. He was surprised when she turned her head so his kiss landed on her lips instead. He responded to her, allowing the kiss to linger. 'Wow' he laughed softly leaning his forehead on hers as their lips broke apart.

'There's something about kissing you that I've missed' Jac whispered staring deep into Jonny's blue eyes. Jonny kissed her again, soft and short but, to Jac, wonderfully sweet.

'I take it you're feeling better today then?' Jonny laughed.

'A little' Jac smiled 'maybe they'll let me go home after today.'

'Sweetheart, I don't think that's likely' Jonny informed her gently 'you might not have taken in what they were saying yesterday'

'I did' Jac smile wavered 'I've got a kidney infection, that's all. I can take antibiotics at home.'

'Jac you were severely dehydrated, you're malnourished, underweight' Jonny spoke softly but determined to not let Jac stick her head in sand like she always did regarding her own health. 'How long had you been feeling ill for? I know you'd have known you were ill a long time before you fainted.'

'I'll just discharge myself' Jac avoided eye contact with her husband. 'You can take care of me at home right?'

'Jac!' Jonny spoke abruptly to her now, holding onto both her hands tightly with his. 'I can't take care of you, not when you're like this!'

'Let me go' Jac still avoided looking at Jonny, a slight note of fear in her voice.

Jonny relaxed his grip on her hands but remained holding them 'please, you need to realise this could be serious Jac. What you're doing…' Jonny tried to find a way to voice his fears to his wife. 'I can't lose you Jac.'

'I'm fine' Jac pulled her hands out of Jonny's grasp and rolled herself over so she was on her other side facing away from him.

Jonny sighed reaching out to smooth her hair taking a little comfort from the fact she didn't tell him stop. 'You're starving yourself, you let yourself become ill' Jonny spoke quietly deciding to be direct. 'I can't work out if it's part of a plan to slowly kill yourself or…'

'Kill myself?' Jac rolled back over angrily. 'How dare you!' she glared at her husband.

'Well that's what it looks like from where I'm standing' Jonny crossly defended himself.

'So now you're trying to say I'm crazy?!' Jac scowled at him. 'I thought you understood.'

'I do and I don't' Jonny answered her honestly. 'I don't understand how you can do this to yourself and to Ava. I don't know what to say to you or how to act or what to do for the best.' Jonny's voice broke with the sound of a suppressed sob. 'I want them to tube feed you because I'm that desperate.' He paused to compose himself, taking slow deep breaths before he could continue. 'I want them to refer you to psych because whilst I can listen and comfort you I can't actually help you with all the stuff you have going on up here.' Jonny tapped the side of his head to illustrate his point.

'I'm sorry' Jac appeared to visibly shrink amongst the bed clothes as she spoke defeated. 'I'm sorry, for all of it.'

'I don't want you to be sorry ok?' Jonny took hold of one her hands in his. 'I don't want you to feel guilty or ashamed or useless' he kissed her hand. 'I want you to admit this problem is bigger than the pair of us can handle, I want you to accept help.' He watched as Jac nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. 'Don't cry' he wiped away the tear for her, smiling guilty. 'We'll make it better, somehow. I promise.'

'Jonny, I can't be referred to Psych' Jac admitted quietly 'I could lose everything I've worked for.'

'Ok so no official psychiatrist then' Jonny kissed her hand again, knowing himself this was why Serena Campbell had been so against any such referral. 'What about a counsellor like you had last time? We'll find someone outside of the hospital again, no one need ever know.'

Jac nodded her head agreeing again, anything to pacify her husband. 'Jonny, don't let Ava in here today.'

'Why?' Jonny looked at her confused 'you know she'll want to see you.'

'I can't bear to see the way she looks at me' Jac's voice broke down with a sob that caught in her throat. 'She was so worried, so afraid. I felt so guilty' she paused trying to compose herself. 'I know what I'm doing to her, I well aware of it' she tried to speak honestly to Jonny, to find a way to voice how she was feeling. 'You probably think the solution is so obvious; just choose to eat. But I can't stop it, I can't just suddenly change it. It's hard to explain.' She closed her eyes tiredly.

'Can I hold you?' Jonny spoke softly her, climbing onto the bed next to her as she moved over to make room for him. 'Its ok, you don't have to explain it if you can't' he kissed the top of head. 'I love you.'

'I don't want to die' Jac whispered as Jonny wrapped his arms around her 'but I can't go on living trapped inside my own head like this either.'


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you so much for the positive and supportive reviews! Hope you enjoy this next chapter as well. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and opinions because they genuinely do help me with my writing :-)**

Jonny had waited for Jac to fall back into a deep sleep before slipping out of the room to go for a wash and a shave. 'Och no no no no no' Jonny shook his head angrily as he spotted Michael, Ric and a generously built black woman with greying dreadlocks who could only be Lola Griffin walking towards him.

'Jonny please' Ric pleaded with him 'give us a chance to make things right.'

'You've done enough' Jonny crossed his arms determinedly. 'You know I've just had to listen to my wife tell me that she cannot bear to live stuck in the thoughts and memories that are in her own head. Do you have any idea what that was like, listening to the woman I love telling me that?' The stunned silence of the three stood in front of him only caused Jonny's anger to boil over. 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK ANY OF IT WAS GOING TO ACHIEVE?' he yelled his frustrations at them.

'Jonny, that's enough' Guy Self's calm and collected voice spoke from behind him. 'Do you think causing this scene will be helping Jac?' Guy continued to talk as he joined the group. 'Go and cool off.'

'I'm not leaving her alone with this lot' Jonny spoke through gritted teeth.

'You're not seeing Jac either, not in this state' Guy rationally tried to talk Jonny down. 'Take a break, get some food. Your wife is sleeping, make the most of this opportunity to look after yourself for ten minutes.'

'Ok' Jonny nodded knowing Guy was right, Jac would worry even more if she saw his anger. 'But I don't want any of these seeing Jac whilst I'm away.'

'Oh come on' Michael shook his head as he crossed his arms 'I'm her doctor, your being a bit ridiculous.'

'Not anymore you're not' Guy stepped in before Jonny could make another angry retort. 'Who would you rather oversaw your wife's case Jonny? Ms Campbell or Mr Levy?'

'Not Sacha' Jonny shook his head, forcing himself to keep his voice civil 'he's too close to her.'

'Serena then?' Guy watched as Jonny nodded before he walked away, his stance still angry.

'Why the hell are you pandering to him?' Michael spoke angrily as soon as Jonny was out of ear shot.

'That woman in there' Guy indicated with his hand to the door of Jac's room 'is his wife, the woman who he loves. He has no control over what is happening to her health but what I can give him is control over her care. Believe me he needs that right now.' Guy looked sternly at the group of people stood before him. 'So you will respect his wishes, you will not attempt talk to Jac.'

'Can we wait here at least?' Ric asked irritably.

'Do what you like' Guy shrugged 'I can hardly ban you from the entire hospital can I?

* * *

'No' Sacha Levy shook his head firmly having just listened to Michael's retelling of the show down with Jonny as they waited outside Jac's room. 'Jac is not suicidal, she just wouldn't be. Not when she has Ava to care for.'

'I agree' Lola Griffin nodded. 'She is a strong one, she wouldn't chose the easy option.'

'Wouldn't she?' Ric asked 'Look at what we've put her through. I don't think it's a good idea to let Ava see her, not until we can be sure what state she's actually in.'

Ric's words were cut off by a loud scream coming from inside the room. The group of four hesitated unsure of what to do.

'He didn't ban me from seeing her' Sacha spoke determinedly as another scream followed the first. He opened the door to Jac's room and ran to her side, cautiously keeping out of the way of any possible flailing limbs. 'Jac' he called her name loudly, hoping to wake her from her nightmare. 'Jac Naylor you are dreaming, you need to wake yourself up!' he instructed her firmly, hoping her dream-self would be listening to him.

'What are you doing Levy?' Michael rolled his eyes as he decided to enter the room, prompted to break Guy's and Jonny's rules by another guttural yell from the distressed form of his friend. 'Hey Naylor' he shook her shoulder firmly 'wake up'. Jac gave a gasp, rasping for air as her eyes finally opened, having been forced back into consciousness.

'Michael?' she cried, her body visibly shaking as she sat up 'where's Jonny?'

'Hey, it's alright, you're alright' Michael soothed her rubbing her back 'he's gone for breakfast.'

'I need him' Jac wrenched herself away from Michaels's reach.

'Hey calm down' Sacha quickly caught Jac as her movements nearly caused her fall off the other side of the bed. 'He'll be back soon, in the mean time you've got us to look after you.'

Jac summoned up some strength to push Sacha away from herself 'don't touch me!' she spoke forcefully.

'Page Serena' Michael spoke quietly across the room to Ric who was stood in the door with Lola. Ric nodded his head and walked away to summon Ms Campbell.

'Naylor either you show signs of trying to calm down or I'll authorise Nurse Digby to sedate you' Michael spoke firmly to her 'now which would you rather it be?'

'Why are you here this early?' Jac spoke crossly as she settled herself back down on the bed trying to gain control over her shaking hands.

'Checking up on you' Michael matched her irritable tone. 'How many of those nightmares have you had in the last forty eight hours?'

Michael and Sacha exchanged knowing looks as Jac just shrugged.

'Jac you need to lets us help you' Sacha now appealed to her.

'You can't help' Jac looked down at the bed sheets as she spoke 'no one can help.'

'Why not? Why don't you just try talking to us?' Sacha continued regardless 'it might help.'

'Why? What is it precisely that you want to hear me say Sacha?' Jac suddenly looked up glaring at her oldest friend.

'I don't know' Sacha shrugged uselessly. 'I just want to help you feel better.'

'No you don't, you just want to make yourself feel better' Jac snapped at him, her eyes ablaze with anger. 'So how about this; does it make you feel better to know that I can remember every minute detail of what happened as a care worker raped me? That I can remember the exact weight on him on top of me, the smell of the cigarettes on his breath, the sound of his heavy breathing rasping in my ear or the unbearable pain as he forced himself inside me?' Jac was so angry at her friend's intrusion that she failed to see the look of complete horror on his face. 'He called me a _whore_ and maybe that is exactly what I am' Sacha felt as though Jac's eyes were boring into him as she spoke, making it clear that was just what she thought of herself. 'So does it make you feel better to know my shame Sacha Levy? DOES IT?!' She yelled the last part at him, hot angry tears running down her face.

'Excuse me' Sacha muttered as he quickly exited the room, Lola Griffin following close behind him.

'That was a little mean don't you think?' Michael Spence spoke after they had sat in silence for a few minutes waiting for Jac to calm down a little and compose herself.

'He's the one who kept pushing' Jac leaned back against the pillows, her efforts to fight against Sacha having exhausted her.

'You know Levy better than anyone; you would know he wouldn't have been able to handle that.' Michael wasn't going to let her off the hook for this.

'He's dealt with patients who have been raped before' Jac answered him stiffly 'he'll get over it.'

'You're not just a patient to him Jac and you know it' Michael sighed exasperatedly looking at her distressed appearance. 'Boy Jonny wasn't kidding when he said full Technicolor detail was he?'

'He told you?' Jac's face contorted with fury once more.

'Not like you're thinking' Michael spoke sternly to her. 'I asked him yesterday, as your doctor, what sort of memories you were dealing with. Technicolor detail was his description of it.' He considered Jac for a moment taking in her plaid drawn complexion, remembering what she looked like a mere few months ago with body fat, rosy cheeks and dimple enhanced smile. 'You ever thought about tackling this from the point of view of PTSD?'

'I'm not crazy Michael' Jac exhaustedly answered him.

'Would you call a patient with PTSD crazy?' Michael looked at her shrewdly.

'Of course not, it's a medically recognised condition.'

'So you wanna diagnose yourself with that or do I need to involve a psychiatrist to do it for you?' Jac didn't answer him as she closed her eyes. 'Why don't you have a little think about that, maybe discuss it with your new consultant Ms Campbell.'

'But I thought you were treating me?' Jac quickly opened her eyes again.

'Not anymore' Michael smiled at her gently 'Jonny threw his toys out of the pram again this morning so I've been kicked off the case.'

'Nobody thought I might have an opinion on this?' Jac sighed. 'Of course not, why consultant the crazy woman?'

'That is the last time I will tolerate you referring to yourself as crazy' Michael spoke sternly. 'The word crazy no longer exists in you vocabulary.'

'I'm not Ava' Jac retorted.

'Jac I need to ask you something and I want you answer me truthfully, I promise I'm not judging' Michael decided to bite the bullet and ask the question he need to. 'Are you in anyway suicidal?'

'No Michael I do not wish to end my life' Jac answered him seriously and honestly.

'Have you ever been?'

'Once' Jac nodded. 'But that was a very long time ago.'

'I guess that was to be expected' Michael smiled sadly. 'What got you through it?'

'My last foster family, they made me see I could do something with my life, achieve anything I wanted.' Jac smiled softly 'anything else you _need_ to know?'

'Would you let me help you? I know this woman, specialises in PTSD' Michael looked pleadingly at his friend 'I could refer you to her.'

'Ok' Jac closed her eyes as she answered him.

'Ok?' Michael spoke with mild surprise.

'Michael' Jac spoke pleadingly, desperate to sleep once more.

'I'll take that as a yes' Michael settled himself triumphantly into his chair.

'You won't leave me on my own will you Spence?'

'Of course not, you just have a nice sleep. I'll be right here.'

* * *

Sacha had barely made it to sluice room before he vomited violently, his body shaking.

'Here hon' Lola Griffin gently touched his arm offering him a drink of water.

'Why don't you get some fresh air, I can sort that out' Chantelle smiled kindly as she hovered by the door to the sluice room, having been drawn there by the unmistakable sounds of retching.

'Good idea, brisk stroll around the hospital grounds will do you the world of good' Lola gently guided Sacha out of room.

'I'll let Mr Self know you're not fit to work, can't have you around the patients with that tummy bug can we' Chantelle spoke cheerily, looking sympathetically at Sacha.

'I'm not ill' Sacha started to say before Lola interrupted.

'How wonderfully efficient of you hon, as Grandma used to say a stitch in time saves nine, come on Sacha we'd better get you ready for home' Lola started pulling Sacha down the corridor.

'What are you doing?' Sacha hissed at her 'I'm not ill, I'm fit to work.'

'No you're not, you're in shock.' Lola considered him for a moment whilst they waited for the lift. 'You look peaky' she decided with a nod as the lift doors opened.

I'm British, of course I look peaky' Sacha muttered following Lola into the lift.

'Oh look the cloud has lifted; it should be another glorious day!' Lola exclaimed happily as the lift doors opened once more on the ground floor. 'Come on hon, lets get you out in the air' she took hold of Sacha's arm and frog marched him out of the building.

'So you were married to Ric' Sacha enquired politely wondering what on earth Jac had found in common with this woman to have once considered her a friend.

'Oh yes, I'm afraid my enthusiastic optimism was too much for him to handle' Lola chuckled. 'Shall we take a seat?' Lola suggested as they neared a bench.

'I'm sorry, for being sick I mean' Sacha embarrassedly apologised.

'It was the shock, that's all' Lola smiled kindly. 'You'd better take the day off though, keep up the pretence for Jac's sake.'

'You weren't shocked by what she said were you?' Sacha realised now having recovered himself a little.

'No' Lola shook her head. 'That wasn't anything I hadn't heard before.'

'When did she tell you?' Scaha asked curious.

'Oh many years ago.' Lola sighed 'I told her she either talked to me or I informed HR I had concerns about her mental health.' Lola smiled kindly 'I'm glad she met you, someone to talk too.'

'Well that's the first time we've talked about…_that' _Sacha let his voice trial off.

'Her husband doesn't seem to be coping to well does he' Lola changed the subject seeing Sacha was starting to pale again.

'Jonny is the best thing that ever happened to Jac and she to him. I think he's just afraid he's losing her.'

'Do you think we're losing her?' Lola asked him.

'Well that anger was a good sign' Sacha smiled satirically. 'It's silence we need to be concerned about. If we can get her to eat then that's when we've turned the corner'. Sacha looked up at Lola 'What she said in there, those memories. Do you think she deals with that every day?'

'Possibly' Lola shrugged helplessly 'she never said.'

'Oh no' Sacha suddenly muttered having seen Mo and Ava walking towards them. 'The red haired kid walking over here is Jac's niece, we can't let her see Jac likes this' he smiled and waved back at Mo who was grinning at him.

'Who's she with?'

'That's Mo' Sacha continued his forced smiling 'my partner and Ava's godmother.'

'Right diversion tactics are my forte, just follow my lead' Lola spoke in an undertone as Mo and Ava walked the last few steps to meet them.

'Sacha!' Ava beamed hugging the man tightly 'you were gone before I woke up.'

'Well good morning, my little fairy cake' Sacha squeezed her tightly.

'I'm too old to be called that now Sacha!' Ava giggled as she scolded him.

'This is Lola Griffin, she's an old friend of Jac's.' Sacha introduced the women to each other. 'Lola this is Jac's niece Ava and the love of my life Mo Effanga.'

'Hello' Mo shook the woman's hand politely, slightly embarrassed by Sacha's introduction.

'Well its lovely to meet you' Lola smiled warmly at Ava 'you know what Ava I think Jac would like some good reading, do you want to help me pick something out at the shop?'

'She has a kindle' Ava shrugged 'I'm sure she's got plenty to read on that.'

'That's not the same' Lola smiled although her eyes looked sternly at the child, conveying a message she knew the kid would be smart enough to understand.

'Oh ok' Ava nodded although she was a little uncertain why they had leave Sacha and Mo alone

'Come on, I'm sure you can help me find some of those God awful romance paperbacks your Auntie was so fond of.' Lola placed her hand on the child's shoulder as they walked away.

'Has something bad happened?' Ava whispered to Lola.

'No hon, nothing for you to worry about.' Lola directed Ava towards the coffee shop 'come on I'll buy you a drink.'

'Can't I see Auntie Jac first?' Ava asked with concern in her voice.

'She was still sleeping when I left ten minutes ago' Lola lied easily 'It'll be a while until she's ready for visitors. In until then we can get to know each other, I want to know all about you.'

'What's wrong?' Mo asked sitting herself down in front of Sacha. She'd known something was up the minute he'd smiled at her in his parental 'I'm smiling because I don't want to let the children know something awful is occurring' way.

'Jac was having a nightmare.' Sacha looked down at his hands.

'She didn't kick you in your unmentionables again did she?' Mo winced.

'No' Sacha gave a slight natural smile at her joke. 'I questioned her about it, tried to get her to talk.'

'Did she? Did she open up to you?' Mo asked him softly reaching across the table to take his hand in hers.

'I wish she hadn't' Sacha's voice broke with the sound of a sob. 'My God how I wish she hadn't.' He sat there for a moment unashamedly weeping openly in front of Mo.

'Oh Sacha' Mo breathed softly tightening her grip on his hand.

'No woman should ever have to go through that' Sacha sniffed as he looked up at Mo, his face suddenly fierce. 'No woman should ever have to live with memories like Jac has. I want justice for her Mo, I want to find out the name of that piece of scum and I want him to pay for what he's done.'

'You're a good man Sacha Levy but that might not be what Jac wants' Mo spoke softly to him.

'The worse thing is she was a child when it happened, a mere three years older than Ava is now. Just a child' Sacha broke down once more. Mo stood up and sat next to the man she loved embracing him in her arms, allowing him to sob against her chest.

'You know I remember finding Jonny sat in a state of shock on the floor of the linen cupboard after she'd first described it to him. He said it felt like someone had ripped his heart out his chest and punched him the stomach. He loved her so much it physically hurt him to know someone had hurt her like that all those years ago'

'Did he tell you?' Sacha spoke gaining control over his sobbing. 'Did he tell you exactly what she'd told him?'

'No, never' Mo shook her head 'selfishly I never asked because I didn't want to know, I didn't want to share that burden with him. He looked so wretched.'

'Believe me, you want to try to keep it that way, it is not easy to hear' Sacha hugged Mo tightly. 'She said it was her shame, she asked me if I felt better now I knew her shame'. Sacha breathed in the scent of Mo's perfume deeply, gaining strength from its familiar scent 'what on earth do I say to that?'

'Jonny said she blames herself' Mo confided in him the bits Jonny had told her 'apparently she feels she should have fought back, defended herself.'

'For Jac that is unbelievably irrational' Sacha sighed. 'my God, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for Jonny, living with the knowledge an evil piece of filth has gotten away with doing that to the woman he loves.' He pulled away from Mo a little so he could look into her deep brown eyes. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her gently, unable to find the words to express the depths of his feelings for this woman. He smiled as they broke apart, everything suddenly seeming much clearer, simple even. 'Will you marry me Mo?'


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you for reading! Please take a moment to leave a review to let me know thoughts and suggestions; I appreciate all feedback :-) **

Jac was fighting to stay asleep but she could hear something that was troubling her. She kept her eyes closed but listened carefully making out the hushed voices of her husband and Michael Spence having a whispered argument.

'Ok, I'll level with you, I know you think we're being intrusive' Michael Spence was saying 'I get that but I'm not going to 'back off' as you put until Naylor herself tells me too.'

'She's my wife!' Jonny started to argue back

'So you keep reminding me' Michael cut him off irritably 'Jeez you need to give that argument a break! What about how I feel about Jac huh? You ever thought about that? Because let's face it if you should ever decide to walk away from her who do you think Naylor's going to have left?' There was a stony silence as Jonny glared at Michael. 'That's right myself and Sacha. You may not like it but that fact is we're Jac's family, her older brothers if you will. I thought Sacha made that clear to you the night before your wedding?'

'You know the sooner I can get Jac to agree to moving away from here the better' Jonny huffed 'away from you and your arrogant , know it all interfering!'

'Please' Michael sneered scornfully 'Naylor leaving Holby? That'll never happen.'

'You just watch pal' Jonny spoke angrily 'I'll do whatever it takes to protect my wife!'

'Protect her from what Jonny?' Serena Campbell suddenly joined the debate 'and while you're at it you could let me know why the pair of you are causing a ruckus in the door way of my patients room?'

'He started it' Jonny answered her angrily.

'Well that's mature' Michael mocked him.

Jac had decided she'd heard enough so she weakly called out 'Jonny.'

'Hey it's ok I'm here' Jonny rushed to her bedside and smiled reassuringly as he took hold of her hand.

'Whatever gripe you have against Spence could you just let it go?' Jac gripped his hand tightly. 'Please, for me?'

'I don't want him treating you, making decisions for us' Jonny frowned at her.

'_I_ want him treating me' Jac spoke sternly sitting herself up 'I feel safe with Michael, I trust him. You know that.'

'He doesn't listen, he just wades into every situation making decisions left right and centre…'

'Well you're a fine one to talk' Jac cut him off glaring at him 'deciding I should have Serena overseeing my case instead of Spence who knows my medical history inside out and backwards.'

'I'm going to come back later, this is getting awkward' Michael muttered to Serena.

'You stay right where you are Michael Spence!' Jac spoke sharply having overheard him trying to escape 'this is as much your doing as it is Jonny's.'

'What the hell?' Michael crossed his arms impatiently 'I haven't even done anything!'

'You did it without knowing it' Jac spoke crossly, gesticulating her annoyance with her hand 'barging into my home with your Americanisms deciding when, what, where and whom.'

'Oh so you'd rather I just left you dying on your bedroom floor is that it?' Michael huffed. 'Well that's gratitude for you!'

'Maybe what Jac is saying is you ought to be showing a little humility' Serena suggested quietly. Serena looked sharply across the room at Jonny as he let out snigger. 'As for you Jonny Maconie perhaps you should stop cutting your nose of the spite your face. Stubborn pride is terrible affliction in a man, one I didn't think you possessed.' She let the sharpness in voice fall as she saw both men appeared humbled. 'Apologise to each other and mean it' she commanded crossly.

'Sorry for being intrusive' Michael mumbled.

'Sorry for not being…' Jonny searched around for the right word 'appreciative' he settled on finally, unwilling to admit he might have been in the wrong.

'Well then now that's sorted' Serena spoke pleasantly walking over the bed to check Jac's notes 'perhaps you can work out a way to get along for Jac's sake?' she watched as the two men begrudgingly nodded. 'Jac who would you like to be your consultant, something you should have had a say in from the beginning?'

'I don't know' Jac had slumped back against her pillows, exhausted once more 'I'm too tired to care.'

'Perhaps a combination of us two would suit?' Serena suggested kindly 'that way you've got the best man for the job on the case and the best woman to check up on his decisions.'

'That might be a better solution' Jonny mumbled still embarrassed by Serena's chastisement.

'Excellent' Serena nodded as she finished up reading Jac's notes 'I see there is a referral here to an Ms Ellison. Who's she?'

'A psychiatrist' Jac informed her quietly.

'She specialises in PTSD' Michael explained quickly. 'Ms Ellison doesn't like to operate off the books so to speak so we'll have to make if official.'

'You're ok with this?' Serena asked Jac giving the woman a considered look.

'I think it's time' Jac answered her simply. 'The nightmares, they need to stop.

'Good' Serena nodded and smiled encouragingly.

'Really?' Jonny asked her, gripping her hand tightly, relief evident in his voice.

'I'm not saying it'll work' Jac answered him with a shrug, not wanting to get his hopes up.

'No, but you're willing to try it and that's a start' Jonny kissed his wife's cheek, barely able to believe this sudden change.

'It was Spence's idea.' Jac decided to offer Michael an olive branch.

'Well you know, it suddenly occurred to me memories still that vivid after thirty years, could more than a bit of emotional distress' Michael shifted around on his feet awkwardly unsure if Jonny was likely to thank him or punch him for further interference.

'Thank you' Jonny strode across the room and pulled the man into an embrace 'thank you so much'

'You're welcome' Michael smiled awkwardly 'let's just hope it'll work, get some closure on those terrors.'

'Anything is worth a try right Jac?' Jonny smiled over at his wife his enthusiasm unable to be dulled. 'Why didn't we ever consider it as post-traumatic stress before?' he mused as he walked back over to her, taking hold of her hand once more.

'Maybe because I didn't ever to want to consider it as anything at all before' Jac spoke wearily. 'Now I'm just so desperate for it to go away I'll do anything.'

'Perhaps we should leave you to get some rest' Serena smiled kindly. 'Is there anything you wanted to ask?'

'I need to have a shower' Jac answered her pleadingly. 'Can't you let me disconnect the IV just so I can have a shower?'

'Jac you seriously do not need a shower, you had about twenty of them in the early hours of yesterday morning' Jonny sighed. 'Just be patient and let the antibiotics be drip fed into you a bit longer.'

'You don't understand, _I need_ to have a shower' Jac spoke in desperation, pleading with her eyes at Jonny. 'I know to you it's completely illogical but it's as though I can _feel_ him on me, as though the stench of him is embedded on my skin.'

'We can do that right?' Michael spoke in an undertone to Serena 'it's not a huge deal to do that.'

Serena thought for a moment wondering what her reaction should be. As far as she knew Jac didn't know she knew about the rape, however having heard from Ric about Jac's reaction to Sacha's friendly quizzing this morning Serena was not willing to look as though she were asking enquiring questions. Instead she looked at the problem of showering from a more practical point of view. 'Are you sure you have enough strength to manage shower?' Serena asked Jac in a sensible manor 'it says in your notes you haven't eaten anything at all for three days.'

'And the rest' Jonny muttered under his breath.

'Please' Jac pleaded with the woman.

'I'm going to cut you deal' Serena spoke firmly, almost maternally 'you eat something, anything; half a slice a toast, a spoonful of yogurt, whatever takes your fancy and you can have a shower.' Serena didn't wait for an answer knowing she was unethically holding Jac to ransom as she turned around and walked out of the room.

'Are you crazy?!' Michael Spence exclaimed in a whisper as he joined her in the hall 'she'll go nuts by the end of the day if she doesn't get that shower, you heard her distress in there!'

'Just wait and see' Serna shrugged, feeling a little guilty 'she may surprise us and if not I'll rethink it.'

* * *

To Sacha it felt like an age before Mo finally answered his question when in reality it took only a second for the woman he loved to register the words he had spoken. She smiled as she spoke 'Of course I'll marry you Sacha Levy, I thought you were never going to ask.'

'Really?' Sacha spoke with mild relief.

'Really' Mo confirmed for him with a nod and a laugh.

'I'm sorry I haven't got your ring with me' Sacha laughed now too as he started speaking with great excitement 'I have got one, only I gave it to Jac to look after and, well, I wasn't planning on proposing today. I did have plans, rather elaborate ones but just then I realised you should already be my wife. Really this is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you…'

'Sacha?'

'Yes?'

'Shut up and kiss me.'

'Ok'

* * *

'I've changed my mind' Jac spoke quickly to Jonny 'go and tell them I want Serena off the case and just Michael looking after me.'

'No, I think things should stay as they are' Jonny spoke firmly. 'Serena is only asking you to try, just one small mouthful of anything and you'll get your shower.' Jonny watched as Jac sat in silence, fuming at the way they were treating her like a child. He took hold of her hand, holding it in between both of his. 'Do you want your rings back?' he asked her suddenly remembering they were still on his hand instead of hers.

'They might be a little loose' she admitted after a few more minutes of stony silence.

'You want me to look after them for you?' he asked her, kissing her cheek when she nodded. 'What made you change your mind, about the psychiatrist?' Jonny asked her softly, wondering how Spence had managed it.

'I did something awful' Jac looked Jonny in the eye now as she spoke her confession. 'I did something really awful to Sacha.' A single tear ran down her cheek as she thought of the distress she had caused her best friend.

* * *

'So then Ava, you're not in school at the moment?' Lola chatted the young girl as they sat down at a table in the coffee shop.

Ava shook her head before explaining 'I go to private school, they have eight weeks of summer vacation instead of six.'

'Well makes sense' Lola smiled warmly. 'So do you like it at your school?'

'It's ok I guess' Ava shrugged 'the art department is good.'

'You're just not so keen on the rest of it?' Lola chuckled.

'We didn't have a great deal of choice of schools' Ava shrugged again 'Auntie Jac didn't want me to board away from home and Uncle Jonny reckoned I'd be too bored at a regular high school so it had to be St Catherine's.'

'Oh I see' Lola nodded although she didn't really understand why a run of mill comprehensive would be too boring.

'Lola, do you know what's wrong with Auntie Jac?' Ava asked fiddling with the straw of her milkshake.

'I know she has a kidney infection' Lola answered the child carefully 'it's a pretty bad one so she'll need to stay in for a few days.'

'Do people with kidney infections lose a lot of weight?' Ava asked.

'They can make you feel pretty sick so loss of appetite wouldn't be unusual' Lola could see the direction this conversation was heading in.

'So would Auntie Jac have been feeling ill for weeks and weeks?' Ava asked the question even though she already suspected she knew the answer 'because she's not been eating properly since Granddad died and then she stopped altogether after we had the will reading.'

'You're a very observant girl Ava' Lola smiled softly.

'Everyone insists on treating me like a child but I know things, I see what's going on around me' Ava spoke sullenly.

'I guess you've had enough of the adults not answering your questions?' Lola watched as Ava nodded. 'Ok, I'll see if I can explain' Lola thought for a moment. 'You know sometimes when you're really upset or worried about something it can make you feel sick and your stomach feels funny?'

'Yeah but then I just talk to Auntie Jac and she makes me feel better' Ava sighed knowing she was clearly still only going to get a half explanation.

'Well how do you think it would feel if you couldn't talk to someone about what was making you sad?' Lola patiently asked the child.

'I don't know' Ava shrugged 'probably ten times worse. But Auntie Jac has got Uncle Jonny to talk to.'

'Ava I can't tell you exactly what's going on but try to understand this; sometime things are so bad that you cannot find the words to explain them. So even though Jac wants to talk about, wants to put it behind her she can't.' Lola reached over and lightly touched the child's hand forcing the young girl to look up into Lola's kind dark eyes. Lola was almost taken aback as to how similar Ava's eye's were to Jac, it was as though she'd made a time machine and stepped back to when Jac was a young girl. 'Your Auntie is an extraordinarily strong woman, she will fight her way past the nauseating stomach churning that is stopping her from eating. I know her. She will eventually come back to herself she just needs a little time.'

'I'm so afraid that she will die and I'll have no one' Ava's green eyes brimmed with tears 'I just want to help her.'

'Oh hon, she isn't going to die from this. You have my word.' Lola squeezed the young girls hand. 'Perhaps one way you can help is to try and think something Auntie Jac might want to eat, anything you can think of at all'

'Ok' Ava gave a small smile now, finally having been reassured her aunt was safe and as well as could be expected.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! A couple of reviewers have mentioned they'd like to read more Jac and Ava which there will be much more of in the next few chapters after this one. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts and opinions because they really do help me to shape up the story :-)**

'Look at them, they look so peaceful' Mo Effanga whispered to her new fiancé as the peered through the doorway of Jac's hospital room at Mr and Mrs Naylor-Maconie sleeping peacefully in each other's arms. Little did they know holding his wife tightly in his arms was Jonny's method of stopping Jac from pulling out her IV lines and attempting to leave the bed. She pleaded with him to let her go, to help her by agreeing to her discharging herself and taking her home, tears running down her face as she did so. He responded to none of her words and instead just held her, knowing she did not possess enough strength to fight against him. Eventually she had fallen into an exhausted sleep and resting his cheek against her head Jonny had soon joined her in slumber.

'You know I don't think this is such a good idea after all' Sacha whispered in Mo's ear. 'She probably doesn't want to see me.'

'Sacha you are going to have to talk her sometime, she's your best friend.' Mo sighed as she walked to chairs in the waiting area and sat herself down.

Sacha continued starring at his red headed friend for a while longer before joining Mo. 'I don't know what to say to her now. How do I begin the conversation?'

'Hi is generally a good start' Mo rolled her eyes at him.

'Hi Jac, how's things? Anymore nightmares about your rapist?' Sacha glared at Mo as he did his mock conversation starter. 'Or how about a sensitive and tactful approach of 'so why you've been constantly reliving the worst thing that ever happened to you guess what? Mo and I got engaged! I need that ring you've been looking after for me right now please!'

'Congratulations' the groggy voice of Jonny Maconie suddenly spoke from behind the couple making them jump.

'Jesus Jonny!' Mo exclaimed clutching at her chest 'there's no need to sneak up on us like that!'

'Sorry' Jonny grinned guilty. 'So where's my wee miss? I've not seen her yet this morning.'

'We were keeping her occupied until Jac was ready for visitors' Mo gave Jonny a knowing look.

'You've done remarkably well; I thought she'd have raced up here first thing this morning.' Jonny sat himself down on one of the empty seats, positioning himself so he could keep an eye on the door to Jac's room.

'She would have done but Lola Griffin managed to explain to her Jac needed rest and wasn't yet ready for visitors' Sacha chuckled 'not sure how long she'll buy it for though. She's drawing down in the lab with Elliot if you wanted to spend time with her.'

'I need to stay with Jac' Jonny's face showed the way he felt torn between his child and his wife. 'She has now started threatening to pull out the IV's and skip off home.'

'Why?' Mo gave Jonny a confused look 'we saw Michael a few minutes ago and he said she was doing so much better, had agreed to see some sort of PTSD specialist.'

'Yes she was doing better' Jonny rubbed his tired eyes 'and then Serena decided she couldn't take a shower unless she eats something. You know Jac, she doesn't take to being given orders and treated like a child particularly well.'

'What's up with all the showering?' Mo asked him having heard from Ava Auntie Jac had been acting really strange since the will reading, taking lots of showers and crying all the time.

'She says she can feel him on her skin, you know the rapist' Jonny explained bluntly, perhaps a bit too bluntly for Sacha who paled considerably.

'Head between your knees' Mo instructed her fiancé, placing a concerned hand on his back, 'Jonny get a sick bowl' she instructed quietly.

'No I'm alright' Sacha spoke sitting himself back upright, breathing deeply.

'You sure?' Jonny gave the man a concerned look.

'I'm sorry, Jonny' Sacha looked the other man in the eye trying to express his condolences as best he could 'I'm so sorry.'

'It is what it is Sacha' Jonny gave a grateful smile 'that's all.'

'What do I say to her?' Sacha asked.

'Tell her you love her, that you don't hate her for what she told you' Jonny answered him.

'Why would I hate her?'

'She feels terrible she made you listen to that.' Jonny smiled softly 'you know she'd loved to hear about your engagement, she'll be so mad when finds out I knew first'. Jonny stood up as he saw Nurse Digby exiting Jac's room 'I'd better get back in there before she does herself a mischief.'

'I'll sit with her' Mo offered 'I've got an hour before my shift officially starts; you go and spend a bit of time with Ava'.

* * *

'You can pretend you are asleep all you like Jacqueline Naylor but I am not going anywhere' Lola Griffin spoke firmly having just seen Jac's eyelids flicker open and then shut suddenly once more. 'I'm a retired lady of leisure now, I can sit here all afternoon and all evening too if I choose to.' Lola had introduced herself properly Jonny and convinced him she wasn't here to do further harm. In fact she was here to do just the opposite; she knew she could help get Jac back on track. Stunned by her forceful wilfulness Jonny had suddenly found himself banished from his wife's hospital room and given the full time task of distracting Ava. 'I've met Ava' Lola decided a try a different tack after a further five minutes of stony silence from Jac. 'What a beautiful child, engaging too. Reminds me so much of you; stubborn, ridiculously intelligent, all the world's problems on her tiny little shoulders.'

'What do you mean?' Jacs eyes suddenly sprung open, her voice full of concern something might be wrong with the child.

'Only that she is worried about you' Lola smiled kindly.

'Oh well just something else I have to feel guilty about' Jac snapped closing her eyes once more. 'Can you call the nurse for me? Tell her I do want some sedatives after all.'

'Nope, not happening' Lola crossed her arms. 'You Jac Naylor need to work through the things in your head, not hide from them.'

'Why did you do it?' Jac opened her eyes and looked accusingly at Lola 'why did you have to tell my Grandfather the one person who loved me, wanted me just as I was, about _that.'_

'About what Hon?'

'You know what' Jac glared at Lola.

'I need to hear you say it.'

'Why?'

'Because I'm not leaving until I've heard you say 'I was raped and it wasn't my fault.' Feel free to say any combination of words you wish to but that's the general gist.' Lola smiled mischievously as she watched Jac reaching for the call button. 'I told that lovely nurse not to worry herself about you, I'd do your obs so she's taking an extended lunch brake with her husband.' Lola's smug smile dropped as watched as Jac sat herself up fully and reached for the emergency call button instead. 'No!' Lola leapt to her feet and grasped hold of Jac's stick thin wrist. 'You remember how annoying that was when patients used to do that to us?' Lola spoke firmly.

'Let me go Lola!' Jac's face contorted with anger.

'You know I didn't have to tell your grandfather anything, he knew it all and yet you never guessed'. Lola held fast to Jac's arm, desperate to convey her message to her. 'So listen and listen well; that wonderful man continued you love and want you just as he always had. His opinion of you never changed.' As Jac's face crumbled with emotion as Lola caught her up into her arms and hugged like a mother would have done, allowing the woman to sob all her grief into her chest.

'There now' Lola spoke softly to her 'let it all out Hon, its doing you no good bottling it all up.'

* * *

Sacha hovered awkwardly in the doorway of Jac's room unsure of whether to go in or not. Lola had pulled the chair as close to the bed as could get it and was holding Jac's hand with her left and holding a book with her right. Lola looked up from her reading and gestured for Sacha to come in.

'She's sleeping again, poor thing has barely the strength to lift her head off the pillow' Lola smiled kindly at him.

'I'm amazed she let you stay' Sacha smiled warmly back 'I thought she would have sent you out with a flea in your ear.'

'Jacqueline and I go way back' Lola chuckled softly 'she knows I'll be there for her when she needs it.'

'She won't speak to Ric, she furious with him'

'Well she has a different sort of relationship with Ric' Lola explained as Jac mumbled something incomprehensible in her sleep, a frown of distress falling across her face 'Shh Hon, its alright' Lola soothed her, stroking her hair 'you're safe, you're with me.'

'Lola?' Jac mumbled as she opened her eyes slowly 'you're still here'

'I thought you knew me better than that?' Lola smiled mycheifously 'I do not give up on people that easily; I'm still waiting to hear a particular little phrase.

'You'll be waiting a long time' Jac closed her eyes again.

'You have a visitor' Lola spoke quickly before Jac could fall back to sleep and Sacha could escape the room. 'Sacha is here to see you.' Lola stood up as Jac opened her eyes again. 'I'll give you some space, come on Sacha, you can sit here' Lola moved out of way for Sacha to reluctantly settle down in the chair. She pick up his hand and planted Jac's firmly in his. 'I'll be back' she spoke firmly as she walked out of the room.

'Well she is something else' Sacha spoke awkwardly, stiffly holding Jac's hand as though afraid he would brake it.

'Lola Griffin is a force alright' Jac agreed with him 'just be grateful she appears to be on your side.' Jac looked her friend taking in his awkwardness, feeling regret that what she had told him in anger early this morning had probably changed their friendship forever. 'I'm sorry Sacha, I shouldn't have said what I did' she apologised to him, letting her tears of shame run down her cheeks.

'No, don't you apologise' Sacha let go of her hand and hunted in his pockets for a clean tissue for her. 'I should be the one apologising to you, I shouldn't have kept on at you' He handed a clean but crumpled tissue. 'I love you Jac Naylor' he looked sincerely at her and then thought he'd better explain himself in case her malnourished mind confused itself 'I mean love not in the I want to see you naked kind of way but in the brotherly sort of way'

'I know what you mean' Jac sniffed as she dried her eyes 'you lumbering idiot.'

'What you said this morning' Sacha shifted awkwardly in his chair, knowing he needed to say this but not sure if Jac would hear it. 'You're not a whore Jac, what happened all those years ago was not your fault. It is not your shame, it's his.'

* * *

'Banana's in custard' Ava Naylor-Maconie breathlessly announced to Chantelle as she ran up to the nurses station of Holby care.

'What's that Ava?' Chantelle caught the young girl by the hand to try to get her to slow down.

'Banana's in custard, I bet that's what we can Auntie Jac to eat' Ava spoke hurriedly her eyes shining with the excitement of her epiphany.

'Ava' Chantelle sighed softly 'I don't think Auntie Jac is ready…'

'But if you don't try how will you know?' Ava arched her eyebrow determinedly, tossing her long red hair over her shoulder.

'Listen to the child' Lola spoke up from her seat in the waiting area 'this might be worth a try.'

'Banana's in custard?' Chantelle spoke uncertainly

'Huh huh' Ava nodded. 'She always makes it for me when I'm sick and don't want to eat anything.'

'Let's see what we can do' Chantelle smiled as Ava hugged her in thanks.

* * *

'These memories of yours' Sacha was cautiously asking questions and Jac was answering them as honestly as she could, knowing she owed it to him after the way she had brutally given him the facts this morning. 'Do you think about them every day since it happened?'

'No, not every day.' Jac's answers were slow as she battled against her exhaustion and she was grateful for Sacha's patience. 'I can go weeks, months and once even an entire year without them.' She paused briefly closing her eyes. ' and then something will happen, some sort of trigger and suddenly I'm right back there, in that room fifteen years and four days old and terrified.' she paused again, taking a moment to rest. 'It was thirty years in April and I can still remember it as though it were yesterday.'

'I think Michael is right, this has to be post-traumatic stress.' Sacha looked encouragingly at her. 'I'm proud of you for excepting help.'

'I can't live like this anymore Sacha' Jac looked intently into her best friends eyes trying to convey the fear and confusion she felt 'I don't want to live in fear of the memories inside my own head. I need to do it for Ava, I'm hurting her by being like this and what if I accidently did to her what I did to you this morning?'

'You wouldn't, I just know you wouldn't do that to your little pumpkin' Sacha took hold of her hand, smiling kindly.

'I did it to you' Jac sighed 'I never thought I'd do that to you.'

'It's ok Jac, really, I get it' Sacha soothed her 'I pushed too far so you lashed out, I deserved it and I'm actually glad you told me.

'Why?' Jac gave him a confused look 'I thought you'd hate me for it.'

'I could never hate you. I'm glad I know because now I can understand you a little better without us skirting around the issue and constantly talking in code.' Sacha chuckled 'it worked for us for so long but eventually we had to confront it.'

'I didn't want you to actually hear the details of it though' Jac spoke with contrition.

'It really doesn't matter Jac' Sacha squeezed her hand tightly. 'It actually helped me with something; I finally found the courage to propose to Mo'

'Really?' Jac's face broke into a smile.

'Yes' Sacha laughed, pleased this news had cheered her 'so I need the ring when you're fit enough to get it for me.'

'It's in the bottom draw of my desk in the lab, Elliot will let you in if you let him know what you're there for' Jac's face lit up with delight. 'So how did you do it? Skywriter? Tickertape parade? Bollywood dance routine in the rain?'

'No' Sacha laughed good humouredly 'although that last one sounds like an amazing idea. I actually just realised something you've been trying to tell me for years. Sometimes what is, just is. It simplified things for me; I have five wonderful children and the most amazing woman willing to share her life with me. I'm lucky that the 'what is just is' in my life is that happiness and all I had to do is make it permanent.'

'So you just asked her?' Jac spoke in surprise.

'I held her, I kissed her and I just asked her' Sacha nodded. 'The most simple, uncomplicated thing I've ever done in my life.'

'It sounds more romantic than that elaborate treasure hunt plan you had planned before anyway' Jac rolled her eyes.

'Ah what is romance without a little effort?' Sacha laughed.

'When Jonny proposed to me I thought he was going to pass out from nerves' Jac smiled sleepily at the memory 'I only said yes out of pity.'

'You liar Jac Naylor, I know you told Jasmine it was the most romantic moment of your life' Sacha teased her 'especially later on in the same day when he danced with you in the kitchen of your tiny flat.'

'Jonny is my uncomplicated what is just is' Jac spoke honestly, closing her eyes 'and I told Jasmine that in confidence.'

'She thought your best friend should hear it' Sacha spoke softly, seeing Jac was starting to drift into sleep 'so I'd know you made the right decision.'

* * *

'What's going on?' Jac spoke sleepily hearing voices in her hospital room, annoyed she had been woken from an unusually dreamless sleep.

'Apparently Ava seems to think you might eat this.' Sacha walked back to his seat having shown Ava out of the room unsure if she should be allowed to see Jac. He held out the bowl he held in his hand for her inspection.

'Banana's in custard?' She ask quizzically still half asleep.

'Oh it looks good doesn't it?' Sacha spoke hungrily looking at the offering 'I've not had this since I was a kid.'

'Well it's all yours' Jac muttered slumping back down against the pillows and closing her eyes.

'You sure?'

'Yes Levy, I'm sure' Jac grumbled. 'You lot have extreme difficulty with the term nauseous don't you?'

'So do you think you'll be well enough for best woman duties in few months time?' Sacha asked her before putting a spoonful of the hot custard in his mouth. 'This is so good, you sure you don't want any?'

Jac opened her eyes and glared at him.

'You know just one teeny tiny little mouthful of this and you get to have a shower.'

'Sacha!'

'If that's what you want' Sacha shrugged eating another mouthful. 'Seems like a small price to pay to me though.'

'If I eat a spoonful will you shut up?' Jac spoke wearily.

'Absolutely' Sacha nodded and Jac held out her hand for the bowl. 'How do I know you're not going to pour the contents of this over my head?' he spoke cautiously.

'Best idea you've had a long time' Jac narrowed her eys at him 'now give me the dam bowl before I change my mind!'

Sacha handed it over and carefully watched her as she ate a small spoonful of the fruit and custard. 'Well?' he asked her quizzically.

'That's not too bad' Jac shrugged, helping herself to another spoonful.

* * *

'Ava Naylor-Maconie, you better have a good excuse for doing an disappearing act on the professor!' Jonny spoke sternly as he found his niece, after thirty minutes of searching, sat in the waiting area on Holby Care with Michael Spence.

'I thought of something Auntie Jac might want to eat.' Ava spoke with a sad smile 'Why won't she see me?'

'Don't you ever wonder off like that on your own without permission again young lady!' Jonny continued sternly 'do you hear me?' He watched as Ava nodded her head and tears suddenly fell from her eyes.

'Hey don't cry, wee miss' Jonny's tone suddenly softened, hating it when Ava cried as she seldom did.

'Maybe you didn't hear Ava just then' Michael spoke softly watching as Jonny wrapped the sobbing child in his arms. 'Jac won't see her. She tried again just now and Jac was sleeping.'

'Och, Ava. Auntie Jac is really poorly that's all, she needs as much sleep as she can get.' He kissed Ava's tear stained face. 'I'll make sure she sees you tomorrow.'

'Do you think she'll try the banana's in custard Chantelle and I made for her?' Ava sniffed.

'I don't know' Jonny shrugged helplessly 'maybe, we'll have to see.'

'Banana's in custard!' Sacha Levy announced triumphantly as he exited the room with an empty bowl.

'Banana's in custard?' Jonny spoke wondrously.

'Banana's in custard' Ava confirmed for her uncle with a nod of her head.

* * *

'You won't look will you?' Jac spoke anxiously to Jonny has he helped her to the bathroom so she take her shower having fulfilled her part of the deal with Serena. The next battle Jac had faced was in her desire to use the shower alone. In the end the compromise had been reached allowing Jonny to accompany her in case of medical emergency.

'I'm your husband I'm allowed to look' Jonny laughed but then soon stopped as Jac gave him a frosty glare. 'I promise I'll stand with my back turned to you' he spoke softly.

Jac waited until he done as he promised before removing her hospital gown and stepping under the warm spray of the shower. She stood there for less than a minute before she realised Serena had been right; she wasn't strong enough to stand for a prolonged period. She leaned her hand against the tiled wall to support herself.

Having taken a sneaky glance over his shoulder Jonny could see Jac struggling with her weakness. Her back was turned away from him and Jonny almost winced at the sight of her jutting shoulder blades and distinct outline of her spine. Knowing she wouldn't ask for help he stripped off his own clothes and joined her in the shower.

'What are you doing?' She protested weakly as he placed his arms around her waist.

'Helping you, you stubborn mare' Jonny planted a kiss on her wet shoulder. 'Turn around and lean against me and I'll wash your hair for you.' He had missed the feeling of his wife's bare skin against his own and Jonny found himself having to absorb his attention to task at hand to stop his body from doing what came naturally. As Jac leaned her head back so Jonny could rinse her hair from shampoo he suddenly realised she was crying. 'What's wrong? Why are you crying?' He asked her, his concern evident in his voice.

Jac opened her eyes so she could look at him as she answered 'because you love me.'

'Of course I love you' Jonny spoke with mild surprise. 'You're my Jac, I'd do anything for you.'

She reached up on tip toe to kiss him, losing herself in him. They broke apart and she whispered 'Jonny?' her question in her voice and her pleading in her eyes.

'Are you sure?' Jonny, understanding her meaning kissed her neck and lightly pushed her up against the wall as she let out a whispered 'yes'.

'If you want me stop, just tell me and I'll stop' he whispered back to her in between placing kisses on her body.

'I want you Jonny, I _need_ you' she spoke urgently to him running her fingers through his thick hair. She kissed him again and allowed herself to become lost in the most natural act of love between man and wife.


	20. Chapter 20

**A little bit of Auntie Jac and Ava starting from here. Hope you enjoy reading. Please feel free to leave a quick review to let me know your thoughts :-) **

As Jonny Maconie finished towel drying his wife's hair for her she leaned back against him heavily. 'Are you ok?' He wrapped his arms around her as she nodded. 'It's just you've been a bit quiet. You did want to…I mean… that was ok wasn't it?' he spoke hesitantly, concern etched into his voice.

'It was perfect Jonny, I needed to feel love from you' she turned her head awkwardly, inviting him to kiss her over her shoulder. Jonny responded to her, determined to show her he was willing to love her in any way she wanted. 'It's just, now I'm bit tired' she admitted with a slight blush as their lips parted.

'Oh' Jonny chuckled kissing her cheek. 'Sorry about that.' He released the hold his arms had around her and picked up her hair brush. He had become an expert at washing Jac's hair after having to help her after the emergency caesarean that had brought forth their daughter into the world and unfortunately ended with Jac's hysterectomy. He carefully ran the brush through her long wet auburn hair brushing out the knots. 'I love you Jac but don't you dare fall asleep here' he warned her jokingly as he tied her wet tresses back into a pony tail knowing from her closed eyes she didn't have the energy left to withstand sitting up for him to blow dry it for her. 'Come on, we'd better get you back into bed.'

'Carry me' Jac mumbled sleepily.

'You what?' Jonny laughed at her.

'Please, I can't be bothered to walk.'

He lifted her easily into his arms and carried her the short distance from the ensuite bathroom back to the hospital bed. He laid her carefully down on the mattress and covered her lower body over with the sheets and blankets. 'Sweet dreams' he whispered as he kissed her cheek softly. He busied himself reconnecting the IV line back to the cannula in her left arm knowing Chantelle would only disturb her with a cherry chat if she was left to do it.

'You'll stay with me won't you Jonny?' she mumbled sleepily.

'I'm right here' he reassured her sitting down in the chair beside her bed. 'I promised I would stay with you remember?'

'You know I think this was the t-shirt you were wearing when you first said you loved me' all of Jac's nightwear consisted of plain cotton pyjama trousers and one of Jonny's old t-shirts. she lay her hand on her chest she spoke to indicate she meant the one she was currently wearing.

'Don't be daft Naylor' Jonny grinned 'how would you possibly remember something like that?'

'Just because' Jac shrugged, smiling at her husband sleepily.

'Oh I need to hear this explanation now' he teased her taking hold of her hand.

'I need to sleep, you wore me out with certain activities in the shower just now' she teased him back closing her eyes.

'Och, come on Naylor that's not fair' Jonny sulked shaking her hand lightly to stop her from slipping into sleep.

'Remember when we used to sneak off to hotels to spend nights and weekends alone together?' Jac responded to him dozily keeping her eyes closed.

'How could I forget?' Jonny laughed 'you'd always order champagne and strawberries from room service and we wouldn't leave the room until we had to check out.'

'You remember ever denying anything on one of those visits?' Jac questioned him, opening her eyes.

'I'm sticking to that; I didn't say it then.'

'I'm fairly sure you did, in the throes of passion I'm pretty sure I heard an exclamation involving the words 'I' and 'love' and 'you' and possibly even 'Naylor' escape your lips'.

'I remember your face looked terrified at the thought I had said it' Jonny huffed defensively. 'I believe the exact sentence you used was 'what the bloody hell did you just say?'. Not always something a guy wants to hear right after an earth shattering performance but whatever.'

'You're being awfully defensive about something you didn't say' Jac spoke in an amused tone.

'I didn't say it' Jonny huffed again.

'So what did you say?' Jac gave an amused smile. 'In the midst of making love to me in that hotel room on the day you were wearing this t-shirt, that I distinctly remember taking off your finely toned body, what did you cry out to me?'

Jonny didn't speak for a while knowing she had him backed into a corner now. He didn't know why he continued to lie about this with her after all these years and the numerous times he had said those words to her. There was something about their relationship in those early days that felt as though if either one had admitted it was more than just a fling it would disappear on them, leaving them both bereft and heartbroken.

'Well?' Jac queried, several minutes now having passed.

'I thought you'd fallen asleep' Jonny suddenly jerked himself back the present.

'No chance Maconie, I want to hear that I was right' Jac yawned.

'Well you were wrong because what I actually said was' he leaned forward so he could whisper in her ear 'my God Naylor, what have you done to me, I love you.' He kissed her quickly on the lips to stop her from gloating. 'It was completely involuntary and also completely and utterly devastatingly true' he confessed with a laugh as their lips parted.

'I probably should have told you then that I was falling in love with you too' Jac confessed with a sad smile 'it might have uncomplicated things a bit.'

'I love complicated' Jonny kissed her sadness away 'it's the frill of the chase that first drew me to you, remember?' he kissed her again 'now go to sleep, you need to be well rested for Ava tomorrow. She's really missing you.'

* * *

'Auntie Jac?' Ava's quiet voice spoke cautiously to her sleeping Aunt. It was past ten in the morning on the third day of Jac's hospital stay. Ava watched as Jac slowly opened her eyes. 'Uncle Jonny said I could wake you up.'

'Hi Pumpkin' Jac smiled warmly as she registered it was her niece waking her up. 'Sorry I was so sleepy yesterday you couldn't see me.'

'That's ok' Ava shrugged as though it hadn't upset her as much as it did. 'You're sick, you can't help it.'

'What have you been up to?' Jac asked her as reached out a hand to smooth the child's lose auburn hair.

'Just hanging around here' Ava shrugged again as though it didn't matter.

'Not much of an end to your summer holidays huh?' Jac gave Ava a sympathetic look.

'It's not your fault' Ava gave her aunt a small smile 'these things happen.'

'I'll make it up to you on half term, I promise' Jac smiled back.

'You don't have to; Mo and Sacha are being really nice. Mo even said I can be chief bridesmaid although I'm not sure what Adele will make of that.'

'Mo probably wants you save her from Adele's colour scheme choice's' Jac laughed softly. 'I'm going to be Sacha's best woman, did he tell you that?'

Ava grinned as she shook her head 'I thought you had to be a best man?'

'Mo was Jonny's best woman and Sacha was my man of honour, but you probably don't remember that' Jac smiled sadly 'you were still only a toddler then.'

'I remember the rose petals' Ava leaned against the bed having become comfortable in the presence of her sick aunt at last 'and Reverend Alice letting me have the icing off her portion of wedding cake.'

'Oh that explains why you were still hyper until late into the evening' Jac laughed as she remembered. 'Uncle Jonny had to bribe you to get you into your pyjama's. You were so cute back then.'

'And then I grew up' Ava giggled.

'Yeah you did' Jac smiled softly 'into this amazing young girl.'

'Will you be out of here in time for when I start back at school?' Ava asked nervously, fiddling with the hospital bracelet around Jac's bony wrist.

'I don't think so sweetheart, sorry' Jac answered her sadly 'I think I've still got another few days to go.'

'Oh' Ava didn't look her aunt in the eye as she tried to hide her disappointment and anxiety.

'You're not nervous about starting your new term are you Pumpkin?' Jac asked her having correctly guessed Ava's inner thoughts.

'Who's going to get me ready?' Ava mumbled, embarrassed to admit the thought of returning to St Catharine's unprepared was making her feel edgy.

'I'm way ahead of you on that one' Jac took hold of Ava's hand a squeezed it tightly 'I've emailed instructions to Mo, she's going to check you have everything, make sure it fits and is ironed and take you shoe shopping with Evelyn tomorrow.'

'Oh ok' Ava couldn't help the look of relief that broke across her face 'because uncle Jonny really can't…'

'Iron, I know' Jac interrupted her niece 'and I'm pretty sure he'd be rubbish at finding you shoes too' Jac gave a mock sigh 'these faults of his are just crosses we'll have to bare I'm afarid.'

Ava giggled as Mo Effanga suddenly popped her head around the door 'Jac, I think you've left something off this list' she spoke mockingly 'it seems St Catharine's don't have a boater.'

'Don't be silly Mo' Ava rolled her eyes at her godmother 'we have berets for autumn and winter terms.'

'Oh' Mo's giddy smile dropped a fraction as she studied the email from Jac on her phone once more. 'You know I don't know what's more sad; the fact I can't tell you off for cheeking me or the fact I have to actually measure the length of your skirt.' She poked her tongue out at the child before sitting down on the end of Jac's bed. 'This is a serious amount of kit' she muttered 'no wonder Jonny Mac needed a promotion.'

'Ha ha' Jac responded dryly, smiling to herself as she watched Mo taking repeated sneaky glances at the diamond ring on her finger 'my pay more than covers Ava's needs thank you very much.'

'You know I could use Granddad's money to pay for my school fees now' Ava suddenly suggested brightly.

'No pumpkin, I'm paying for your secondary education, you should save that money for your future.' Jac responded firmly but kindly to the child.

'Could I buy a pony instead then?' Ava requested

'No!' both Mo and Jac answered her looking at each other in horror. They had so far managed to avoid Ava becoming the stereotypical spoilt rich kid she could so easily become.

'Julia' Ava pulled a disgusted face as she spoke the girls name 'has two ponies, she's always bragging about them' she implored her Aunt.

'Where do you think you're going to keep a pony to?' Mo asked her goddaughter 'in the garage next to Auntie Jac's motorbike?'

'Well obviously I'd have to pay for it to be stabled' Ava rolled her eyes at Mo.

'Sorry pumpkin' Jac shook her head firmly 'you'll just have to content yourself with Saturday afternoon riding lessons.'

'Which reminds me, I can't do that tomorrow' Mo spoke

'Oh but…' Ava started to pout but then stopped herself remembering she had be grown up and good whilst Auntie Jac was in hospital.

'See if Spence can do it' Jac suggested 'he's the one who got her into it in the first place.'

'You sure Jonny won't mind?' Mo checked before she started typing out an email to Ava's godfather.

'This is me not caring if Jonny minds or not' Jac answered her.

'What happened between Michael and Uncle Jonny?' Ava asked curiously.

'Nothing at all really which is what is so irritating' Jac answered her 'it's not anything for you to worry about, it'll soon blow over.'

'What about Ric? Are you and Uncle Jonny still cross with him?'

'Whoa would you look at time, come on Ava we promised Serena we'd only be ten minutes' Mo suddenly leapt to her feet and attempted to usher Ava from the room so Jac wouldn't have answer the question.

'What did Ric do that was so bad?' Ava persisted in her questioning despite Mo's frim hand on her shoulder

'He gave Granddad some information I didn't want him to have' to both Mo and Ava's surprise Jac answered her niece 'so at the moment I'm still cross with him.'

'Ok' Ava nodded her head to show she understood that would be the only explanation she would be getting.

'Could you go and see if someone could make some toast?' Jac sought to distract the child now 'I think I might be able to manage a slice.'

'Ok' Ava skipped happily out of room pleased her aunt was looking better. Before the door swung shut on Ava Jac could hear Chantelle Lane singing to herself as she was walking towards Jac's room to do her obs.

'Quick Mo, start doing my ob's so little miss cheery pants won't have to' Jac spoke urgently to her friend.

'What's it worth?' Mo questioned crossing her arms.

'Anything, I can't take her cheerfulness anymore' Jac hissed just as the door to her room opened once more.

'Ava said you fancied some toast' Chantelle positivity beamed as she entered the room 'I think that's brilliant, you're finally getting your appetite back!'

'Er, don't bother with Jac's obs Chantelle, I'll do them' Mo stepped in having seen the look of pure loathing on Jac's face. 'I can have a bit more time to go through Ava's uniform list without Ms Campbell getting agitated that I'm wearing her out.'

'Oh that's ok Mr Spence wanted bloods doing as well' Chantelle cheerily rebuffed the woman's offered help, setting a kidney dish down on the end of the bed 'you won't want to bothering yourself with that Ms Effanga. Congratulations by the way' Chantelle grinned 'I thought Mr Levy had forgotten all about his plans to propose to you.'

'Thank you' Mo shyly looked down at her ring again. 'He didn't really have plans for a treasure hunt involving the entire hospital did he?'

'He did' Chantelle giggled 'didn't he Ms Naylor?'

'Hmm' Jac answered with a nod of her head, not trusting herself to keep her words civil but unable to hide the clear scowl that crept across her face.

'I really don't mind seeing to Jac' Mo insisted a bit more firmly this time sensing the tone from Jac's reply.

'If you're sure' Chantelle spoke hesitantly, unsure if she should be following orders from a CT registrar or if it would be wiser to ignore them and do the job herself as planned.

'I'm really, really sure' Mo forced a smile seeing Jac was looking just about ready to explode with revulsion.

'Ok then, I'll see to that toast.' Chantelle smiled as she bounced out of the room.

'Oh thank God' Jac let out a sigh of relief. 'Surely there has to be a normal nurse in this hospital who is just as competent and doesn't gossip?'

'Evidently not.' Mo grinned evilly as she picked up the kidney dish containing all the equipment necessary to draw Jac's blood 'you'll so owe me for this one Naylor, turning me into a bloody nurse!'


End file.
